At home with the Cohens
by iwatchiwonder
Summary: Seth Cohen and Ryan Atwood become friends, and then brothers. This story has an AU twist- Seth is an outsider for a reason bigger than his sarcasm and love of comic books; he is also dealing with a disability.
1. Chapter 1

Sandy Cohen sighs inaudibly as he turns his attention away from the road to examine the teenager slumped in the passenger seat beside him. Ryan has been staring out of the window ever since they pulled out of his house. His old house Sandy corrects himself. He hasn't spoken a single word. His shoulders are slumped in defeat and exhaustion but his expression is blank. Sandy shudders at the thought of the kind of parents who would cause enough damage for a sixteen year old to just- shut down like that. In his line of work it took quite a bit to horrify him but Ryan's expression when he walked into his home to find it abandoned had done it. Sandy knew that he had to take Ryan home- he would call child protective services and arrange for him to be placed in a slightly less crowded group home. He runs his hand over his face tiredly, it wasn't perfect but it was all he could do. He knew there wasn't a single thing he could say to make Ryan feel better so they drove to Newport in silence.

Ryan's head had rose in interest as they drove past mansion after mansion. When Sandy pulled into a driveway that he assumed to be his house Ryan's curiosity pulled him out of his silence.

"I didn't know public defender's made this much money?" The crude sentence comes out with a tough edge but Sandy dismisses it- the Kid must be feeling very vulnerable.

"I don't," He chuckles, "But my wife does."

Ryan reaches for the door handle and Sandy puts a hand on his arm to get his attention.

"I actually have to go talk to my wife. Wait in the car, okay?" He reaches out to pocket the keys but his hand waivers and he gives Ryan an appraising look.

"It's no fun if the keys are in the ignition", He quips with a ghost of a smile playing on his features. For a second Sandy catches a glimpse of an unguarded sixteen year old child. He chuckles and leaves the key in the ignition. It's insured anyway.

"You brought him home!" Kirsten exclaims after her husband sheepishly approaches her and explains the situation. She sounds more surprised than she should and she knows that she will cave eventually but the dynamic of their relationship demands that she make Sandy sweat a little before she does, otherwise their home will be packed to the rafters with juvenile delinquents.

"What about Seth?" she demands.

"Seth'll be fine. It'll be good for him to hang out with someone his own age" He cringes knowing he may have oversold it.

"And Ryan wants to hang out with some one like Seth?" Sandy cringes, like he always does when his wife bluntly points out that their son is not a normal teenager. Kirsten has always been more pragmatic than starry eyed idealist Sandy Cohen. Nowhere is this more obvious than in how they choose to deal with their son's disability. Kirsten knows that Seth isn't any _less _than anyone else chooses not to ignore the fact that a lot of people view him that way and that his limitations do put him at a physical disadvantage. Sandy Cohen was affirmed in his decision to change the world when it became clear that his son would struggle in it. He was ready and willing to take on any battles with or on behalf of his son but he also tended to assume, like many idealists, than everyone believed what he did. That made him trusting and then hurt him when people displayed their prejudice. Kirsten was, quite frankly sick to death of watching the cycle repeat. She wanted him to think about how this boy might react to Seth.

"Kirsten" He sighs shrugging his shoulders. Finally, she relents.

"He sleeps in the pool house. I'll get the linens and towels. You have to explain about Seth." She urges.

Sandy heads to the car and then down the drive-way looking for Ryan. He catches the tail end of his conversation with Marissa. He clumsily affirms the cousin from Boston story not as quick on the uptake as he usually is but it has been a long day. Marissa walks away and he reviews the house rules with Ryan as they turn to walk back to the house. He starts by removing the cigarette from Ryan's mouth.

"There will be no smoking in the house, understand?" Ryan simply nods.

"Also my son has cerebral palsy", Ryan looks non-pulsed and nods again "It's not a big deal but I figured I would give you fair warning" He finishes awkwardly turning to head to the house.

"What's his name?" Ryan asks falling in step with Sandy as they head up the driveway to the house.

"Seth". Sandy replies before filling Ryan in on the house rules. Ryan was expecting them to be a lot harsher. He could definitely spend a weekend under those conditions.

Once he is settled into the pool house and Ryan has thanked them for letting him stay Sandy and Kirsten head to bed. Ryan hits the shower and stands under the steamy stream for a long time trying to make sense of his day. He cannot think about what his life will be beyond this weekend. Sandy seems well meaning but Ryan knows better than to let himself relax. If he relaxed he would get comfortable and trust them and then he would get hurt. This resolve is what he is focused on when he finally drifts off to sleep.

Ryan wakes up with a start, unsure of where he is. When the events of the day before come flooding back he groans and sinks into the pillows before pushing himself up and heading to the bathroom. Once he has used the toilet he is not sure what to do with himself so he heads to the main house. He follows the sound of the television to the living room where he is faced with a teenage boy with brown curly hair and glasses eating a bowl of cereal while playing a video game. He is enthusiastically exclaiming something when Ryan walks in. He turns flushed from embarrassment.

"Hey" He offers as a greeting "You must be Ryan"

"Yup. You're Seth?" He nods at him.

"I am. Do you want to play?' He offers him the controller. Ryan notices the strange way he grips the controller and then sees the wheelchair by the couch. Seth follows his eyes and knows he has noticed the chair. Seth waits patiently holding out the controller. He is used to people reacting to his disability. The people worth knowing usually just need a moment to process before moving on. He hopes Ryan is one of them. It'll make this weekend a lot less awkward. Ryan's expression is impassive when he nods and grabs the controller from Seth who scoots over to make room for him on the couch. He moves awkwardly but quickly and resumes playing. In between their groans, exclamations and playful trash talk they don't say much but the silence is easy. Seth is big on chatting but even he recognizes that Ryan needs to be handled carefully so they keep the conversation light.

"Ryan, do you want some breakfast? I can make cereal and cereal. My Mum will be back in a bit and my dad is making some calls" Seth offers.

"I can get it" Ryan rushes to stand and heads to the Kitchen.

"Suit yourself, man" Seth mumbles transferring into his chair and following Ryan into the Kitchen. "It's the cabinet over the microwave" He moves over to the fridge to grab some milk putting it on the kitchen table and gesturing for Ryan to have a seat. Once he does Seth parks his chair across him on the table and puts the brakes on.

Kirsten walks in to find the boys silently reading comic books across from each other. She is concerned when she sees Seth in his chair.

"Seth are you feeling okay?" she asks knowing that though his ability to walk is limited he rarely starts off his day in the chair preferring instead to do as much as he could standing up and using the chair once he is exhausted.

Seth rolls his eyes at his Mum's tone. She acts like Ryan isn't even there. "Tonight is the fashion thing," He offers refusing to clarify in Ryan's presence.

She rolls her eyes back mockingly but accepts the explanation. Ryan watches this easy exchange in wonder. He hasn't been near a family this easy with each other in a long time. He wonders if his Mum had ever expressed concern in such a relaxed way. He snaps back at the sound of his name. He smiles embarrassed knowing he has missed a huge chunk of conversation.

"I'm sorry?" He asks.

"I was offering to show around Newport today. We have the whole day until we have to get back to change?" He phrases it like a question even if it isn't.

"Sounds good" He replies.

Forty five minutes later they were at a dock and Seth was excitedly leading the way. Ryan has to do move somewhere between a run and a walk to keep up with him and it looks a little bit like he is skipping. Seth looks back and picks up pace and before they know it they are racing down the dock and Ryan is laughing for the first time in a long time. The dock is sloped and Seth had a head start so he gets there before Ryan.

"Well, here she is" He declares when Ryan comes to a panting stop next to him. His smoking habit isn't really helping his athleticism but Seth seems totally unaffected by their race.

"A boat?" He eyes the vessel skeptically.

"Well you asked what we do here in Newport- sailing is right up there with golf, parties and judging. It's also the only one I enjoy" He explains.

"This is yours?" He asks watching Seth transfer on to the boat.

"Yes it is. Come aboard." He tosses Ryan a life jacket and Ryan climbs in. He watches Seth collapse the wheelchair easily and put it in its little compartment. He is a bustle of activity but pauses for a second.

"Could you grab that and hand it to me" He points up to a rope well out of his reach sitting down.

Ryan silently hands it to him but wonders how he sails usually.

"I usually bring a pair of crutches so I can get up but honestly my parents never let me on the boat alone. They are convinced I will drown." He answers.

Ryan raises his head surprised Seth answered a question he didn't even ask. Seth is pre-occupied tying a knot. Ryan has never really seen anyone tie a knot like that. Seth uses his left hand which is clearly less cooperative more to pin the rope down than grip it. His right hand does everything else.

"You can stand?" Ryan asks obviously surprised. He blurts it out before he can stop himself. He flushes scarlet obviously mortified by his outburst.

"I can stand and walk- kind of. It's not very pretty or fast so I use the chair a lot. You don't have to look so guilty. I'd rather you just asked instead of staring at me wondering all afternoon" He smiles frankly at Ryan before re-focusing on the task at hand. Once finished he claps his hands triumphantly and they set off.

Between the amazing view the fresh air and Seth's easy company and funny running commentary Ryan has an amazing afternoon. When they explode into the Cohen kitchen laughing and joking playfully Kirsten is shocked at the contrast between this happy young man and the sullen teen on her driveway last night. The second he notices Kirsten in the kitchen his guard is up again. Seth notes the change in atmosphere but cannot help but be glad that Ryan is comfortable dropping his guard around him after one afternoon. Seth, like his Father, loves to believe the best in people but has learnt not to take rejection seriously- some people cannot see beyond the chair and the quirky gait. Ryan got over his embarrassment over the question he asked really quickly. Seth appreciated the way he didn't make a big deal out of it but helped him with doors and stuff in a matter of fact way. Seth was more than ready to finally have a male friend, or any friend for that matter.

He smiles and rolls his eyes at Ryan when Kirsten shoos him out of the kitchen to get ready for the party.

She smiles at Ryan and if it is a little chilly it is because Kirsten isn't known for her warmth. You have to get to know her first to have access to her kindness and generous spirit.

"I left you some clothes for tonight on your bed. We'll leave in an hour. Do you need anything?" The tone was no non-sense but Ryan saw the kindness in her eyes.

"I'm good. Thanks Kirsten, for everything" His words are laden with meaning as he flashes to where he would be at that very moment without the Cohen's intervention. Definitely not heading to some fancy party.

Frustrated with attempts to do his tie Ryan takes it off and throws it on to the bed before looking at himself in the mirror. The suit is the most expensive thing he has ever worn. He feels like a fraud. Just then there is a knock on the door and Seth walks in. He is aided by forearm crutches and his legs drag behind sluggishly the drag on his left leg barely lifts. Now that he is standing up Ryan realizes that Seth is taller than he is.

"Looking good" he waggles his eyebrows mock suggestively "No tie?"

"Nope. It's a look." Ryan answers defensively and Seth can guess at what the problem is. He moves toward the bed and it takes what seems to Ryan to be an eternity.

"I think I could probably beat you if we had a re-match now" He jokes.

Seth seems surprised at his comment but he chuckles appreciatively.

"Was that a joke? I was worried they didn't have humor in Chino" He retorts.

Once on the bed Seth sits down and puts the crutches aside reaching for the tie.

"I am really good at this. My parents make me go to these things all the time," He sighs as he loops the tie around his neck and begins.

Ryan puts on the tie and the boys head to the living room where during a skating video game Seth tells Ryan about his passions- comic books, sailing, music and Summer Roberts. Ryan just nods along realizing why Seth named his boat summer breeze. Seth is comfortable taking the lead conversationally in fact it seems as though he has waited his whole life to hang out with a friend. Ryan likes Seth but he can tell that his sardonic humour and unusual passions would single him out as a loser at almost any school but add to that the crutches and the chair he would be willing to stake money on the fact that Seth didn't have many friends.

At the fashion show Ryan struggles through the dinner feeling anxious and out of place and terrified of using the wrong fork but as the show starts Marissa walks out on to the catwalk and catches his eye. Seth is watching him not really surprised that Ryan would lock on to the hottest girl in town his Dad had told him that he had found him chatting up Marissa as the cousin from Boston. Ryan caught him staring but he just raised a questioning eyebrow and jerked his head toward the stage and was rewarded by a visibly flustered Ryan. When Summer came on to stage to model Seth stopped making his sugar cube statue and tugged at Ryan's sleeve like an excite-able puppy.

"That's her. That's Summer".

After the show Summer Roberts came over to invite them to a party. Or rather she invited Ryan eyeing him suggestively while she did and then included Seth as an afterthought when prompted by Ryan. Ryan was ambivalent about spending his last night in Newport at a party but Seth convinced him that they needed to go. Now all he had to do was convince his parents.

Kirsten raised her eyebrow as she watched her Son approach. She could tell from his expression that he was going to ask for something.

"Hey Mum. Did I tell you how adorable that dress is? You look stunning, simply stunning," He opened clearly thinking his approach was genius.

"What do you want Seth?" His Father asks joining his Mother.

"To go to a party, at Holly's beach house," Seth asks abandoning subtlety.

"No," Kirsten's reply comes quickly. She turns to wave at her friend clearly considering the subject closed.

"Come on Dad. Summer is going to be there, she invited us. Ryan and I will be back by whatever time you decide just please let us go" He pleads shifting uncomfortably on his feet.

"You look exhausted Son," He comments.

"I'm fine. We'll get to the party and I'll sit down and I won't get up again until we leave. You guys are always telling me I need to hang out with kids my own age. Can I go to a party with a friend like a normal kid" He whines. Ryan sees Kirsten and Sandy's faces crumple and he knows that they are going to agree but he also sees the glint in the corner of Seth's eyes. He doesn't confront Seth about it until they are out of ear shot of his parents.

"You played them?" He asks incredulous.

To his credit Seth is shamefaced at being discovered but he shrugs and smiles sheepishly while Ryan chuckles. They climb into the car and Sandy drives them the short distance to Holly's house. Seth chatters incessantly in the back seat brainstorming ideas for his first conversation with Summer.

"Do you think I should tell her about the boat, about Tahiti?" He asks.

"I'd wait" Ryan replied at the same time Sandy exclaimed "No Seth!" from the front seat.

"Maybe just have a conversation first. Nice and easy, you don't want to scare her off," Ryan explains. Seth nods thoughtfully as Sandy nods his thanks after catching Ryan's eye in the rearview mirror.

"I'll be here to pick you up in two hours. Call me if anything happens. No questions I will come and pick you up" Sandy urges focusing on his son's face as he speaks.

"I promise Dad. See you in a bit. Come on Ryan," Seth urges as he makes his way to the door.

Ryan notices that Seth's legs are dragging a bit more than earlier in the evening. As Seth enters the door that Ryan is holding open he also notes how tired Seth looks and decides to keep an eye on him. However he spots Marissa across the room and she gives him a warm inviting smile. Seth rolls his eyes at him and nudges him in her direction.

"I'm going to do a lap to try and find Summer and find somewhere to sit down" He explains. Ryan nods and approaches Marissa noting guiltily what a wide berth people give Seth even at such a crowded party. A few of them are probably worried about getting in his way but it seems deeper, like they are afraid to touch him. Marissa smiles and hands him a drink. They talk easily about nothing smiling the smiles unique to conversations between girls and boys where every accidental brush sends a tingle of electricity and every smile and look is encoded with deeper meaning. He almost forgets about Seth until he glimpses a group of boys carrying something down the beach toward the ocean. It only takes him a second to recognize the limp body as Seth and he puts down his drink and dashes to the beach. He tackles one of the boys and they drop Seth into an undignified heap. Seth attempts to straighten himself out while Ryan takes on the group of boys. Punching wildly knowing the best chance he has is to scare them enough before they can recollect themselves enough to remember that four against one isn't exactly a fair fight. The boy he is punching pushes him off and runs away and Ryan breathes heavily relieved that his gamble paid off. He turns to Seth aware that he wouldn't want to be babied if the situation we're reversed.

"Are you okay?" Ryan's tone would be nonchalant if it wasn't for his heavy panting.

"Yeah. They threw my crutches in the ocean. Assholes," There isn't any venom in his voice, he sounds almost distracted looking anxiously at the house hoping no one saw.

Marissa had kept her distance from the scuffle but noted with disgust that her boyfriend Luke Ward was one of the guys who had picked up Seth. She was so over his shit. She approaches the boys.

"Are you okay?" It's a ridiculous question considering Ryan is sprawled on the beach breathing heavily and Seth looks mortified.

"We're excellent. Your boyfriend just wanted to see if a cripple could swim. I'm happy to help with Luke's scientific research" Seth spits his shock finally giving way to anger.

"I'm sorry. He's not my boyfriend anymore" She adds unnecessarily shifting uncomfortably from foot to foot unsure of how to help.

"Do you know a way we could get out of here without being spotted by anyone? My man here has a reputation to uphold" Ryan jokes standing up and approaching Seth.

"Er yeah. We could go round the back" Marissa answers.

"How are we going to do this?" He asks the brown haired boy surveying the situation.

"Um… Help me up and I could kind of lean on you?" He suggests.

Ryan nods and holds out his hands. It takes a few tries and Marissa has to turn away because something in her hurt tugs watching Seth struggle to find his balance on the sand. The only reason she's never had a conversation with Seth Cohen is she has no idea what to say to him. She just feels so bad for him. Spotting his glasses on the beach she rushes to give them to him. Noticing his hands are full with trying to balance gripping Ryan's shoulders and dragging his legs slowly up the beach meeting with resistance with the sand since he can't lift them that high, she perches them on his nose. He gives her a half smile that doesn't quite reach his eyes and nods his thanks. They make the walk to the driveway in silence and when they get there Seth is pale and his mouth is drawn into a hard line Ryan isn't sure if it's from pain or exhaustion. He sits down leaning heavily on Ryan as he does. His legs are splayed awkwardly and he runs his hands up and down his thighs.

"Pass your phone, I'll call your Dad," He demands quietly leaning into Seth's ear to talk to him.

"He'll be here in like ten minutes anyway. I can wait it out. I think Marissa wants to talk to you" He nods at the girl waiting awkwardly for the boys to finish their conversation.

Ryan approaches Marissa.

"How could you date that guy?" He asks bitterly.

"He's a jerk but I've known him for years. I had no idea.." She trails off uncertainly.

"Yeah well, you do now" It comes out more aggressive than Ryan intended.

"Look you're leaving at the end of the weekend. You do not get to come here and tell me how to live my life. None of this is my fault," She turns around to storm off but Ryan grabs her arm.

"You're right. Thanks for helping us. Can we give you a ride home?" He asks. Marissa is amazed at how quickly she shifts from furious to calm again but she simply nods her head. They head back down the driveway and sit next to Seth who looks ready to pass out.

Sandy pulls up the driveway and doesn't say a word about Ryan's bruises, Seth's missing crutches or obvious exhaustion or the fact that he is now driving Marissa Cooper home. The ride home is awkward but when the car jostles on a bump Ryan puts a steadying hand on Marissa's thigh and she flushes with pleasure so he keeps it there all the way home.

After quickly thanking Sandy for the ride Marissa scurries to her own front door. Left alone with the boys Sandy finally clears his throat to speak.

"What happened?" He demands.

"It was nothing Dad some guys just stole my crutches as a prank and hit Ryan when he tried to get them back" Seth lies so easily Ryan is sure things like this must happen to him more often than he cares to admit.

"Who did this Seth?" His voice is teetering on the brink of furious.

"It doesn't matter. I'm exhausted. We can talk more tomorrow," He turns to the house and Ryan steps forward to offer him an arm which he accepts wordlessly. He doesn't speak again until they are in his room and he exhaustedly approaches the bed.

"You really had my back man but you shouldn't have done that," He states.

"Why not?" He asks curiously.

"Because that kind of stuff happens to me. Never really as bad as picking me up and trying to drown me but if you punch everyone who has a problem with me your fists are going to get pretty tired during our friendship. Just fair warning." Seth mumbles as he undoes the laces on his shoes. He doesn't mention the risk Ryan runs of landing himself back in juvie.

"I saw him making out with a girl who wasn't Marissa, I had my own reasons" He answers easily.

"It was pretty great to see you punch Luke. That dude shaves his chest." He chuckles.

"Why didn't you shout for help when they jumped you?" Ryan asks.

"They wanted to scare me. I wasn't going to give them the satisfaction. I mean, I was scared but I can swim so…" He trails off.

Ryan isn't sure how to reply so he just nods impressed at Seth's balls.

"I'll see you tomorrow Ryan. Goodnight" Seth leans over and offers his fist. Ryan nods and bumps fists with him.

Ready for bed and about to drift off to sleep Ryan reflects on what a strange welcome to the OC he received although with the punching and drinking maybe it wasn't so different from home.


	2. Chapter 2

The rest of the weekend passes uneventfully. The boys hang out in the pool, play video games and read comic books. Marissa comes over to hang out for a while on Sunday afternoon. They don't talk about what happened at Holly's beach house, they don't talk about Luke. In fact Marissa spends most of her time trying to field Seth's questions about Summer. When they find out they have a lot of the same taste in music they argue passionately about an NME article about Kings of Leon. Ryan is silent, because he feels left out but also because he is dreading Monday when the social services office opens and they take custody of him. He needn't have worried Seth had finally decided to use his guilt tripping powers for good and not evil and has been laying it on thick for his parents. He claims that Ryan saved his life and that they would be consigning him to a lonely existence of they sent away the one cool person in Newport. It had worked. His parents weren't blind to the difficulties their son had making friends. Since Ryan's arrival he was spending less time in his room and laughing more. Ryan could benefit from some stability so they weren't being completely selfish, they reasoned. Sandy planned on making some enquiries about becoming Ryan's legal guardians.

They are seated around the table during Sunday dinner when Sandy clears his throat to speak. Seth stares at his father curiously already suspicious that they were having dinner in the dining room instead of the living room of their laps or on the kitchen counter.

"Ryan, Sandy and I have hired a private investigator to locate your Mother but we were hoping you would consider staying with up until we found her. We got permission from child protective services to serve as your temporary legal guardians," Kirsten says beating Sandy to the punch.

"Really? You don't have to do this." Ryan is guarded and uncertain.

"We want to," Sandy states simply looking into Ryan's eyes and refusing to break contact.

"Thank you," Ryan clears his throat overwhelmed with gratitude. He heads into the kitchen under the guise of clearing the dishes to pull himself together.

He turns at the sound of Seth coming into the Kitchen, at the beginning of the weekend it had been awkward for Ryan to watch someone his own age move at an eighth of the pace but he was getting used to Seth's gait.

"This is going to be awesome. Maybe you'll stay until the end of summer?" He speculates.

"I guess that depends on whether my Mum wants to be found, whether she cares about where I am or what I am doing." Seth appreciates that it must hurt Ryan not only to say such a long sentence but to express vulnerability. Still, he doesn't know what to say.

"Mom, I really need you to understand that I am too old for my Mummy to drop me off at physio and hold my hand," Seth whines from his spot at the breakfast table.

"How do you intend to get there? Sixteen is not too old" Kirsten replies distractedly.

"What's up?" asks Ryan as he walks in and makes a bee line for the coffee. He has been with the Cohen's for a month and is getting more comfortable butting into their conversations.

"I'll take the bus" Seth declares obstinately "My Mum won't let me go to physio by myself" He informs Ryan who watches the pair with interest as he pours his coffee. He knows that Seth disappears every week but he wasn't sure where he was going and wasn't comfortable asking.

"The bus? By yourself? Seth, do you even know where the bus stop is?" She asks. Kirsten thinks that she is playing her trump card. Her son, born and bred in the Orange County could not possibly know anything about public transport.

"I looked it up on google maps. I know exactly where it is and which bus I have to take." Seth retorts.

"Did you know about this?" Kirsten turns wildly to face Sandy who has just entered the kitchen.

"About the bus? I thought it was a great idea," He claims nodding at Ryan as he approaches the coffee "I may have thought wrong" He adds when he notices Kirsten's expression.

"No Dad you didn't. You thought right." Seth insists.

"I can go with him," Ryan adds trying to be helpful. The glare Kirsten shoots him suggests he would have been better off not saying anything.

"No offence man but it kind of defeats the whole independence purpose" Seth throws at him. Ryan shrugs his shoulders and focuses on his coffee unsure of how to respond. Kirsten however sees an opportunity and pounces.

"You either go with Ryan or I drop you off as usual" She offers. She has long employed the tactic of the false compromise where she offers an even less popular alternative in the guise of negotiating.

"I chose Ryan then. We leave in ten, dude" Seth heads to his bedroom to finish getting ready, pausing by the fridge to offer his mother a triumphant peck on the cheek.

When Seth leaves Kirsten turns at her husband. Ryan is worried she is furious but instead she looks kind of proud and sad.

"He's sixteen Kirsten, he was going to want to do more things on his own sooner or later" Sandy says in an attempt to pacify her.

"I know", she sighs taking a defeated sip of her coffee.

"You guys will be careful?" She asks Ryan "It's Seth's first time on any kind of bus".

Ryan struggles to keep his face impassive at this information. A seventeen year old who had never been on the bus seems crazy to him. If Seth has always needed his Parents to give him a ride it was no wonder he is itching for a little independence. His mind turned to his Mother a subject he had obsessed over ever since the Sandy had told him about the private investigator. Did she want to be found? Did she care that she had left a sixteen year old to fend for himself when Seth's parents wouldn't even let him take the bus? He takes a sip of coffee feeling Kirsten's eyes on him. She has taken to watching him. He knows she isn't sure what to say but he is also sure that her gaze is motivated by pity and as grateful as he is for everything she has done, that just pisses him off. He wills himself to look up and smile brightly.

"I'm going to go finish getting ready" He announces to no one in particular before he heads back to the pool house.

Half an hour later Seth is standing at the bus stop for the first time waiting for the bus. He shifts on his crutches clearly excited.

"Calm down dude, it's just the bus" Ryan comments looking at his watch and noting that buses really are less frequent in nicer parts of town.

"It's not just the bus, Ryan. I think you're ready to be let in on the bigger picture here" He says solemnly.

"The bigger picture?" Ryan repeats Seth's words back to him slowly wondering if he is aware of how ridiculous he sounds but also to prompt him since he is more than a little intrigued.

"The bigger picture or as I call it; How Seth gets to talk to Summer for a second time and ask her for a ride home" Seth declares triumphantly.

"I thought this was about the bus. About independence?" Ryan asks.

"Oh Ryan, this was never about the bus. This was always about Summer, who is a candy striper at the hospital and my Mother who comes to every therapy session with me making it impossible for me to make a move!"

"So it's about a girl" Ryan concludes, rolling his eyes.

"About THE girl. Have you been listening to me?"

"Obsess about Summer. Yeah dude I have. It's not a bad plan but was it worth lying to your parents over?"

"It isn't a lie. It's spin. I got on her radar but that was like a month ago. If I don't speak to her again it will be like it never happened."

Ryan opens his mouth to respond but the bus pulls round. Ryan hops on first explaining to the driver that Seth needs to take his time. It takes some doing but Seth gets on the bus. The boys ignore the other passengers' impatient and pitying looks and grab seats near the front.

"So this is public transportation, huh?" Seth smiles.

Summer Roberts didn't usually work the physiotherapy ward but they were short staffed and she had been asked to handle showing the clients where they needed to be and helping them get there if they needed it. It was a pretty easy shift. Summer liked volunteering at the hospital. For one thing it let her see her Dad more often and she got to watch him in action with his patients which was really cool. For another contrary to popular belief (belief that she hadn't exactly courted but hadn't run away from either) Summer Roberts did have interests outside tanning and shopping. Sometimes it was nice to just focus on other people. Summer smiles at the elderly woman she has just helped into the work out room giving her a friendly wave and heading back to the reception. She likes it in physio. Maybe she'll ask to come back or even to be permanently re-assigned. In other wards things can be really bleak but this ward has people actively participating in their recovery- which is pretty awesome.

"Summer!" She looks up at the sound of her name. She recognizes the voice of the boy she had only officially met a few weeks earlier at Holly's party. Seth Cohen. If she is honest she has had a hard time getting him out of her mind. Like most people at her school it had always been easier for her to pretend that he didn't exist than to deal with how awkward it was to interact with him. She had felt weird when he approached her at the party but she couldn't really walk away from him. So she had forced herself to stay and she was glad she did. He was really intensely into her and while it would be creepy and off putting on other guys it was endearing on Seth. He was charming and he made her laugh and when they were sitting down it was easy to ignore the almost imperceptible slur to his speech and the odd way he held his left hand- the fingers curling slightly inward. He was just a boy and she was just a girl. When she left to go to the bathroom Holly pulled her aside and whispered "Oh my God Sum we just did a butt load of charity work so ditch the crip and lets have fun!". Summer is ashamed of herself for being with friends with someone who would say something like that but she is even more ashamed that she laughed and told Holly that she would be right there and then took her time in the bathroom, making sure that Holly was well out of sight before she went back to find Seth. He was gone and she didn't really look for him because a huge part of her was relieved that she now had an easy out.

Still, there was no denying that her face flushed and heart fluttered when she saw him but she also dropped her gaze so she wouldn't have to look directly at him as he awkwardly made his way toward his feet dragging across the floor and his crutches tapping a gentle staccato on the linoleum. He seemed so okay with it so oblivious to the stares he was getting even here in a hospital.

"Hey Cohen." she replies when he finally reaches the reception desk. She feigns nonchalance noticing for the first time that Chino was next to him.

"I didn't know you worked here" Seth starts.

"I don't, they were shorthanded. Do you have an appointment?" She interrupts brusquely not wanting to give him any false hope. It's kinder this way, she reminds herself.

"Um yeah- with Phil at eleven." Seth is confused by her coldness. He thought they were getting along at the party. He glances at Ryan who raises his eyebrow and shrugs.

"Have a seat and I'll check whether he is ready to see you." Her tone is professional and she avoids meeting his gaze.

Seth wishes he was less familiar with this look than he is. It's shame. People are ashamed to look him in the eye, to be seen with him and apparently to have had conversations with him. He turns and heads to the waiting room chairs nearby. A confused Ryan follows him.

"What happened to the plan? I thought you were going to talk to her?" Ryan asks as they sit down.

"Clearly she doesn't want to talk to me." Seth answers. It's the first time Ryan has heard even a trace of bitterness from the boy. It is gone just as quickly as it appeared. "You were probably right man. She's just a girl. The world is full of girls- in fact a little more than half full of girls so.." He trails off.

"That's true but you might be giving up to easily. I saw her face when she walked in- she was excited to see you" Ryan says.

"Really? She doesn't seem very excited" Seth replies skeptically.

"If you ask me she's just worried about what those douches she hangs out with will think." Ryan observes.

"I can't do anything about that can I.." Seth stops abruptly when Summer approaches them.

"Phil is ready for you. Room 3B. Do you need me to show you where it is?" She asks.

"No I know where it is. Thanks," Summer responds to his warm smile with a curt nod and walks away kicking herself for being such a cow and reminding herself that she is doing the right thing.

Ryan watches the whole exchange half amused and half annoyed on Seth's behalf. It is clear that Summer likes him but she is so worried about what people will think that she cannot dare show it. It would be kind of funny if it wasn't for the fact that Seth did not need this crap from her. Ryan is surprised when Seth invited him to follow him into the room for his physio appointment. He almost refuses but realizes that he is being ridiculous.

"Are you sure?" He asks hesitantly as he follows Seth down the corridor.

"You sound worried. It's just stretches and some light working out and stuff. Nothing gross, I promise" He laughs and Ryan joins in nervously. Seth knows that it might seem odd to Ryan but a big part of getting comfortable with Seth's body is de-mystifying his disability and the stuff that comes with it. He doesn't really have a problem with Ryan watching.

After introducing Ryan to a huge muscular black man who is his physiotherapist Phil, Seth allows Phil to take over helping him lower himself onto the mat covered floor Seth reaches over and begins to undo the lightweight lower leg braces he wears.

"How are you doing this week, Seth?" Phil asks as he motions for Seth to lie down and begins to stretch out his left leg.

"Operation talk to Summer again was a bust. All that emotional blackmail I had to use to get you to transfer her was a waste." Seth jokes earning a groan from Ryan who had been sitting quietly.

"That's a shame but she's a good worker so I'll keep her on and maybe you'll get another chance. How has the pain been this week?"

"Pretty much the same"

"Still having trouble sleeping?"

"I only needed the pills twice this week"

"Did you use the chair more this week?"

"Same as usual"

Seth tries to answer the questions in a matter of fact way but it is different with Ryan there. He is relieved when Phil starts to focus on stretching and massaging his legs and turns his focus to Ryan.

Ryan appreciates what Seth was trying to do when he invited him in but he is still relieved when the session is over because hospitals make him nervous and the room is full of kids even younger than him and Seth some of whom can barely move let alone walk. He is glad he was able to keep Seth company though, it was fun talking to him. Seth is putting his braces and shoes back on to Ryan excuses himself saying he has to go to the bathroom but really going to do some recon on Summer. He finds her at the reception desk.

"What can I do for you Chino?" She asks impatiently.

"Do you get off soon? Do you think you could give us a ride? I don't think Seth is up to a bus ride again." He decides to launch into it without preamble.

"You took the bus? Ew!" She wrinkles her nose with distaste and Ryan tries not to roll his eyes.

"I can tell you really like him" Ryan continues fighting the urge to laugh at Summer's slack jawed expression "And I know what it's like to pull away because you're scared but you aren't doing Seth any favours." Ryan can tell by her expression that he has hit the nail on the head so he doesn't push any further instead he just smiles "Can we get that ride?"

Summer just nods "I'll meet you out front in five".

Ryan nods and hurries off to tell Seth.

Seth isn't sure how Ryan pulled it off but he is sitting in Summer Roberts' car. She smells exactly like he thought she would. After their cold start this morning she is talking to him and looking him in the eye and everything. Ryan suggests they all grab a bite to eat and Summer agrees even calling Marissa to meet them. Seth makes a mental note to thank Ryan.

They have lunch on the pier. Marissa and Seth continue to fight about music and everyone chats easily about nothing in particular. Marissa and Ryan then disappear on some flimsy excuse and leave Seth and Summer alone. An uncomfortable silence descends.

"What is going on Summer?" Seth eventually blurts out.

"What do you mean?" Summer replies she is studiously inspecting the table.

"I mean, everything is going really well and you just clam up. Am I making you uncomfortable?" He asks clearly flummoxed.

"No. I just don't know what you want from me Cohen.." She trails off.

"I want to get to know you" Seth replies easily.

"Oh" she replies and continues picking at the table. She glances at Seth's legs and quickly looks away.

Seth sighs "You can ask me anything. I don't mind."

Summer isn't sure how to respond. She looks up and his cute face is wearing the sweetest expression she has ever seen on a guy. She tries to form the words to ask the questions that she knows will address her hang ups and make her more comfortable around him but he is so handsome and so earnest that all she can think about is what it would feel like to kiss him. Impulse control has never really been one of Summer's strong points and so before she knows it she is kissing Seth Cohen. Nothing in Seth's life had prepared him for the moment that a beautiful girl's lips crashed into his own so his recovery is admirable. For the first few seconds all he can do is worry about whether or not he is a good kisser but then a warm feeling comes over his whole body and he is transported to a place with no thoughts, only sensation. It's the kind of kiss that makes you lose track of time. Summer pulls away and looks into his eyes for a second stroking his hair gently which Seth takes as permission to move his hands from the side of her body and to her face. He is touching Summer Roberts' face! She leans in again and this time he is ready for her. He isn't sure how much time they spend kissing on that bench but she pulls away when she sees Ryan and Marissa approaching. Ryan and Marissa are holding hands when they come back to the table. Marissa offers to give the guys a lift home and Seth cannot think of a single logical reason to say no. They all say quick goodbyes but when Summer leans in for a hug Seth struggles to keep his balance but has the presence of mind to ask her if he can call her.

"You better" she whispers into his ear giggling softly.

Seth is in a hurry to get his phone out of his pocket so he can get her number. Unfortunately when he tries to rush things that require his motor skills they tend to take longer and look clumsier. He curses himself for forgetting that when Summer's gaze drops as he hands her his phone. Still she gives him her number. Seth is lost in his thoughts as they drive home so he isn't sure what Ryan and Marissa talk about. He cannot wait to get into the pool house and tell Ryan every detail of what just happened so he can get some advice on when he should call Summer. His first instinct is to call her from the car but he ignores it. Ryan will know how to handle this.


	3. Chapter 3

Seth Cohen was not having a good morning. He had barely gotten any sleep and his muscles were so sore he knew he would have to spend his whole day in his wheelchair, which would make his Mum freak out and be on his case all day. He sits up in bed gently flexing his legs underneath the sheets. It wasn't too bad, he reasons. He could probably make it downstairs for breakfast and fake it until his Mum left for breakfast. Seth has had to become an expert in parental management (not manipulation, management). He still hasn't had a chance to brainstorm with Ryan about Summer. He should catch him now before Marissa has a chance to monopolise his attention. Seth is really happy for his friend but when Marissa is around Ryan has a hard time focusing. He grits his teeth in determination as he drags himself out of bed remembering that to fool his Mum he needs to get to breakfast without his ankle braces. He reaches for his crutches and slowly makes his way to the breakfast nook where he takes out the cereal, a bowl and some milk and sits down before pouring himself some breakfast. Luckily his Mother is in a hurry and doesn't push the issue when he insists that he is feeling fine. She grabs a cup of coffee and rushes out the door.

Seth is finishing his cereal when Ryan enters the room.

"Hey man. How did it go with Marissa last night?" Seth had left them standing in the driveway where they had stayed talking until Sandy called Ryan in for dinner.

"It was… weird. She told me she liked me but she also said that she has to go to Tijuana with Luke..." He mumbles into his cereal bowl.

"With Luke? I thought they were over?"

"Well not with him with him but he's going to be there. She's driving down with him but she says it's just so everyone in the group knows it doesn't have to be weird now that they've broken up" Ryan explains.

"What did you say?"

"What could I say? We haven't even been on a real date yet. She isn't my girlfriend. I told her I'd see her when I got back."

"You could have told her about the girl that you saw Luke with," Seth suggests.

"It wasn't my place," Ryan shrugs. Seth can tell that Ryan is beginning to feel uncomfortable with the discussion so he tries to change the subject.

"Is Summer going?" He asks.

"Yeah I think she is" Ryan shrugs.

Ryan notices the change in Seth's expression "What happened between the two of you?"

"We totally kissed last night. She kissed me. It was awesome." Seth rushes.

"That is awesome" Ryan agrees.

"And she gave me her number. When do you think I should call her?"

Ryan laughs and heads off to the living room to play video games. He is settling up the games consule when he hears a crash from the hallway. He runs over to find Seth sprawled on the ground.

"Dude! What happened?" He asks as he kneels down to give Seth a hand.

"I um kinda fell" Seth answers sheepishly. He shrugs off Ryan's help, "It's actually easier if you just go to my room and grab my chair".

Ryan nods and heads off to Seth's downstairs bedroom. He barely takes in the surroundings as he grabs the chair and wheels it back to Seth. Seth is sitting up and wordlessly pulls the chair over and locks the brakes before leveraging himself into the chair.

"Um, what was that dude?" Ryan asks as he follows Seth into the living room. Seth doesn't answer until he is in the living room and settled on to the couch.

"I just tripped Ryan. It's cool." He answers simply. Ryan shrugs and joins him on the couch where they play Pro skater in their pyjamas having a perfectly lazy summer morning. Ryan and Seth come to the conclusion that he should call Summer after lunch and ask her out before she left for Tijuana.

Their plans turn out to have been useless. Seth's cell phone rings at around 11.

"It's Summer," he whispers throwing a panicked expression at Ryan.

"Pick it up" Ryan urges him rolling his eyes.

"Hello?" Seth answers the phone sounding a lot more confident than he feels.

"Hi. Cohen? It's Summer, I got your number out of the student directory. What are you and Chino up to today?"

"Um. We don't have any plans yet."

"Good. Can I come over?" She asks.

"Uh..Can you come over?" He repeats shooting another nervous glance at Ryan who nods enthusiastically "Uh sure. Do you need the address?"

"You live next door to my best friend Cohen. I'll be there in like an hour." She hangs up immediately.

Summer isn't very sure what makes her call Seth. She spent a long time when she first woke up thinking of all the things she would rather do than spend the day with him. The list is not long. If she is completely honest the list is non-existent. She stared at her phone for a long time while her new DVD of the Valley played in the background. The Valley reminds her about the possibilities of a summer fling. A summer fling for Summer? With Cohen. Well, there was nothing else to do. She was willing to explore the possibility.

Seth was waiting nervously in the kitchen when the doorbell rang. He had debated using the crutches so he wouldn't be looking up at Summer but he would rather not fall in front of her. Ryan watched as Seth popped wheelies in the kitchen. They had decided that Ryan would hang out with them for a bit and if it was going well he would go see what Marissa was up to. When the bell rang Seth wheeled himself over and let Summer in.

"Hi Cohen," Summer sings as she enters "nice house. Where's your bedroom?"

"Uh.. this way?" He shoots a confused look at Ryan who just shrugs and gestures that he will be leaving. Seth leads her into his room and tries not to think about the fact that she is the first woman apart from his Mother to enter his room. Suddenly his space themed comforter isn't an ironic wink to his childhood. He wonders if he should explain his ironic comforter but wisely decides against it. Summer circles his room inspecting it and her fingers gently trail the surfaces she walks past. He waits for her to say something.

"So this is your room?" She asks.

"This is it," Seth's voice sounds weird to him. Summer sits on the bed and he wheels in closer to sit next to her.

"Who's this?" She asks picking up the plastic horse on the side table. Seth flushes- he cannot believe he didn't hide him. He mumbles his answer.

"Captain Oats.." Seth repeats speaking up in response to Summer's playful nudge.

Summer puts down Captain Oats and turns to Seth.

"I wanted to talk about yesterday" She starts.

Seth begins to say something but she interrupts him knowing she just has to get through what she wants to say.

"About what you said about getting to know me. And how I could ask you anything and you wouldn't I wanted to hang out.."

Seth isn't sure what he was expecting but this was not it. Summer is biting her lip and looking up at him shyly almost as if she is nervous.

"We could play….. a game or something?" He suggests lamely. He wanted to suggest that they play magic the gathering but something stopped him.

"What made you come up to me at that party?" She blurts out.

"I thought you were beautiful and I just needed to know more. So I came up to talk to you." He answers his gaze fixed firmly on his lap.

"And what did you find out?" She asks playfully.

"That you are funny and sweet and of course there are the rage blackouts which give every encounter a dangerous edge that I am a huge fan off" He answers. Seth decides to go for it and takes her hand in his. Her hand is soft and small and his is bigger and calloused. Suddenly Seth feels really… imperfect. So when Summer kisses him again there is an undercurrent of sadness beneath all of the exciting warm feelings from the day before. Her hands begin to explore his chest and torso first over his t-shirt and then underneath it. When her small perfect hands make contact with his skin he pulls away.

"Why don't we watch a movie? I have a ton of DVDs," He suggests.

"Why don't we move this on to the bed?" Summer asks.

"Why did you come here Summer?" It comes out before he can stop himself.

The question takes Summer aback. His tone is full of anger and exhaustion that he is barely keeping in check. She knows what he is asking and she respects him too much to pretend that she doesn't but she also knows that the answer may not be what he wants to hear.

"I don't know Cohen. This is where I wanted to be today."

"I need for us to take this slow. We kissed and now we're in my bedroom kissing. Aren't there supposed to be movies and dinners in between all this stuff?"

"You want to date me?"

"I don't really have a lot of experience in that department so maybe we could um maybe we could do that" He answers shifting uncomfortably in his chair.

"So movies huh? You're like really into that kind of stuff aren't you?" She states brightly hoping off his bed and heading into his living room.

Seth isn't really clear on what just happened. Ever since he finally talked to Summer Roberts he has been feeling completely out of his element. She isn't leaving though she is examining the shelf of DVDs near the TV looking at him expectantly.

"What are we going to watch Cohen?"

Julie Cooper doesn't bother keeping the disdain off her face when she finds the Cohen's delinquent standing on her doorstep. He greets her politely and asks whether Marissa is home but she just rolls her eyes and goes to find her daughter not bothering to let him in.

"Hey Ryan!" Marissa greets him when she makes it to the door.

"Hey. Summer and Seth are hanging out at the Cohen's and I wanted to know if you wanted to hang out?"

"Er..," Marissa begins throwing a nervous glance at her house "Can we hang out in the pool house?"

"Sure!" He smiles and they head back to the Cohen's.

"So I wanted to ask you" Marissa opens. They hung out in the pool house talking before joining Seth and Summer to watch the movie. Ryan offered to make them all grilled cheese sandwiches for lunch and Marissa went along to help.

"What's up?" Ryan asks. He never thought he could be this comfortable with people who were complete strangers a week ago.

"Will you be here the weekend after we get back from Tijuana? The weekend before school starts?"

"I don't know. Why?" Ryan has all the ingredients for grilled cheese assembled on the counter and is considering whether or not to make them on the outdoor grill.

"Um well we have this thing; cotillion, it's like a debutante ball. I'm lead debutante and I need an escort. Luke was going to be mine but we're not dating anymore. Would you want to do it?"

"That sounds…" Ryan pauses searching for a diplomatic answer.

"Elitist and sexist? Only because it is, but it is a huge deal in Newport and Marissa is actually one of the less horrendous choices for lead deb. It could have been Holly and then we would all have to worry about our souls being sucked clean out of our bodies by that succubus." Seth interrupts wheeling toward the fridge.

"You're going?" Ryan asks Seth.

"I'm sixteen and my Mum was a debutante so I will have to offer myself as a white knight. Since crutches complement Vera Wang I'm pretty sure I won't have to actually participate but it's important to my Mum that I offer" Seth explains as he grabs two cans of mountain dew and places them in his lap.

"Seth I happen to know that there are a ton of girls without escorts so we are going to need all the white knights we can get" Marissa offers in a falsely encouraging tone that Seth rightly rolls his eyes at.

"Whatever, anyway we all have to go so you may as well escort Marissa" Seth finishes before rolling out to join Summer.

"Yeah Ryan, you may as well" She smacks him playfully.

"Sure, if I'm still here I'll go with you" He smiles and they head outside to grill the sandwiches.

"Did you know Seth's going to be a white knight?" Marissa asks Summer teasingly. They were in Marissa's room trying to decide on what to pack for their trip to Tijuana on Thursday.

"At Cotillion?" Summer asks distracted as she tries to paint her toenails on Marissa's bed. They had great afternoon chilling at the Cohen's house and she had agreed to sailing with him the next day.

"Yes at Cotillion. Summer you should ask him to be your escort. I can tell you really like him." Summer rolls her eyes at Marissa's self satisfied tone. She was sure her best friend thought she had her all figured out. Growing up in such a small town meant that once you were put into your little box it was really hard to leave it. Sometimes it annoyed her that Marissa insisted on pretending that things like that didn't matter.

"Seth Cohen as my escort. What would we do about the dancing? Or the part where he meets me halfway up the stairs?" She knows how horrible it sounds but unlike Marissa she believes in facing the truth no matter how much it hurts.

"Summ, we could work all that stuff out for someone you really cared about." Marissa insists.

"I do care about him Marissa but I barely know him so I'm not going to make this giant statement of togetherness in front of everyone just to be the bitch who dumped Seth Cohen a few weeks later or worse, the loser who got dumped by Seth Cohen"

"You don't know that you guys are going to break up."

"Except that I kind of do. Do you think you and Chino are going to last? Let's be honest here Marissa, what do we have in common with those guys?"

Her harsh words are followed by an awkward silence. Summer glares at her toes intensely. Marissa has never heard her friend react this strongly to a guy before.

"Wow Summer. You like him, you like him you really really like him!" Marissa teases brushing off her friend's bitchiness.

"So are you going to be Marissa's escort?" Seth asks. The boys are hanging out in the pool house. Seth is sprawled on the couch and Ryan is reading comic books on his bed.

"If I'm still in Newport" Ryan shrugs.

"Awesome. I'll be happy to have the company. I am so not looking forward to this Cotillion thing. None of the girls will want me and my Mum will take it personally. Dude, trust me, it will be a complete mess. But maybe you'll take some of the heat off me," Seth admits.

"Why does your Mum want you to be a part of Cotillion so much?"

"I guess she was lead deb and she wants to believe that it wouldn't have mattered to her, that she would have included me and that everyone can look past the superficial into my beautiful soul, or something. I actually have no idea" He laughs as he finishes. Ryan has no idea why this is so hilarious but it absolutely is.

"So what are you boys up to today?" Sandy asks as he digging into his bagel at the breakfast table.

"Funny you should ask Father. I have a date. With Summer Roberts." Seth declares triumphantly.

Sandy nearly chokes on his bagel but he covers his surprise well.

"Way to go son. She is hot." He notes as he nods approvingly. Seth doesn't reply choosing to express his emotions through a series of eloquent gagging motions.

"What are you two going to do?" He asks.

Seth mumbles some vague response about having lunch knowing his Dad would panic if he knew he was taking Summer sailing. Sandy turns away from Seth who shoots Ryan a look warning him not to tell his father by placing his finger on his lips.

"So Ryan- what are you going to do today?"

"I thought I would just hang out. Maybe go for a run later. I don't want to cramp Seth's style on his date." Ryan smiles rinsing off his bowl before putting it in the dishwasher.

Sandy's cell phone rings and he steps outside of the kitchen to answer it once he notes that it is the private investigator.

"Mr. Cohen, I think I found Dawn Atwood." The private investigator says.

Sandy looks into the kitchen at the two boys laughing about something and starts walking toward his car to continue the conversation.

Summer Roberts looks concerned about entering a boat with Seth Cohen.

"Cohen are you sure you know how to drive this thing?" She asks as she climbs in.

"Calm down Summer the coast guard is very effective on this stretch of water. If anything happens I promise that we will get rescued" Seth is already in the boat getting started on the preliminary checks. Summer sees Seth with entirely new eyes once they are on the water. He moves confidently completely mastering the little vessel. The sun feels amazing on her skin. Eventually they come to rest not too far outside the marina and she clambers over to Seth's side.

"You are really good at this" She states as she joins him where he is reclining wearing a pair of combat trousers, a t shirt and a pair of aviator sunglasses.

"Thanks, I uh brought some snacks if you're interested" he gestures to the cooler sitting on the far side of the boat.

She shakes her head and strips down to her bikini and begins to put on sun screen. She hands the bottle to Seth gesturing to her back. Seth clears his throat and rubs the lotion on her back stalling for as long as he can before putting the cap back on the bottle and handing it to Summer.

"I'm going to go for a swim. Do you want to.. I mean , can you.. um" She flounders kicking herself for still being so awkward.

"I can swim. Why don't you jump in I'll be with you in bit" Seth replies. Summer nods and jumps in. Seth takes a little while to strip down to his swimming trunk removing his ankle braces and once he does he tries very hard not to think about what his nearly naked body must look like. He knows the muscles in his left side are less well defined which makes him look a little lopsided. He lowers himself into the pulley system his Dad rigged to help him get in and out of the water and lowers himself in. Summer swims up to him.

"About time slow poke!" She exclaims teasingly. Seth is awed by how her brown hair clings to the curves of her face. He would roll his eyes if anyone actually said it but she takes his breath away.

For the first time since they met Summer and Seth finally find their rhythm. It isn't perfect yet, they still stop and start afraid to ask some things, afraid to say some things but they spend the rest of the afternoon talking and teasing and it is a hint of the couple that they could be. Of course they don't realize the significance but the afternoon passes quickly and before Summer knows it she is driving home from the best date (if she is honest the best afternoon) she has ever had.

Seth gets a ride home from Summer and walks through the kitchen to the poolhouse where he can tell Ryan every detail because he wants a witness to what may have been the best afternoon of his life. Instead he finds Sandy and Ryan sitting at the kitchen table. Ryan's head is slumped into his hands and Sandy has a comforting hand placed on his shoulder. Seth has never seen Ryan look this close to tears.

"What's going on guys?" Seth asks nervously. They both look up seemingly surprised to see him in the kitchen which makes Seth even more nervous- only something huge could have made them not hear him as he walked in.

Sandy opens his mouth to answer but Ryan lifts his head and beats him to it.

"My Mum is back." He states simply.


	4. Chapter 4

**AN: Hi Everyone! Just a quick note to thank you all for the reviews and story alerts, you have made my first foray into fanfiction so much fun. I hope you enjoy the next chapter. **

Dawn Atwood smoothed her skirt nervously. She glanced up at the imposing front door of the mansion in front of her and gathered the courage to ring the bell. The house was intimidating but far more terrifying was the thought of facing Ryan again. What could she possibly say to justify what she had done? That she was scared, overwhelmed, furious and exhausted? That Trey and Ryan getting arrested had raised awful memories about their father and that her latest boyfriend had raised his voice and his fists one too many times? That her life seemed like a black hole of disappointment and chaos and the only way out was to run and she didn't want anyone weighing her down, not even her son. All this had been true for Dawn but she also knew it wouldn't make sense to Ryan. She was his Mother and instead of taking care of him she had run away. She had failed him and if she was honest with herself she had started failing him long before she left. A familiar tightness and thirst creeps up her throat like it always does when her thoughts lead her to think about her life. She needs a drink. I'll wait until lunch. I can have one at lunch she steels herself. She has these little negotiations with herself a lot nowadays. She has a lot of little rules that she believes stop her from being an alcoholic. She reaches up and rings the bell but the silent countdown has already began in her head- lunch, lunch, lunch, lunch.

No one in the Cohen house would be willing to admit it but they are all tensed anticipating the door bell. Ryan is as withdrawn and monosyllabic as his first day with the Cohens and it pains Sandy to see how quickly the progress of the past month is being undone. Seth is overcompensating for the silence with a torrent of inane chatter that he cannot seem to stop. Kirsten is furious. Her anger surprises her but she cannot believe that Dawn would have the right to turn up in Ryan's life again after what she did. Kirsten reminded Sandy that it wasn't their job to decide whether or not Ryan's family was good enough for him; she just wishes she could make herself believe that. The door bell rings and Kirsten stands and plasters what she hopes is a convincing smile on her face as Sandy joins her and they answer it. Dawn Atwood has the face of a former prom queen that life has not treated well. Kirsten notes the badly bleached hair and the tremor in her hands and curses herself for being so judgmental. The introductions are made, hands are shaken and soon they are all sitting in the living room drinking lemonade. Ryan feels outside of his body as he observes the scene in front of him. He's thought a lot about what his Mum would say when she came back but he never thought it would be small talk about the traffic.

"I was wondering if you would like to spend the day together Ryan? Like we used to…" She trails uncertainly.

Ryan can't really remember when they used to spend the day together but he can tell his Mum is really trying so he just nods giving a reassuring smile when Seth sends him a concerned look.

"Where have you been Mum?" He asks breaking the silence that had descended as soon as they left the Cohens and for the whole drive to the beach.

"I was in Palo Alto. I got a job as a waitress I'm actually doing pretty good."

"Without me you mean?" Ryan doesn't even try to keep the accusation out of his voice.

"I missed you every day I was gone" It's the closest Dawn can come to apologizing for not being a good enough Mother.

"Did you wonder where I was?" It's the closest Ryan can come to asking if she left because she never loved him.

"I'm glad you were with the Cohens. They seem like good people. Maybe we should move to Newport? Find a house in one of the numbered streets? We've never had people like the Cohen's looking out for us…" She muses.

For all her faults she is his Mother and Ryan is momentarily taking in by her daydream and imagines that it will all be okay but the moment passes and all he can remember is the hurt of walking into an empty house. He changes the topic. As hard as it is to believe Ryan was always the good kid he took it upon himself to entertain her when she was in one of her moods, watch her when she was passed out to make sure she didn't choke and die and act as the mediator during her and Trey's numerous arguments. He takes up the role again seamlessly changing the subject to something lighter. They walk down the pier chatting about nothing. Mostly Ryan lets his Mother tell him about her new life fighting the urge to point out his obvious absence from it.

When his Mother orders a drink at lunch he tries to ignore it reminding himself that she never actually claimed to have stopped just to have "slowed down". When she orders a second drink- a scotch and soda- a cold familiar feeling creeps up on him and he knows in his gut that nothing has changed. By the end of lunch he is dragging his Mother back to the Cohen's. He hopes no one will be home. Seth is in the kitchen making a snack when Ryan comes in with his clearly intoxicated Mother in tow.

"Hey guys!" He greets them as they enter. He can tell Ryan wanted to make a clear run for the guest bedroom by the way he simply nods at his friend acknowledging the greeting but not even slowing down. Dawn has other ideas.

"Hi Seth! What are you doing home? It's a beautiful summer day!" Her speech is slightly slurred but the real give away is the expansive way she addresses Seth. When they met earlier she had trouble making eye contact.

"Hi Mrs. Atwood, I spend most beautiful days indoors playing video games" He shrugs as he wheels over to the door fighting the urge to throw Ryan a sympathetic look. He knows that nothing is as unhelpful as a sympathetic look.

"They set up the guest room just in case. Would you like to relax before dinner Mrs. Atwood?" Seth suggests.

"That would be lovely. I am a little tired from the drive and everything. Please Seth call me Dawn" She adds as she fumbles out of the kitchen toward the guest bedroom leaving an exhausted looking Ryan behind.

Seth watches as Dawn stumbles out of the kitchen, down the hall and opens the guest bedroom door before he turns back to Ryan. Ryan's expression is angry, closed off and weary beyond his 16 years. Seth hasn't really seen this version of Ryan in a while.

"How was lunch?" Seth can give an educated guess as to the answer but he wants to get Ryan talking.

"It was…. My Mum made promises she isn't going to keep and then I had to drag her drunk ass back here" He mumbles resting his head in his hands on the kitchen table. His voice is raw with hurt.

"Does she drink a lot?" Seth asks.

The look Ryan shoots him answers his question.

"Maybe we should just stay in today then…" Seth trails off.

"What do you mean?"

"My parents wanted us to go to this Monte Cristo themed fundraiser thing tonight. Maybe we should give it a miss?"

"Maybe we should but don't tell them about my Mum getting drunk, okay?"

Seth nods, he understands the urge to protect the people you care about even when they don't really deserve it.

"Well if the crap really hits the fan at this thing there will be one major upside..." Seth trails off.

"And what might that be?" Ryan takes the bait.

"Marissa isn't here." Seth smiles and Ryan cannot help but laugh at his friend's twisted idea of a joke.

"But her Mum will be. It doesn't matter anyway. I'll be gone before Marissa gets back from Tijuana." With that he turns and heads toward the pool house.

Seth had tried not to think about Ryan leaving but his words make it a cold reality. The one person who has made Newport bearable is leaving.

"I'm not sure I can go to your fundraiser thing.. I have nothing to wear", Dawn giggles. Sandy and Kirsten don't know her well enough to hear the edge of hysteria in her voice and to see that her hands are trembling as she fidgets nervously.

"Lets go find something in my closet" Kirsten opens her arms gesturing for Dawn to follow. Kirsten reminds her of girls she went to school with; competent, beautiful, poised.. _together. _ Dawn was overwhelmed by motherhood, adulthood… by the sheer incomprehensible task of waking up in the morning. She could imagine a life where she didn't need to drink but she knew she would have to replace her crutch. She leans into Kirsten who leads her upstairs. The fit is just about perfect.

Ryan has never seen his Mother look so beautiful but like most children of alcoholics he is wary, watching for the signs that everything is falling apart again. Her hands are fidgety- she tugs at the hem of her dress and at the pearls that Kirsten loaned her. Her eyes are nervous and seeking approval Ryan knows that look from the nights his Mum would get dolled up and loaded and come home with a new boyfriend. She smiles at him and he pushes down the acid rising in his throat and smiles back. The feeling is so familiar he almost smiles. He has loved his time at the Cohen's but the normalcy of it all felt like a dream. His body is on high alert, every muscle tense; ready to pick up the pieces of his mother's next implosion. This is his life.

Seth walks into the room and his mother looks at him and then looks away unable to make eye contact when Seth smiles at her.

"Wow Mrs. Atwood. You look very nice. You too Mum." Seth nods at the ladies as he delivers his compliments.

"Thanks Seth" Dawn mumbles staring intently at her feet. An awkward silence descends before Sandy claps his hands together and declares that they should get going.

When they arrive at the fundraiser Dawn Atwood gets a clear glimpse of just how tiny Newport is. Seth and Ryan head off to grab some sodas and the Cohen's try hard to include her in the conversation but she has no idea what the words mean or how to respond. She starts to feel itchy; uneasy in her own skin. She is grateful for the feeling because it means it's time for a drink. She heads to the bar and notes that no one is paying. Open bar, she notes, excellent. Ryan is laughing at something Seth just said to him when he spots him Mum approaching the bar. Seth follows his gaze.

"It's our last night in Newport together. The rest of the summer is going to suck but we have tiny crab cakes, a jazz band and a lot of fresh plastic surgery to mock" He gestures at the room of gambling Newport socialites, "Your Mum can take care of herself for one night".

"This is my big send- off, huh?" Ryan asks reaching for a stuffed mushroom off of a passing waiter's platter.

"Well I would have preferred….anything really" Seth replies apologetically.

"No, this is great. We can gamble?" He suggests.

"I don't know how but yeah, let's go do that" Seth agrees.

Ryan pats him on his shoulder and they head off to the craps table.

The boys are having such an amazing time that Ryan forgets to watch. He forgets to count his mothers drinks. He forgets to watch that she isn't getting too loud or stumbling. He forgets to remind her to eat, to get her water and to remind her to sit down. So when he hears her shouting and looks up from the slot machine that he and Seth are playing on to see her arguing with a waiter he isn't surprised he just moves in to try and defuse the situation.

"Let go of me!" Dawn insists shaking off the waiter and stumbling into the bar. The crash startles everyone at the party and the room in dead silent. Ryan is frozen in place. Not because he is embarrassed but because he has picked his Mother off of the floor so many times but doing it one more time terrifies him because maybe he will never get to stop. He pauses only for a second but reaches for her when he sees the security guard approaching. He grabs her arm and starts to pull her to her feet but she is much lighter than usual. He looks up and sees Sandy has grabbed the other arm and is helping him. He gives him a half smile of thanks and together they get Dawn outside. Sandy goes to get the car and he is left sitting with his mother and Kirsten with Seth, who had refused to sit knowing what a hassle it was to get up, propped up against a wall not too far away.

"I really put my foot in it this time Ryan" His Mum grabs at her breathe stale and boozy.

"It's okay Mum" He sighs.

"No I messed it up for you and your beautiful perfect new family. Dawn Atwood stupid bitch, ruining everything" She declares cheerfully.

"You did not ruin everything." Ryan says placatingly.

"I did. I know I did. God knows with a drunk no good Mama and a criminal psychopath junkie Daddy your gene pool did not do you any favours. It'll be a miracle if you amount to anything. You are just bred to screw up," She replies with venom.

"Dawn you know that isn't true," Kirsten says firmly appalled that any mother could speak those words to her son, drunk or not.

"Don't you touch me! You know just because you gave birth to a lemon doesn't mean you get to have my son. He isn't your chance at a normal child. He loves you already do you know that? The whole afternoon it was Sandy this, Kirsten that, Seth this. He always wanted a little brother so badly I guess he'd settle for a g.." Everyone had been frozen held captive by her bitter rant until that moment. Ryan cannot bear the thought of her using that word on Seth.

"Do us all a favour and shut up Mum." He asks quietly.

"Oh that's right- like father, like son. Are you going to smack me around a bit to Ryan? Really be like the old man?" She laughs. She catches Ryan's panicked glance at Kirsten and pounces.

"Oh you're new family doesn't know about your Dad. How he used us all as punching bags? I'm not such a bad parent when you compare me to that bastard. Am I? Am I?" She asks tearfully clawing at Ryan's shirt. Luckily she passes out.

The car ride back to the Cohen's is silent. Ryan helps his Mother into the guest bedroom. His mind is racing and he decides to go out for a walk. Seth is waiting for him at the door of the guest bedroom.

"Where are you going?" He asks when he notes the expression on Ryan's face. He calls it his punching game face.

"For a walk" Ryan responds gruffly.

"I'll come with you" Seth offers quickly slipping on his crutches and getting up ignoring the twinge in his muscles that warned him what he needed was to go to bed. Ryan doesn't respond. Seth follows him swinging both his legs through the crutches and propelling himself forward. Technically he isn't supposed to move like this it puts to much pressure on his arms and shoulders and doesn't let him stretch his leg muscles but he needs to keep up with Ryan and it is faster. They walk down the Cohen's driveway and down to the end of the cul-de-sac. Ryan is breathing heavily, not saying a word but he feels his heart rate still and he can finally see through the fog of rage that minutes earlier had blinded him. He turns to look at his friend struggling to keep up but waiting patiently for him to speak up. He observes the different way he uses his crutches noting how much faster it is.

"Why don't you use them like that all the time?" Ryan asks Seth gesturing at his crutches.

Seth knows that Ryan is trying to deflect so he answers quickly.

"It would kill my shoulders and arms so it's for emergencies only. Is your Mum always like that or was that particularly awful?" Seth asks bluntly.

"It isn't usually that public but yeah, she is frequently some version of that" He replies chuckling dryly.

"What are you going to do? Maybe you could get emancipated and come live with us?" Seth suggests.

"I can't do that. She needs me" He shrugs "It'll be okay. College is only two years away. I can deal until then. You just want me to stay because you need my help with Summer.." He jokes.

"That's true" Seth admits shooting Ryan a smile, "I'll miss you".

"It'll be fine" Ryan says not entirely sure if he is convincing himself or Seth. They turn and head back to the house.

Seth isn't so sure.

Dawn Atwood wakes up a few hours later. Her mouth is dry and coated with a chemical tasting film. Her eyes feel like they have been rinsed out with sand and her stomach heaves uncomfortably. She rushes to the toilet and retches; feeling the temporary release as her stomach empties itself. She leans her head against the cool familiar rim of the toilet seat and silently calculates all the embarrassing things that she did that night. She should have drunk until she couldn't remember she thinks smiling wryly. Suddenly she knows what she has to do. She has been self destructing ever since she left Ryan in Chino. She knows that a huge part of the reason she wants him back is so that he can save her, ground her in her life. She also knows that this is too big a burden for her little boy to carry. She picks herself up and heads back to the guest bedroom. She can't resist stealing a few of Kirsten's amazingly soft towels as she packs her things into her ragged duffel bag. She knows it is cowardly to run away but she can't say goodbye to her baby again. She can't face him after she said those terrible things. She'll just leave; it'll be easier for everyone. She doesn't bother showering but she reverently places the cocktail dress Kirsten loaned her on the bed. It is one of the most beautiful things she has ever worn; it has no place in her life. Maybe one day she would be the type of woman who deserved a dress like it.

The sun is barely up as she creeps outside so she is startled when she hears her name. She turns to see Kirsten having breakfast on the patio clearly getting a head start on her work for the day. Dawn sighs and goes to talk to her.

"Where are you going?" Kirsten tries, and fails to keep the judgment out of her voice.

"I can't do this. You are much better at this than I ever was. Please take care of my boy." She turns to leave.

"You're his mother", Kirsten says it quietly but her tone is both incredulous and pleading.

"No. I'm not". Dawn will re-visit this statement many times in the years to come; was she really being selfish looking for a way out that would allow her to commit herself to drinking full time or did she really believe that the Cohen's were the best option for Ryan? On her good days she thinks it was the former but even on her best days the boundaries that delineate her motives are blurry. She did it for all those reasons and as much as she may regret all the choices that lead her to the Cohen's doorstep she could never bring herself to regret making the decision that gave Ryan a chance at life.

She thinks she has made a clean break when Ryan emerges from the pool house rubbing the sleep out of his eyes. There are no words so she doesn't try to find them. She simply waves goodbye and walks away.


	5. Chapter 5

**AN: Thank you cc() for your review of the last chapter. I think that Seth's self indulgence would be kind of tempered by having to deal with his disability but he would still be the Cohen we all know and love. I am so glad you think I've found a balance. If there is anyone out there still reading- I would love to hear from you. I hope you enjoy this chapter.**

Marissa Cooper's life was falling apart. Tijuana had been an unmitigated disaster. It had started with Luke weaseling his way back into her heart. He had known her a long time which just meant that he knew all the buttons to push. She had reasoned that with his Mum back into the picture Ryan would most likely be gone by the time she got back and they weren't dating so she wasn't doing anything wrong. Her Dad had called her while they were on the road and told her that he was moving out. She had known that her parents were having problems; her Mum was even more passive aggressive than usual and her Dad had been spending less and less time at the office but she had assumed he had been fired and not that their marriage was falling apart. Marissa still had a giant blind spot when it came to her parents; she couldn't see that a huge part of the reason that Julie Cooper loved Jimmy Cooper was the stability he offered. He had given her the life she had always wanted and she had worked too hard to escape Riverside to be dragged back down by her marriage.

Marissa's life had been, ostensibly, perfect up until that moment. She knew that she should be shocked but a deeper part of her had spent her whole life walking a tight rope trying to control and mitigate the disaster she felt sure in her bones was going to befall her and everyone she loved. She controlled it by being perfect. She was nice, popular, beautiful and got good grades at school without ever being singled out as "smart". She was involved, peppy and she shoved down the gnawing feeling that her whole life was a fragile house of cards. Her whole identity was centred on keeping everything together and now that the house of cards was falling down she was sure she was going down with it. She clung to Luke like he was her life raft; getting wasted and on Saturday she finally had sex with him in the grotty motel room they were staying in. She kept staring at the water stain above the bed that looked a bit like a donkey. She reminded herself that she loved Luke and made all the sounds that she knew from books and movies that she was supposed to make. She thought she was ready but she also thought that sleeping with Luke would confirm their love and make her feel certain and grounded. Instead she felt naked. She walked around while Summer filled her Step mom's prescriptions feeling like un-insulated electrical wire; frayed, buzzing and dangerous. She had finally talked to Summer about it and Summer had insisted that her feelings were totally normal.

"Do it again Coop!" She urged giggling. So they had a few shots in the room before heading out and Marissa steeled herself ready to do it again.

They walked into the club and Marissa felt happy and confident. She was feeling the way Tijuana was always supposed to feel. When she spotted Luke and Holly, one of her best friends, her stomach sank. At first she thought the strobe lights were playing tricks on her but then Summer reacted stepping forward and slapping Luke and causing a scene. She caught snatches of Summer's insults as she ran out of the club. It was all too much. Marissa survived by keeping her emotions compartmentalized and never allowing herself to feel too much at any given time. It all rushed at her at once, Luke cheating, Holly's betrayal, Ryan leaving, Her Dad leaving. She spotted the pills Summer had spent the afternoon buying and decided to make it stop. She took half the bottle and washed it down with the bottle of tequila they had left in the room. They took effect almost immediately. She felt both weightless and giddy but as she felt herself lose consciousness she began to panic. She dragged herself to the bathroom and stuck her toothbrush down her throat setting off a gagging fit that she did not think would ever end. She passed out on the bathroom floor. That was where Summer found her and assuming her friend had just had too much to drink cleaned her up and put her in bed. It wasn't until the nest morning that Summer found the half empty bottle of sleeping pills and roughly shook Marissa awake to ask her about it.

"What did you do Coop?" She demands waving the bottle at her sleeping friend.

"Nothing. I chickened out." Marissa replies rolling over to continue sleeping.

Summer begins to see red so she takes a step back and counts to ten taking long calming breaths in between counting just like her therapist advised her to do if she felt a rage black out coming on. It might make her feel good but she isn't sure beating the crap out of Marissa will help her friend get better.

Instead she waits for Marissa to sleep it off for a while before dragging her out to get some food. While they are sitting in a nearly empty Cantina Marissa opens up telling her best friend everything.

"Oh Coop. I am so sorry. I know everything sucks right now but checking out is not the answer. What would I do without you?"

"I'm sorry" Marissa says her eyes full of tears.

"Don't be sorry just don't ever do it again. Besides, you cannot kill yourself over Luke Ward. That guy shaves his chest." She jokes weakly.

The girls finish their lunch and Marissa knows that Summer will keep her secret. They head back to Newport and she breaks up with Luke and goes to visit her Dad at his condo and she pretends she isn't falling apart. She is taking inventory of the debutante dresses at the country club, one of her many duties as lead deb when she spots Ryan, Seth and Kirsten entering. She rushes over to say hi.

"Hi guys! Ryan you're still here!" She exclaims excitedly.

"Ryan is living with us now, permanently. He'll be starting as Harbour next semester. He just got in" Kirsten exclaims proudly.

"Awesome. Congratulations!"

"Thanks. How was Tijuana?" Ryan finally speaks up.

"Let's just say I'm glad to be back" She replies wryly.

She leads them to their tuxes and the dance rehearsal begins. She introduces Seth to his debutante a transfer from Pittsburgh named Anna Stein. Seth seems surprised to have a debutante but he shakes her hand gamely leaving Ryan and Marissa standing awkwardly until the dance instructor enters and Marissa gestures that he should open his arms.

"Oh. Um. When I didn't hear back from you after Tijuana I assumed that you had found another partner?"

"No. I didn't call because my Dad moved out and everything is a mess. I've actually really been looking forward to this." She admits. Her cheeks flush prettily and Ryan is fairly certain she is the most gorgeous thing he has ever seen.

"I think I should admit now that I have never danced before." He shrugs.

"I'll show you how." She reassures him.

Anna and Seth are sitting in the corner of the room staring at all the dancing couples in front of them.

"I am so glad I don't have to dance" Anna blurts out at the same time as Seth apologizes that she isn't able to dance because of him.

"Are you kidding? My parents are forcing me to do this. We agreed to the bare minimum; wear the dress and turn up everything else I am contesting with every fibre of my being. You are, no offence, the perfect reason to half- ass it. They'll hate it but if they say anything then they are automatically terrible people" She declares jutting out her chin in mock defiance.

"Well then I'm glad I could help. I'm not exactly thrilled to be here. When did you move from Pittsburgh?" Seth asks still chuckling from her earlier comments.

This triggers an animated conversation in which Anna and Seth discover that they have a lot in common. Seth realizes it's a lot easier to be stuck on the sidelines if you have company. Especially if the company is cute blondes who like to sail, death cab for cutie and graphic novels.

Summer knows she shouldn't be jealous but as she watches their exchange she can't help but wish she was brave enough to have Seth escort her. Maybe then she would be the girl he was laughing with instead of being grasped by a sweaty palmed random whose Dad was friends with her Dad. She shouldn't be jealous but she doesn't like the way that bleach blonde pixie is eyeing her… she stops herself from thinking boyfriend. That hussy is clearly interested in her Cohen. When the instructor takes a break she marches over to them and clears her throat to get their attention.

"Hi Summer! This is Anna Stein from Pittsburgh. Anna this is Summer Roberts." Seth introduces them politely.

"Pittsburgh? Eew. Cohen, can I talk to you for a second?" She asks signaling for him to follow her.

Seth excuses himself as he snaps up the brakes on his wheelchair and follows Summer.

"What's up?" He asks as he approaches her.

"You tell me. What's going on with you and Edie Sedgwick over there?"

"You know who Edie Sedgwick is?" Seth asks incredulously.

"I saw the movie with Sienna Miller. Are you flirting with her?"

"No. Are you jealous?"

"Of you with her?" She scoffs.

"Yeah of me with her. Because you like me Summer Roberts." He teases her.

"Cohen" She laughs really happy to be in his company again.

Seth frowns and shifts uncomfortably in his chair.

"Are you okay, Cohen?" She asks her brown eyes full of concern.

"I'm okay. It's just not a great day pain wise" He answers honestly gauging her reaction.

Summer is freaked out for two reasons; one, she had never realized that Seth was in pain and two; She has never actually heard him speak a sentence not tinged with irony or sarcasm or awkward obtuseness.

Anna comes up and interrupts their conversation to say goodbye to Seth. They exchange numbers which makes Summer raise an eyebrow and they make plans to hang out at the dance lesson the following day. Seth turns back to her and she motions to him to follow her outside. She leads him to a quiet corner near the parking lot and sits on a bench. Seth turns to face her and locks his brakes looking at her questioningly.

"I want to talk," Summer declares "That day on the pier you said I could ask you anything and you wouldn't mind. Is that still true?"

"Yes", Seth answers simply knowing it couldn't have been easy for her to broach the subject "You can ask me anything".

A silence falls and Seth fights every instinct to fill it knowing that as awkward as it may be he has to have this conversation with Summer and he needs to give her time to ask the questions she needs to.

"What's wrong with you?" She blurts out.

Seth bites back a laugh "I am obsessed with Magic the gathering, video games, pop culture and comic books. My hair is very temperamental and I mumble" He answers easily.

Summer rolls her eyes at him punching his arm lightly.

"Cohen this only works if you take this seriously and answer honestly" She urges.

"It's called cerebral palsy. I was born with it. It isn't contagious or progressive, which means it won't get any worse but there isn't any cure so I probably won't get any better. It's kind of complicated but basically it's a type of brain damage that affects the receptors in my muscles making them stiff and kind of hard to move. I have spastic quadriplegia which means that four limbs are affected but my left side is worse than my right. Most people with spastic quadriplegia have to use power chairs so I'm pretty lucky with the crutches." He answers taking care to look her in the eye as he does. He doesn't like people to think he is ashamed of his disability so he tries to discuss it matter of factly even if it is a bit uncomfortable in front of a girl he likes.

"I thought people with Cerebral palsy were like retarded?" She asks.

"Retard isn't the most PC term but I'm not mentally disabled it's a neuro muscular thing. Some people with CP have trouble with their speech- because your mouth is a muscle- but I had a lot of speech therapy as a kid so it's not too bad." He answers.

"At the party your words were kind of slurred but you said you didn't drink.." She trails off.

"Everything is kind of worse when I'm tired and I get tired out easily when I'm nervous. It's not the easiest thing to step up and speak to the Summer Roberts" He jokes easily.

"You said you were in pain. Where? How bad is it?" She asks.

This is the question Seth had been dreading. Most of the facts about his disability were self evident but the pain management isn't something a lot of people know about. He wants to be honest with Summer but he doesn't want to freak her out. He decides not to tell her that the muscles in his whole body can get so tight and sore that he can't sleep at night.

"Have you ever had like a cramp? Like in your leg or something?" He asks.

She nods.

"It kind of feels like that everywhere. Some days it's just stiff but sometimes it hurts. I have medication though so it's not like I am constantly suffering" He reassures her.

The fact is that is Seth took all the pain medication he was supposed to he would spend half of his days totally out of it. Most of the times he just kind of dealt with it. He was careful not to over do it but to still get some exercise, careful with his diet and to get enough rest but honestly some days just sucked. No matter what he did there would always be bad days.

"Is that why you use the chair" Summer asks.

"Sometimes but I mostly use it when I need to get around quickly or when I know the ground will be uneven where I'm going- I have balance issues- or if there won't be anywhere for me to take a break" He answers.

"I'm not really comfortable with all this yet. How can you stand all the stares and the pity? Do you mind that I'm not comfortable?"

"I guess it depends. Could you see yourself getting there? I can be patient but I can't spend forever tiptoe-ing around my disability. I mean, I've been like this my whole life and it's not going to change. The stares are sometimes just curiosity- which I don't mind most of the time. The pity is awful but hardest part is accepting my limitations. This is normal for me so it's weird to have to accept the things I can't do. Luckily the list isn't that long. The list of stuff I can't do but want to do is even shorter" He smiles.

"Something tells me you wouldn't be on the water polo team of you didn't have Cerebral Palsy" Summer jokes gently.

Seth lets out a real belly laugh.

"Exactly, I'd still be a giant dork just without the chair" He answers still laughing.

"I like the dork and the chair" Summer responds sweetly climbing into his lap and leaning in for a kiss. They make out like this for ten minutes before the spasms in Seth's legs get so bad Summer has to move.

"Was I hurting you?" She asks.

"Not really. I could feel your weight and it wasn't a great day to begin with but I liked it" He answers rooting in his back pack for something.

"Have you told them you liked it?" She points to his spasming legs. The left one drops out of the foot rest as if on cue.

Seth smiles and pulls out two pills and dry swallows them.

"What are those Cohen?" She asks.

"A muscle relaxant for the spasms" He doesn't tell her about the pain pill.

"What are the things you want to do but can't?" She asks. Summer figures she has to get all her questions out there.

Seth swallows contemplating how truthfully to answer. "When I was a kid all I wanted to do was ride a bike but my crap balance meant I couldn't. I really wish I could skateboard or maybe surf" He answers matter of factly.

"Do you want to come over to my house? We could hang out." She suggests.

Seth is not sure how he convinced his Mother, already irritated at having waited for him for half an hour, to let him "hang out" at Summer Roberts' house but she had given Ryan permission to go hang out at Marissa's house so she had to let him. He felt nervous as he sat in Summer's car and she put his wheelchair away in the trunk. Without his crutches or leg braces he was pretty much at her mercy. The thought made him less nervous. The thought of being at Summer's mercy was actually pretty hot he smiled. They chatted easily as they made their way to her house. He made fun of her music and when she allowed him to plug in his Ipod she made fun of his music. They pulled up to her house and as they entered he noted disappointedly that the bedrooms were upstairs which meant he would not be seeing her bedroom. She led him into the living room. She blushed, mortified when she realized there was a step leading into the sunken room. Seth didn't even blink popping a wheelie over it easily and heading toward the couch before transferring on to the couch. Summer stood admiring how well he handled himself and then joined him. They chatted while music videos played in the background. He reached out and held her hand engulfing her tiny hand in his and all Summer felt was happy. It was the perfect fit. And when they started making out on the couch Seth was too busy enjoying the feel of her skin on his torso to feel awkward or sorry for himself. Their awkward honest conversation had definitely been worth it.

Ryan was sitting in Marissa Cooper's bedroom. Perched awkwardly on her bed he strared at the pastel perfection of her room and once again wondered how she could possibly be interested in a kid from Chino. They had talked easily about their childhoods and about school but Marissa had eventually broken down and told him everything. About Luke, Tijuana, her Parents, the pills- about everything. Ryan's first instinct had been to head out and find all the things that had hurt her and hurt them but he had reminded Seth's warning that he couldn't punch away other people's problems. So he sat and listened to her and then he held her as she cried. It was a level of intimacy that neither of them had ever encountered. Ryan was used to cleaning up his Mum's vomit not her tears and Marissa had worked her whole life to never seem anything other than perfectly put together. Yet here they were; Marissa needed to fall apart and Ryan simply let her standing by her while she did letting her know that he would be there when she was ready to pick up the pieces. It made the goodbyes a little awkward. They hugged at the door and Ryan headed back to the Cohen's just in time to see his friend wheeling into the house and Summer pulling out of the driveway. He returned Summer's wave and rushed into the house curious to hear about Seth's day. He follows Seth into his bedroom knocking on the door.

"Hey Man it's me" He calls.

"Come in." Seth replies.

"So this is where the magic happens?" Ryan asks as he enters his room. Seth and Ryan usually hang out in the pool house. He sits in the armchair.

"What did you and Summer do?" Ryan asks.

"Went to her house to hang out after practice," Seth answers.

"What about Anna? You guys seemed to hit it off" Ryan asks.

"Anna's really cool. It looks like I may have to find a way to work friends into my loner existence this school year" Seth shrugs.

Ryan shrugs deciding not to point out the obvious problems in having a new girlfriend and a new girl friend.

"How was Marissa? You guys looked like you were having fun on the dance floor" Seth notes.

"She was okay. She mostly talked about Mexico." He answers obtusely.

"I saw on facebook that Luke was all over Holly right in front of Marissa so she is probably not getting back together with him" Seth says.

"Yeah but I don't think that means she is ready for a boyfriend. She needs a friend. You are facebook friends with these people?" Ryan asks, "I thought you didn't have friends?"

"There's a page where people post rumours about Harbour. I like to be in the know." Seth answers shrugging defensively.

"Maybe you and Marissa should be friends. She was with Luke since like 5th grade and even though he is a complete asshat it can't be easy and with the new school, moving to Newport and the whole thing with your Mum last week. Maybe a friend is just what you need." Seth suggests.

"Yeah but I don't want to be just her friend. Besides, I have you" Ryan says.

"It might not be the worst idea for you to take it slow though. Get to know each other. It's kind of like friendship but it is moving on to bigger and better things.." He trails off.

"The practice thing wasn't too bad today. Might not be awful" Ryan muses.

"Maybe but Newport has this way of lulling you into a false sense of security right before the shit hits the fan and some jocks pee in your locker" He observes wryly.

Seth is right. That night Summer gets a call from one of her friends who mocks Anna Stern for having Seth Cohen as her cotillion escort. Summer had resolved after her talk with Cohen to be more open, honest and courageous about how she felt about him but this was a stark reminder of what would happen once the break was over and school started again. Who was she kidding? Seth Cohen and Summer Roberts were not a couple built to last. Even as she thought this her heart contracted. If she was honest she was falling in love with Seth. If she was really honest she was already in love with Seth Cohen. Surrendering to her feelings would mean sacrificing everything she knew, her friends and her status at school. Was she brave enough to do that?


	6. Chapter 6

**AN: I am so sorry this took so long. I am still not sure whether to throw in the Anna/Summer/Seth love triangle. What do you think?**

**Disclaimer- Do I really need to say that I do not own the O.C?**

Summer Roberts woke up with a sense of purpose. She had spent a huge portion of the night tossing and turning trying to figure out what to do. She only knew two things for certain; she wanted to be with Seth and she did not want to become a loser. So she had to make Seth cool somehow. Cool might be a bit of a stretch, she admitted, what she needed was to make Seth less glaringly un-cool. Luckily, because of her vast expertise in celebrity tabloids she knew exactly what to do.

Never apologize. Summer was going to debut them as a couple at Cotillion. No preamble, no explanation and no apologies. The shock and awe approach would make them the story of the week but they would control the headline. No such thing as bad publicity.

Makeover. Tame the hair, get rid of the emo clothes and convince him to use his wheelchair more often. There was a diamond trapped in the mumbly, palsied, skinny rough.

Change the headline- Cotillion was the perfect venue to remind people that Seth Cohen was Caleb Nicholls' grandson. It was about time Seth started acting like it and took his rightful place at Summer's side dead centre in the "in" crowd.

Summer clapped her hands together triumphantly after putting the last full stop on her pink writing pad. She could totally do this, she thought as she fished her phone out of her pocket but she was going to need some help. She pressed the phone to her ear sighing with frustration when her call went to voice mail.

"Hey Coop! It's Summer. I have just come up with the best plan ever. I am going to save Seth Cohen from himself but I am going to need your help." She trills excitedly before she grabs her purse and car keys to get a head start on phase two. She was going to need to go to the mall.

* * *

"Seth", Kirsten murmured with concern while approaching her son's bed "Time to get up, sweetie".

Seth responds by mumbling and rolling over, burrowing his head deeper in the pillow.

"Seth, are you feeling okay?" Kirsten asks. She had noticed that Seth was uncomfortable the night before but she had reminded herself that she was supposed to be giving him space. Clearly her son has suffered as a result. "Did you get any sleep at all?" She asks as she perches herself on her son's bed.

"I was about to" is his muffled sarcastic reply.

"Seth Cohen. I want you to come down for breakfast. Five minutes." She announces before standing sharply and heading out of his bedroom.

Seth groans and pushes himself up. His movements are more clumsy and laboured than usual. His left leg barely cooperates and his left arm and hand is tensed and barely moving. He sighs, not bothering to get his robe he simply transfers clumsily into his wheelchair and heads slowly into the living room. Ever since he was a child he has only been allowed to skip breakfast and sleep in twice- both times when he returned home after major surgery. His Mother had made it clear to him that pain and pain management were just a part of his life and self pity had definitely not been tolerated by Kirsten Cohen.

"Good morning son" Sandy greets his Son as he wheels into the kitchen "You look terrible."

"Thanks Dad. Your eyebrows look majestic," He replies nodding his thanks when his Father brings him some coffee. Seth looks wearily at his Mother whose lips are drawn into a thin line, a sign that she has a lot to say.

Ryan pops his head into the kitchen just returning from his morning jog. Sensing the tension he hesitates at the door.

"Am I interrupting anything? I can come back later..." He trails off uncertainly.

Kirsten turns and smiles warmly at Ryan.

"No, of course not Ryan. We were just about to have a family meeting. You should be a part of this too." She gestures for him to enter. Kirsten knows that it is important that Ryan understands this side of his friend's disability because if she knows her son he has been down playing it.

Ryan quirks his eyebrow quizzically but all he gets is a shrug in response from Seth and a mug of coffee from Sandy. He takes the chair next to Seth.

"Seth your father is right. You do look terrible. You look terrible because you haven't been sleeping and you have been in pain" Kirsten states "Am I right?" She insists.

Seth just stares at his coffee mug glumly.

"Son, you said you were going to be more honest about your pain. The tightness is back as well" He gestures to the left hand that lies in his lap while Seth fiddles with his coffee mug with his right hand.

"It's only been a few weeks since your last round of treatments. This is ridiculous. We're going to make an appointment with Dr. Katz about the balcofen pump" Kirsten says decisively.

"Can I speak?" Seth asks. Both his parents nod.

"The pump is surgery which would mean I would miss the last chunk of a summer that I am actually enjoying. The botox and oral meds are working, the dosing is just a little off. I said I would be more honest when things got to where I couldn't manage them anymore. I can handle this." Seth insists.

"Can you pick up the coffee mug with your left hand?" Sandy asks wearily trying to prove his point.

Seth reaches for the coffee mug slowly, his left hand thrown into spasms by the effort. He picks up the mug and with his right hand guides it carefully to his mouth and smiles triumphantly at his parents as he takes a giant swig of coffee.

"It's hot!" He splutters.

"I'm still making the appointment Seth. We all need more information to make a good decision." She states.

"Whatever. I just need to know that you guys are listening to me. I do not want to lose this summer." Seth speaks slowly stressing every word before unlocking the breaks on his wheelchair and rolling into his bedroom. Ryan stands and follows his friend. He knocks gently on the door suddenly unsure about what made him follow Seth.

Ryan enters the room to find Seth struggling into a t-shirt. His left arm is jerking sporadically which Ryan had never seen it do before.

"Do you need a hand?" Ryan asks hanging awkwardly by the door watching his friend.

"I need two hands and two legs that actually work" Seth jokes wearily before answering "Thanks Ryan but I've got this". It only takes him another minute to get the t-shirt on.

"So your parents seem pretty worried about you.." Ryan says attempting to prompt his friend into conversation.

"I guess" Seth mutters noncommittally while picking up his pajama shirt.

"What's going on?" Ryan asks.

"It's just boring CP stuff. The botox I've been getting to control my spasticity is wearing off pretty fast and the oral meds I take to relax my muscles are hard to get right.. My Mum wants me to get this surgery where they put this pump in you that like delivers the meds directly." He answers.

"So you don't want to get the surgery because of Summer?" He asks.

"It's more than that. I really don't want to talk about it though. I know we were going to the pier today but I am really more in the mood for finally getting you to see Sin City and Watchmen so we can properly solidify this friendship. Back to back viewings. What do you say?" Seth asks.

"Um..Marissa was going to meet us at the pier so we could help her with Cotillion stuff…" He trails off uncertainly.

"Oh. Then you should go hang with Marissa. I'll just stay here and chill. I should probably do a dry run to re-familiarize with the movies. I want to make sure you get all the important details" Seth says.

Ryan realizes from the way his friend is slumped in his chair and the dark circles around his eyes that he is not having a good day. He needs to hang out with Seth.

"Haven't you seen them like 9 times already?" He asks smirking.

"I heard it really opens up on the 10th viewing" Seth delivers the line with his trademark deadpan but he is speaking carefully and slower than usual, his weariness evident even in his joke.

"Nah... You're right man. I'm not really in the mood to go out either. I'll just call Marissa and tell her. You set up the movies and I'll be right there. You need anything from the Kitchen?" Ryan asks as he jogs to get his phone.

"A glass of water would be great. Thanks Ryan." Seth watches his friend move easily to leave the room and has to fight the surge of envy that leaves the taste of bile in his throat. He swallows hard and picks up the DVDs with his right hand and places them in his lap. He does what he always does on a bad day. He reminds himself that it is just one day (The sun will come up- orphan Annie approach) and then he smiles knowing that sooner or later he'll mean it (the fake it until you make it approach).

When Ryan comes back into the living room Seth is spread out on the couch clearly fighting frustration as he attempts to work the remote. He wearily hands Ryan the remote and takes a bottle of pills out of his pocket. Ryan watches him struggle with the lip for a few seconds before reaching out for the bottle.

"Do you need some help?" He offers quietly.

For a second Seth looks like he may hurl the bottle at Ryan's head. Ryan watches Seth school his frustration and anger into a tight smile before handing Ryan the bottle and muttering his thanks.

"You could have just hurled it at my head if you wanted to" Ryan observes handing him the open bottle.

Seth smiles wearily "No, I couldn't have".

"What are they?" Ryan asks nodding at the pills.

"Muscle relaxants and pain meds. They make me kind of sleepy so you may have to negotiate the first one on your own."

"I'll manage. It's okay to be pissed off, you know?" Ryan says trying to tell his friend that he doesn't need to pretend with him.

"I know. It doesn't change anything though." He answers settling back on to the pillows.

* * *

Ryan nods and hits the play button on the remote.

Half an hour later Seth is struggling to keep his eyes open. The medication has stopped the spasms but it has also made it hard for him to move, or focus or want to move or focus. He is just about to fall asleep when the doorbell rings. Ryan looks at him quizzically and he just shrugs in response before Ryan goes to answer it. Ryan takes a while at the door and when he returns he looks sheepish mouthing sorry at Seth who continues to stare up at him not sure what is going on but recognition dawns as Summer leaps on to the couch to greet him.

"Hey Seth! Ryan said you weren't feeling well so I figured you could use some cheering up" She kisses him on the cheek and it makes a loud smacking sound. Ryan is watching Seth carefully knowing that the last person he would want around him on a bad day is Marissa. Marissa trails behind them entering the living room last, she had wanted to go home when she heard that Seth wasn't feeling well. She wasn't sure she could deal with it. She plasters on a fake smile and greets Seth cheerfully. Seth looks overwhelmed but he looks like he might blow up when Summer starts to tell him about how they spent the day.

"So I was thinking that if you are going to be my escort for Cotillion you are going to need some new clothes. Couples usually change their individual style to find a more streamlined look. It sends a unified message. Like Bennifer. Also I have a few other ideas I'd like us to discuss. Can we go to your room?" She asks.

Seth nods robotically managing a graceful transfer considering how medicated he is. Summer casually plonks the shopping bags into his lap and they head off to his bedroom. Ryan and Marissa were left behind in the living room.

"Hey. Sorry I cancelled today. I kinda wanted to make sure Seth was okay." Ryan apologises gesturing that Marissa should have a seat on the couch.

"No. I get it. Summer wanted to hang out anyway. I just needed to get out of the house. My Mum is freaked. My Dad has moved out but he is freaked as well. Kaitlin is freaked and China has alopecia" Marissa rants.

"Uh..China?" Ryan asks.

"Kaitlin's pony's hair is falling off" She explains with a sigh.

Ryan can't help himself. He tries to control his mirth but he eventually just bursts out laughing. Marissa looks shocked for a second but then she joins in realizing how ridiculous she sounds. When the laughter dies down she kisses Ryan gently and snuggles in next to him to watch the movie. This is exactly what she needed today.

* * *

Summer sighs impatiently as she waits for Seth to finish trying on the first of many possible new looks. He had needed to be bullied into doing it but she didn't mind. Change was scary and everyone needed a little encouragement. After what seems like an eternity Seth rolls out of his bathroom wearing the collared polo shirt and jeans she had picked out. His expression is guarded but he is definitely not happy.

"You don't like it Cohen? I think you look hot." She encourages him.

"What is this about Summer?" He asks wearily tugging at the shirt awkwardly.

"What?" She asks, already defensive.

"Why the sudden need to make me over Summer?" Seth asks gently.

There is an awkward pause during which Summer finally looks at Seth's face and notices the hard line his mouth is drawn into and the dark bruises under his eyes. She quickly looks away because she cannot bear to see him like this.

"I told you a streamlined unified message. I actually made you a copy of the article in US weekly." She rummages in her bag and pulls out a rumpled magazine. Seth looks at it blankly for a second before looking back up at Seth for clarification.

"Well, wouldn't a streamlined message involve you becoming a bit geeky? We could meet in the middle?" He jokes.

"No Seth." She replies emphatically.

Seth pauses closing his eyes and trying to muster up calm that he did not feel.

"Summer, this isn't going to work" He begins his tone low and serious.

"You don't have to sound so serious Seth, it's just a shirt" She tries to brush him off with her breezy tone.

"I meant us. This isn't going to work if I have to change to be with you. I would do anything to be with you Summer Roberts but this is me; the comic books, the weird clothes, jewfro and the glaringly obvious not going anywhere disability. Look at me Summer" He insists quietly his voice firm.

"This isn't about your cerebral palsy" She insists falteringly still avoiding his eyes.

"Isn't it? It's the one thing that will never change. I am okay with that Summer but this isn't going to work if you aren't" He stares at her and his eyes hold in them a challenge that Summer isn't sure how to respond to.

"I'm scared Seth. I really like you and that I like Seth Cohen is, like, unfathomable. Everyone will be watching us. Waiting for me to screw it up so they can laugh and what makes it worse is that I care about you so I'll be all sad and mopey and emo and they will laugh and laugh and before you know it I'm addicted to pills like my stepmonster zonked out on the couch listening to Joni Mitchell songs on loop" She says all in one breath.

"That is scary" Seth agrees.

"Can you promise none of that will happen?" She asks softly finally meeting his gaze. She looks so vulnerable that Seth immediately takes her hand in his. For the first time Summer doesn't notice his strange grip, she is just happy to be holding his hand.

"I can't and that Joni Mitchell thing was way too specific to be improvised, you have clearly given it a lot of thought" He teases.

"Cohen!" She urges him to be serious punching his shoulder lightly.

"I do not know what is going to happen but I have been watching you ever since that day you read your poem out loud in the second grade and you shared your lunch with the little squirrel.."  
"All the big squirrels stole his food. I hated those mean squirrels" She exclaims.

"Right. The Summer I knew didn't take any nonsense from anyone. She wrote her own rules. I don't know what is going to happen but I know we have to give us a chance. I'm asking you to take a chance. Take a chance on me. The Abba reference was unavoidable but still unfortunate." He jokes pulling Summer into his lap. The kiss they share is long and lingering and Seth is so caught up in the moment he almost it almost doesn't register when Summer whispers into his neck.

"I am falling for you Cohen. Be careful with me."

In the moment he cannot imagine ever doing anything to hurt the precious person in his arms.

* * *

Ryan gets restless halfway through the second movie and decides to check on Seth. He approaches the door and knocks on it tentatively.

"Just a second" comes Seth's voice. He sounds slightly out of breath.

"Your missing the movie" Ryan replies.

"It's okay. I've seen it." His reply is tinged with impatience. Ryan smiles knowingly and goes back to Marissa.

The girls leave at 6pm when Ryan and Seth have to admit that given Kirsten's mood in the morning she probably wouldn't be thrilled to have dinner guests.

"She hates it when anyone cuts into her precious berating me time" Seth explains as he kisses Summer goodnight.

"What was with the bags of clothes?" Ryan asks as they head to the pool house.

"Summer was trying to find clothes to make me less… crippled? I don't know. It was weird but we talked about it and we are okay now, I think. You and Marissa?"

"It's good. Her family stuff is still kind of bogging her down but she seems… better. Stronger? I don't know, her Tijuana story freaked me out. I feel like I have to watch her all the time. It was like that with my Mum." He admits.

Seth is floored by Ryan confiding in him.

"Well, a lot of kids have divorced parents and their families work just fine. Kind of disfunctionally functional. Maybe she just needed to freak out to deal. It's probably all out of her system" Seth rationalizes.

"Yeah, maybe," Ryan replies unconvinced. If he is honest there is something so familiar about being with Marissa. He is happy when he is with her and he thinks that she is beautiful in a heady way that is so new but he also feels like he used to when his mother would have a good day. He knows that after the heady heights come the crashing lows and no matter how high you get and how invincible you feel in the passenger side as you approach the top- there is always a drop. The knot growing in his stomach is a gnawing reminder of that.


	7. Chapter 7

Cotillion night is fast approaching. Marissa is relieved because she has been so busy as lead deb that she has not had any time to focus on the new school year.

"So Coop. Do you think the pixie will let go of Cohen as a partner? You have another white knight right?" Summer asks nervously picking at the hem of her skirt as they approach the rehearsal space.

"Er actually I don't. I offered Seth to you a while ago. Why the change of heart?" Marissa asks absentmindedly.

"He seemed really hurt by the whole attempted make over thing. I just want him to know that I'm not a flake. That I'm proud of him or something" Summer mumbles staring intently at her nails.

"So are you guys an official item now?" Marissa asks.

"No. I think I made it all weird and complicated and I want him to know that it can be simple and uncomplicated and he could just ask me out and we could go out or like, hold hands in the hall at school and he could be my boyfriend" Summer rambles.

Marissa takes a moment to process what her friend has just said.

"You want Seth to be your escort so he knows that you are not ashamed to be his girlfriend?" Marissa clarifies.

Summer nods nervously.

"How exactly would you guys hold hands while walking down the halls?" Marissa asks curiously.

Summer pauses to consider it for a moment "I don't know".

Summer has been pacing the halls nervously waiting for Seth to arrive. She sent her partner away with an imperious wave of her hand claiming to be too bloated and crampy to practice the waltz. Finally she spots Chino approaching the door and rushes to meet him.

"Where's Seth? He said he'd be in today. He's already missed a ton of practice" She demands foregoing all traditional greetings.

"He wasn't feeling any better today. He's back at the house. I just came because Marissa really needed me for today's run through" Ryan answers. The way his eyes crinkle it is clear that he is worried for his friend.

"Tell Coop I'm leaving" Summer shouts as she rushes to the car. She barely registers starting the car and when she looks up she is at Seth's front door. She considers knocking but decides to enter when she finds the door open. She waves quickly at Rosa the maid and finds the living room empty. She barges into Seth's room. The sound of the door wakes him up and he raises his head, startled.

"Summer! What are you doing here?" Seth asks his hair is a riot of curls sticking out in every direction.

"I heard you weren't feeling well" Summer answered suddenly shy.

"I'm fine I'm just supposed to be taking it easy for a few days" Seth answers easily reclining on his pillows and motioning for Summer to sit on the bed.

"What happened? You were fine yesterday" She asks.

"I'm having a reaction to my medication. Something to do with my recent growth spurt it's making the dosing all loopy so I have to detox for a few days until they can find a balance" He answers with a sigh.

"Oh" Is all she can think to say.

"How are the plans for cotillion going?" He asks easily.

"Shouldn't I let you get some sleep? I should go" She says nervously approaching the door.

"I've been sleeping all day. Keep me company?" He opens his eyes wide and asks in his best little boy voice. Summer has to admit that he does look adorable. She sits on the bed.

"I've been thinking a lot about us. I think we should go to Cotillion together" Summer suggests making herself comfortable on his bed.

"But our personal styles aren't streamlined yet" He jokes weakly taking her hand.

"I gave up on that. It's impossible to get the geek off you" She teases him back.

"Everyone will think that we're dating" He points out.

"I'll tell them it's community service" She jokes and Seth laughs loudly.

"Well far be it from me to get in the way of Summer Robert's doing charity" He answers easily.

"So you'll ditch Anna?" She asks nervously.

"Anna and I are friends. I'm sure she'll understand" Seth confirms.

"She can have Chip if she wants" Summer offers settling back on the head board to get more comfortable.

"I thought your escorts' name was Dave?" Seth's brow furrows in confusion.

"Whatever" Summer replies easily taking Seth's hand.

Seth's last couple of days had been absolutely terrible. The Doctor had told them that his recent growth spurt was putting strain on his underdeveloped tendons and the reason for his increased pain and that, on top of all that, he was having an allergic reaction of some kind. They couldn't begin to try new medication until all of his old medicine was out of his system. This had meant two days of pain, spasms and narcotic withdrawal from not taking his pain medication. He was beyond frustrated with his situation and had started pretending to be asleep whenever Ryan came to check on him just so he wouldn't lash out at his friend. He figured avoiding him was better than dumping his frustration on him. Summer begins to chatter softly beside him. He can't believe how easily she has brought him out of his funk. He didn't need to work to protect her from his annoyance because when she was around the pain just faded into the background for a while. She made everything better just by being there.

"What are you smiling at Cohen?" She smiles punching his arm playfully. She apologizes when she catches the grimace of pain that ghosts his face.

"It's okay. I'm just glad that you're here" He smiles.

* * *

Seth, Summer and Ryan are all hanging out in Seth's room. Seth is in bed and Ryan is sitting on the floor; they are both engrossed in comic books- Seth is reading from his ipad because he doesn't have the dexterity to turn pages, while Summer sits at the desk facebooking from Seth's laptop. She cannot help but sneak a look at Seth's browsing history.

"Fanfiction? Really Seth?" She asks barely concealing her disdain.

"Uh yeah. It's awesome" Seth replies not looking up from his comic book.

"No, Seth. It really isn't" Ryan chimes in.

Their laughter is interrupted by Kirsten's voice from the other side of the door.

"Seth! Can I come in?" She asks.

"Sure Mum" He replies easily. Kirsten is clearly surprised to see a girl in her son's room but she does her best to appear calm.

"Hi Mrs Cohen" Summer greets her a little shyly.

"Hi Summer. It's good to see you. How is your Dad?" She asks.

"He's great" Summer replies.

"It's nice of you to keep Seth company. He has been really bored being stuck at home. How are you feeling Seth" She asks leaning over her Son's bed and touching his forehead.

"Okay. How was your day?" Usually she would press him further but even she couldn't embarrass his son in front of the girl he never stops talking about. Seth does look better. His colour has improved and his mood is infinitely better than it was in the morning. Having Summer around clearly agrees with him.

"My day was fine. Grandpa gets back from Beijing over the weekend. He sends his love" She doesn't add the part where he insisted that Seth be up and ready to sail with him.

Seth grunts in response already turned back to his Ipad.

"Are you going to invite Summer to stay for dinner?" She asks her son teasingly.

"Only if you're not cooking" He returns.

"I'm making my speciality- Thai takeout" She laughs as she leaves the room.

"Do you want to stay for dinner?" He asks Summer nervously "You don't have to if you're sick of me already" Seth asks nervously.

"I'd love to" She answers simply and Seth weakly smacks Ryan for smirking at the awkward exchange. Ryan catches himself about to feel sorry for his friend when he feels how weak his smack was but he stops himself. Seth never felt sorry for him- they respected each other far too much for that.

Summer begins to fill them in on the school gossip she caught up with on facebook. The boys listen bemused interjecting her tirade with sarcastic comments.

"Dinner's ready!" Sandy's voice calls them from the dining room.

Ryan glances nervously at Seth. The night before he had watched Sandy and Kirsten help Seth into his power chair so he could come to dinner.

"Hi Summer!" Sandy greets the beautiful girl as he enters the room "Why don't you go give Kirsten a hand with dinner while I help Seth" He suggests easily.

Summer nods giving Seth a sweet smile as she leaves his room. Seth tries hard not to be embarrassed considering his Dad handled it as sensitively as he could.

"You ready?" His Dad asks him. He nods his head his mouth set in a line. He remembers how painful it was getting up yesterday and today the pain is worse.

"Ryan do you mind helping? The faster we finish the better" Sandy asks.

Ryan nods and moves closer to the bed awaiting instructions. Sandy quickly pulls back the bedcovers, joking easily with his son and telling him about his day as he does. Ryan struggles to keep his face impassive when he sees Seth's, for lack of a better word, mangled body. His limps are so stiff they are almost rigid contorted in a variety of painful positions. Sandy gestures for Ryan to go to the other side of Seth and shows him how to lift him off the bed. As soon as the lift him up his limbs begin to twitch. Sandy sees the alarm on Ryan's face.  
"Ignore it. It'll stop once he is settled in" He encourages Ryan.

"I promise I'm not doing it on purpose" Seth jokes when his arm nearly connects with Ryan's face. Ryan cannot believe how light Seth's body is but the squirming does make it a two person job. Together both men manage to get Seth settled in the chair. Sandy does up the straps that hold Seth's body in place and gently places his right arm- which is more mobile than the left- on the controls for the chair.

"I'm not really dressed for company" Seth jokes looking down at his pyjama clad legs nervously. No one outside of his family had ever seen him in a power chair.

"We can't keep the ladies waiting son" Sandy encourages him holding open the door to the room.

Seth still hesitates.

"C'mon man. I am starving. I'll race you?" Ryan suggests playfully.

Seth laughs and then makes a break for it blocking off Ryan's exit from his bedroom and beating him to the dining table easily.

Kirsten and Summer are finishing setting the table when the boys tear into the living room. Kirsten smiles as she watches her son taunt Ryan for losing.

"Enough Seth. Not in front of company" She gestures for Summer to sit down and winks knowingly at her husband when Summer sits next to Seth.

Dinner is served and apart from Summer staring at Seth's special cutlery and making awkward comment about how her Grandma used the same ones dinner is fun.

Summer is very rarely a part of family dinners so it is nice for her to hang out with the Cohen's. She notes how easy Ryan and Seth are around each other. They have the kind of effortless and comfortable relationship of people who grew up together. They are like brothers.

* * *

Seth eventually returns to Cotillion practice a few days later. He is back on his pain medication but not his muscle meds so he still has to use the power chair. As weary as he is of the pitying glances and whispered comments he has something to look forward; He gets to see Summer and catch up with Anna.

It is Anna and not Summer who greets him first.

"Seth! What happened to you?" She asks. He admires her bluntness. It is actually something her and Summer have in common.

"Long story" He answers.

"Well I'm glad that you're back. I have missed having someone normal around. Shall we?" She gestures to their usual corner where they sit and watch the dance practice.

"Anna I actually wanted to talk to you about that. I really like you and am so psyched to have a friend that I have so much in common with but I have to escort someone else to Cotillion and I know that you will totally understand because as I said before you are 1500 different kinds of awesome and cool" He says rapidly.

"You're abandoning me? Who is she?" Anna asks. Seth is momentarily taken aback by how genuinely hurt she looks.

"Summer. Summer Roberts. I've liked her since the 4th grade and she finally seems kind of interested in me. I have to go for it?" He explains honestly.

"I guess I can't argue with that. I'll be fine. Go for it.." She waves him on with a kind smile.

"We're still on for the Brian Michael Bendis retrospective next weekend though?" He asks easily as he rolls away.

"I would never flake on a friend" Anna jokes her tone mockingly solemn.

Seth is laughing at her parting remark as he leaves. He never looks back so he misses the sadness in her eyes as she watches him.

Seth spots Summer talking to a bunch of her friends. He approaches her and Mindy turns to him in disgust and asks "Spaz can't you see we are having a conversation? Or are you blind too" She laughs cruelly at her pathetic attempt at humour.

"You know when you laugh it really brings out the deviated of your deviated septum" Seth returns. Summer's laughter is yelp like and highlights the tension in the room.

"Excuse us" She tells her friends walking away with Seth in tow.

"That was rude" She chastises Seth "She is really sensitive about her nose you know"

"She was rude first" He says defensively.

"Yeah but she's just like that. Being bitchy is as natural as breathing but she is my friend and it would be nice if my friend and my boyfriend could get along" She counters.

"What did you call me?" He asks softly.

"Seth Cohen, boyfriend. I think it has a nice ring to it" She leans in for a kiss.

* * *

Marissa could kill her friend for kissing Seth like that. That kiss is the reason no one is able to concentrate on blocking, on learning the steps or on the guidelines for writing their introductions. Every instruction Marissa gives has to be repeated five million times and by the end of it she could scream with frustration. She heads to the car weighed down with clipboards and swatches of fabric because the supplier said there was a problem with the tablecloths she had originally picked and now she was going to have to pick a backup. She is running through her to do list when suddenly someone takes the clipboard and swatches out of her hands.

"You waited" She notes as Ryan greets her with a peck on the cheek.

"I figured you would like some company. Maybe over some dinner?" He asks sweetly.

"I have been craving the chilli fries at the diner ALL DAY" She replies enthusiastically leading the way to the car.

After dinner at the diner Marissa parks the car at the secluded spot where all the high school kids went after dates. The Violent Femmes are playing in the background and after a few moments of stilted small talk they are hot and heavy letting their hands and tongues explore each other's bodies. The scent of Marissa's long blond hair as it falls like a curtain over both their faces makes Ryan groan with pleasure. He is so lost in the heady scent he doesn't know which way is up. She deepens the kiss straddling him and grinding against his crotch. Ryan enjoys it for a few minutes but pulls away and takes a deep breath when she reaches into his pants.

"Woah!" He exclaims surprised.

"What?" Marissa asks breathless, she leans back in for a kiss without waiting to hear an answer.

"Don't you think this is moving too fast?" He asks uncertainly thinking about Luke and Tijuana holding her at arm's length.

"No. Don't you want this?" Her eyes are wide and her tone accusing.

"I do. Of course I do I just don't think we should rush into this so soon after" He explains.

"So soon after I had sex with Luke? So soon after I tried to kill myself?" She shouts accusingly.

"No. So soon after you broke up with Luke" He says calmly.

The car descends into awkward silence. Marissa climbs off Ryan and gets into the driver's seat.

"Whatever. I'll just take you home "She said resolutely watching the road. She drops him off in silence.

"I'll see you tomorrow?" Ryan asks hopefully as he shuts the door.

She doesn't reply instead Marissa just runs into her house. He sighs wondering whether to follow her. He would except he has no idea what just happened.

Marissa ignores her Mother and Kaitlin watching television and runs sobbing to her bedroom. Somewhere deep down she knows that Ryan wasn't rejecting her but her deep down seems to be buried under more and more layers of fear, panic and insecurity. Taking a deep breath she reaches under her bed. A sense of calm overwhelms her when her fingers graze the edge of her vodka bottle. She rushes to make sure it is locked before sinking back on to her bed. The first sip makes her smile and lean back. She cannot believe she ever wanted to quit the one thing that has never let her down, that always makes her feel better.


	8. Chapter 8

"Hey Seth your Mum says I can borrow one of your ties!" Ryan yells barging into Seth's room.

"Looking good!" Ryan looks up from munching on an apple and notices that Seth is using his crutches for the first time in two weeks.

"Thanks" Seth smiles tightly "I won't be running any marathons any time soon," He sighs as he sits down on his bed and bends over to take off his braces.

Ryan doesn't need to be told that Seth is in pain and the reason for that is fairly obvious but he doesn't understand why his friend seems so frustrated. He decides to wait it out quietly. His patience is quickly rewarded.

"I was kind of hoping I wouldn't have to spend all night looking up at Summer," He sighs "At least it isn't the power chair."

"Yeah well at least your date is speaking to you" Ryan says sitting down next to Seth.

Seth just nods sympathetically. He knows Marissa has been maintaining radio silence all week.

"Hey hey hey! These are not the faces of men about to participate in the most over-rated faux rite of passage ever! Where are the smiles?" Sandy teases as he enters Seth's room.

"Doesn't anyone knock anymore?" Seth sighs.

"Seriously, what is going on guys?" Sandy's voice is warm and full of concern in a way that Ryan is still in awe of. Still Ryan doesn't want to talk about it and he knows the only way to escape is to deflect.

"Seth is going to be vertically challenged tonight" Ryan says.

"Ryan is having girl trouble" Seth quickly retorts.

"What's going on with you and Marissa?" Sandy asks.

Seth smirks triumphantly and transfers quickly into his wheelchair.

"Er, she isn't really talking to me right now?" Ryan mumbles.

"Apologize"

"But I don't even know what it is that I did"

"Trust me, son. That is when you need to be especially sorry" Sandy claps him on the shoulder and gets up to leave.

"He may not know a lot about eyebrow grooming but he did manage to bag my Mum who is like Marissa circa 1980" Seth comments as he heads to his wardrobe and hands Ryan a bowtie.

"Gross. I can't think of your Mum that way Dude!"

"Agreed" Seth nods "So what are you going to do?"

"Let's go to Cotillion" Ryan says resignedly.

* * *

"Coop, is everything okay?" Summer approaches Marissa's car cautiously. It must be a major Cotillion emergency if Marissa is sitting in her car with her head in her hands.

Marissa raises her head and quickly plasters on a smile. Raised to believe that appearances were everything; Marissa masks her true self automatically. Summer raises her eyebrow at the response. She has watched Marissa do this a million times in a million different situations. But never to her.

It must be serious.

"Maybe we should just get out of here? We could go to my house and watch a movie?" Summer suggests.

"Why would we do that? It's cotillion, I'm lead deb" Marissa answers with a stiffness that only her best friend can detect.

Marissa pushes open her car door and heads toward the hall. Summer can smell the alcohol wafting behind her friend. She doesn't comment. She never does.

Summer is still anxiously watching Marissa when Seth rolls up beside her. He upsets her balance and she lands in his lap. He pulls her in for a kiss.

"Hey" She says smiling into his neck.

"Hey. What were you doing just standing there? Were you thinking about me? Were you pining?" Seth jokes.

"No. But it's nice to see that the hot girlfriend thing isn't going to your head. I'm worried about Marissa" She finishes.

"Ryan's going to apologize"

"What did he do?"

"No idea"

"Cohen.."

"Seriously. I don't! I find the Marissa stuff the most boring element of Seth/Ryan time"

"Seth/Ryan time?"

"It has a nice ring to it, right?"

Summer shifts on Seth's lap in time to see Ryan approaching Marissa.

"Let's hope Chino is good at apologies"

"Hey Marissa! Wait up!" Ryan calls out, breaking into a little jog to catch up with her.

"Ryan I am really busy" She says as she turns to him "You should get changed"

"I just wanted to speak to you. In private. For a minute." He says.

She gestures that they should step into a secluded hallway. She turns to him expectantly and Ryan realizes how little choice he had in falling for Marissa. She is beautiful but she is a mess. It would be messy.

I have had more than enough messy for a lifetime Ryan thinks. He considers turning this into a break-up conversation.

"Did you have a topic in mind or did you just want to stand here?" Marissa asks tersely.

God, she is so beautiful. Screw it. Trying to fight this is like fighting gravity.

"I am so sorry Marissa"

"For what?" She asks clearly hostile.

"If you felt rejected. I just wanted our first time to be special"

"Our first time? Not your first time?"

"I don't want to be derailed from my apology so I'm not going to answer that" He quips.

Marissa laughs.

"Honestly, I'm not even mad at you. Stuff at home has been insane. This cotillion thing is ridiculous" She sighs.

"But I'm here" Ryan smiles "and Summer and even Seth. So let us know what you need help with and we will help. And then we'll get dressed up and have a good night."

And his blue eyes are so sincere and his voice so low and certain that she believes him.

"Okay" Marissa smiles.

The night is perfect. Ryan meets Marissa at the bottom of the stairs and whisks her away on to the dance floor and it is exactly like the dreams that she would never ever admit that she had since she was a little girl. He is the prince and she is the beautiful princess and it is more than she dared hope she could have. Ryan spins her and she glances round- Luke is watching them enviously and her Mum is smiling approvingly. She breathes in Ryan's scent and even though the she is a bit woozy from the drinking she knows he will not let her fall.

And then Holly's dad starts screaming.

"You son of a bitch! That is my money!" And he punches him. She shuts her eyes- knowing that everyone is staring at her, at her mother, that people in Newport just eat this kind of drama up.

Maybe if I just keep my eyes shut forever, she thinks. For a second she shuts everything out but when she opens her eyes she sees Ryan on the floor with a busted lip next to Holly's dad and her Dad. Her Mum is crying. Holly's Dad is still yelling. The only thing she feels is the slight pinch at the bottom of the heel of her foot from her Jimmy Choos. Her Mum bought her these shoes on a shopping trip to Beverly Hills. They had seen Gwyneth Paltrow at lunch. Her Dad is bleeding. Her Dad is bleeding.

"Marissa!" Summer sounds distant. Her Dad is sitting up pinching the bridge of his nose. Is it broken?

"Marissa! Are you okay?" Summer's voice is clearer now. She forces herself to focus on her friend. The concern in her voice and in her brown eyes makes her want to throw up.

She tries to answer. She can't. She turns and runs.

* * *

Ryan isn't sure what made him jump in like that. He just can't stand watching people getting hit. Especially not Sandy. He turns to look at Sandy. Sandy is in better shape than everyone else involved. The police have been called. Sandy comes over to him.

"I'm sorry Sandy. I know you said no fighting. I just couldn't let him.."

"I understand Kid and I'm grateful but you should get out of here before cops start asking questions. We just got you- we don't want to lose you"

"Got it" Ryan nods. Sandy's tone makes it clear that he is not willing to negotiate. Ryan looks around for Marissa. He spots Summer and approaches her.

"Where's Marissa? And Seth?" He asks without preamble.

"I don't know. Funny how many fist fights there suddenly are in Newport" Summer comments. She doesn't say it unkindly, she seems kind of dazed. It is a pretty shocking way for a Cotillion to end; even Ryan can admit that. Once again he wonders if he is the reason this stuff keeps happening.

After a while they give up looking for their dates and head to the car. Ryan hands Summer his jacket when he sees her shiver. They sit wordlessly on the bench. Ryan examines the handkerchief he was holding up to his bloody nose. It seems to have stopped. He puts the soiled tissue in his pocket and stares at the golf course.

"Marissa isn't okay" Summer says her words sound harsh after so much silence.

"What?" Ryan realizes that he sounds stupid but he is genuinely surprised.

"Marissa isn't okay, Chino. She never has been I mean; the stuff with the secret drinking and the throwing up but after all this stuff with Luke and whatever is happening with her Dad….She's always been right on the edge right to the very edge and now... I don't know" She trails off wondering if she is making any sense at all. She is scared. She wants him to know that she is scared that this is the moment that will send her friend dancing off the edge

Ryan cannot tell if she is warning him or blaming him.

"I care about her. I couldn't stay away if I wanted to" He says. It's the truth and he hopes that she can tell.

"I know" Summer says sounding resigned and terrified all at once. She has watched her Dad try to love his wife's demons out of her. She knows it doesn't work. She knows Ryan can't save her. She knows she cannot save her friend.

She is scared that they will all go down trying.

* * *

Seth rounds the corner. When Summer suggested that they split up to look for Marissa he wasn't really prepared for the possibility that he might be the one to find her. He sighs as he prepares himself to see the sobbing girl he can already hear. It is pretty obvious that her Dad has been embezzling funds and while part of him knows that Holly's Dad was totally justified in his anger against a man who would steal his money and then watch his daughter prance around in a dress worth thousands of dollars he also wishes Marissa wasn't the one suffering for it. She has been through enough.

"Seth!" Marissa sounds shocked to see him.  
Seth almost asks if she knows anyone else in a wheelchair considering it wasn't exactly the sound of footsteps that warned her someone was approaching. He reminds himself that it is time to put his sensitive hat on. Marissa is slumped on the floor. She looks like something out of a Wes Anderson movie; the tragic, tearful beautiful debutante. Mascara streaks and Vera Wang.

"Hey. Are you okay?" He says gently as he parks himself opposite her. He considers joining her on the floor but decides it would take too much effort.

"Wow. Even Seth Cohen feels bad for me. Things are that bad" She says bitterly, mostly to herself.

It stings a little but Seth has heard worse.

"People in Newport love a good story but they'll be a better one to replace it in a week" He says matter of factly.

"Is that so?" Marissa's words are slurred. She sounds like Ryan's Mum- the thought appeared suddenly and Seth shakes his head in an attempt to shoo it away.

"Yeah. I mean, the story of how your Dad got knocked out at Cotillion has already replaced the story of how Summer Roberts is dating a spaz which in turn, replaced the story of how Luke cheated on Marissa in Tijuana which in turn replaced that really odd rumour about Holly and the janitor. I never really believed that one; Johnny loves his wife" He continues.

Marissa laughs.

"And next week it will be something else. Everyone will get over this, trust me" He says gently.

"Yeah. You would know" Her tone has no malice just weary resignation.

"Yup. I would know" there is warmth and something approaching humour in Seth's voice.

For the first time since Seth Cohen was introduced to their 2nd grade class Marissa looks into Seth Cohen's eyes. She is surprised by the warmth she sees there.

"How do you do it?" She asks.

Seth knows what she means and for the first time he feels kind of bad for Marissa. Ryan is his first real friend and when he hangs out with Anna and Ryan he feels the beginnings of a sense of belonging. He is starting to understand what Marissa is so afraid of losing.

"You just do. I'll teach you how to play Magic the gathering. You, me, Summer and Ryan. It'll be great" He smiles at her.

She looks into his face and smiles. He offers her his hand and she takes it pulling herself up.

"I just have to make it through one week" She says.

"Or until the next big story comes along" adds Seth "Could be less than a week. Clarissa was looking a little top heavy in her dress, maybe she got some work done". Marissa stumbles then and Seth realizes how drunk she must be. "Here hang on to my handles. It'll keep you steady and people will be impressed by your commitment to charity in the face of adversity"

Marissa laughs and nods her thanks.

The pair looks pretty awkward. Marissa is pushing Seth but he has to intervene to steer them. Her sense of direction is not at its best.

"Why are you being so nice to me, Seth?"

"I'm trying to get into your best friends pants".

This comment earns a real belly laugh from Marissa and she punches Seth playfully. Her whole life she has been terrified to touch him, afraid she would hurt him. But there it is; it just feels like an arm.

* * *

Ryan and Summer do not say anything as they watch the pair make their way to the car. No one argues with her when she says she doesn't want to go home. Summer calls her Mum and tells her she will be sleeping over at her house. They all exchange wordless hugs goodbye. Seth refrains from commenting on the fact that it is the first hug Marissa has ever given him. Ryan reminds the girls to text him that they have gotten home safely. Ryan has the keys to the Range Rover. Both guys get in wordlessly.

"It's a shame that things got so punch-y in there, my hair was really working for me tonight" Seth says to break the tension.

Ryan grunts.

"Do you think Marissa's Dad did it?" Seth asks.

"Does it matter?" Ryan asks.

"I don't know. Doesn't it?" Seth asks.

"My Dad is serving time for armed robbery, Seth" Ryan says wearily.

They don't have many moments like this. Moments where Ryan admits something about his old life and Seth is at a total loss for what to say. He fights the urge to fill the silence and reminds himself that it has been a long day.

* * *

"I find that after an emotionally charged Cotillion throw down nothing beats relaxing in a hot tub with your best bud" Seth sighs and settles into the water.

"Best bud?" Ryan echoes skeptically.

"Scoff all you want, my amigo but after yesterday's dramatic turn of events we are long overdue for some Seth/ Ryan time"

"Agreed"

"Have you spoken to Marissa?"

"She is spending time with her family today. Asked me to give her space"

"Cool. Summer is watching the Valley marathon and threatened to rip out my jugular if I distracted her"

"You guys have a sweet relationship"

"Leave the jokes to me"

The boys are silent for a bit. Ryan is thinking about Marissa. Seth is working up the nerve to apologize.

"Speaking of yesterday I am sorry. You were right. What Marissa's Dad did doesn't matter. She isn't her Dad" He pauses before adding "Neither are you"

"I'm not Marissa's Dad?" Ryan jokes hoping to deflect the conversation.

"You know what I mean" Seth says softly.

"You don't know my Dad, Seth" Ryan says.

"Yeah but I know you" Seth wants to tell Ryan that he knows that Ryan has always got his back and that he admires the way Ryan stepped in for his Dad the night before but something in Ryan's face tells him that he has said enough.

"If you think being nice to me is going to make me ease up on you during our dynasty warriors re-match you are sadly mistaken"

"That was one time and I wasn't taking my meds!" Seth protests.

"That's a convenient excuse" Ryan deadpans.

"Okay. We chill out here for another hour and then it is on" Seth says.

"Cool" Ryan leans back and smiles. For the first time that day he isn't preoccupied worrying about Marissa.

"I wonder what it'll do to your street cred to have your ass handed to you by a kid in a wheelchair?" Seth muses.

Seth loves it when he can get a genuine laugh out of Ryan.


	9. Chapter 9

**Hi guys! Thank you so much for reading and following this story. Please review if you can- I love hearing from you. Enjoy the chapter! It's the last one before the gang heads back to Harbour..**

Marissa had been doing well. She thought she had been doing well. She was spending time with her Dad at his place, with her sister and her Mum at home. She kept meaning to call Summer or Ryan and plan to meet up with them but she wasn't sure she could face it. If it wasn't for the relentless unyielding misery that never lifted even for a second everything would be perfect. Except that she doesn't want to get out of bed. She reaches under her bed and pulls out a vodka bottle. She takes a large swig and lays back down waiting for it to take effect. She thinks about the phrase 'take the edge off'. That is exactly what the booze does- dulls her emotions, makes them manageable and blurry. She takes another swig and another until she feels that familiar click in her head that lets her know that she can do it. She gets out of bed.

"Marissa you're getting up later and later; sleep slows the metabolism, you know" Her Mum greets her as she enters the kitchen "You know sweetie, you cannot just disappear on your friends. I know it has been hard but you need to pick yourself up and get out there. I don't want you or Kaitlin to suffer for your Dad's selfishness."

Marissa doesn't say anything.

"Are you wearing your hair like that? We have that luncheon and it's a little harsh on your angles, sweetie" Her Mum suggests.

Marissa doesn't say anything.

"Wear the Donna Karan. It's very forgiving" Julie Cooper adds.

Marissa sighs. The phone rings and all she can hear is her Mum's side of the conversation but the gaps are easy enough to fill in. She quietly picks up the receiver in the kitchen and listens in. Seth's Dad brokered a deal for her Dad. Full restitution and no jail. Sell the house. She gasps when her Mum refuses and her heart breaks a little when her Mum suggests that maybe her Dad needs to pay for the things he has done. She shuts her eyes and wonders how they got here. She calmly goes to the medicine cabinet and pulls out her Dad's old Percocet prescription. 15 left. Should be plenty. She wants to feel nothing. She goes to her room and swallows the pills one at a time washing down every one with a swig of alcohol. She read somewhere you should take them one at a time. After a few minutes the urge to close her eyes is irresistible and the world is finally quiet.

* * *

Back to school shopping with the Cohen's is definitely different. If he really thinks about it Ryan isn't sure he has ever been back to school shopping.

"Kristen, I have plenty of clothes" Ryan sighs as he follows her around Nieman Marcus shocked by how easily she tosses expensive polo shirts into her hands. To buy. For him.

"Ryan, we all know how much mileage you can get out of a single wife beater and impressive as it is you should let my Mum shop. It's her superpower" Seth says. He did not want to come shopping either and Ryan could kind of tell why; the concerned stares were starting to get to him as well.

"Excuse me Ma'am?" A snooty shop attendant comes over to Kristen.

"We have some concerns about the chair tracking mud over the carpet? Do you think he could maybe wait for you outside or in a non-carpeted section while you shop?" She says in an even voice as if she is suggesting the most reasonable thing in the world.

"My wheels aren't muddy" Seth answers.

She looks surprised when he speaks and Ryan is confused by her reaction until he realizes that she is surprised that he can speak.

"Yes I do mind. Can I speak to your manager?" Kristen requests politely. Her gaze is cool and her voice is steel.

Fifteen minutes, an impressive tongue lashing from Kristen and three bags full of clothes for Ryan later the trio make their way out of the store. Ryan has never seen Seth as red-faced as when he listened to the shop attendant glare her way through her coerced apology.

"Mum was that absolutely necessary?" Seth asks through gritted teeth as they approach the car. The altercation had attracted attention and everyone had been throwing him looks alternating between disgusted and sympathetic. Seth wasn't sure which ones he minded more. "Yes. It was necessary. I am never going to stop fighting for you." She responds matter of factly.

Seth rolls his eyes melodramatically as he waits for the ramp to lower on the van and for the first time Ryan is irritated by his friend. He would give anything for his Mum to care about him that much and Kristen was right- Seth couldn't slouch through the world hoping not to be noticed. They were supposed to grab an 'end of summer' lunch with Sandy after shopping. Luckily Seth forgets about it and instead talks to his Mum about the classes he will be taking when school starts. They are taking a tour of Harbour after lunch. Lunch is easy- Seth does most of the talking and Ryan pretends to be far less nervous than he is. Once they arrive at Harbour all pretence falls away. He is awed by this school. It is like something out of a dream. The tennis courts. The Olympic size pool. Who do they think they are dealing with? He barely went to his old school. He can't do this. He can't let them down.

"Kristen, Sandy- I appreciate this but I would be happy with Newport Union" He insists when they take a break from walking around the grounds and Sandy and Kristen finally pause their steady stream of rhapsodies about the amazing Harbour Prep. They sit by the fountain.

"Ryan- this is one of the best schools in the country. If you graduate from here with a solid GPA you will be able to get into any school in the UC system. Maybe even an Ivy." She says calmly.

"Which means we are going to need you to apply yourself Ryan. Your test scores were impressive but your grades have been consistently underwhelming. You just need to work hard and do your best. Can you do that, son?" Sandy asks his impressive eyebrows knitted together seriously in a nearly straight line.

"Yeah" Ryan says quietly.

"Good" Kristen smiles a warm smile and squeezes Ryan's arm. It is the closest they have come to hugging. Ryan smiles back.

Seth approaches the group looking serious.

"What's wrong Seth? Did someone pee in your locker again?" His mother asks concernedly.

"What? Again? That never happened ." Seth assures Ryan.

"But I er…I heard something about Marissa" Seth admits.

"What?" Ryan asks as his heart sinks into his shoes.

"She's in the hospital. Summer confirmed it" Seth says.

He doesn't have to ask what happened. Marissa hurt herself again. He wished it wasn't such an obvious and inevitable conclusion. He wishes he didn't believe it.

"Can you guys take me to the hospital?" He asks Kristen and Sandy. Before they agree they share a look. One of those looks that pass between people who have known each other for a long time that communicate more than a look should be able to communicate.

After what seems like an eternity Kristen relents with a terse nod. They head off in absolute silence. Ryan wishes his friend would yammer away mindlessly because at least then he could pretend that this wasn't as serious as his panicked thoughts were making it seem. But when even Seth Cohen acknowledges the solemnity of a situation; it really is as bad as you think it is. He would smile at the thought but he is tense; every muscle at the ready. When they get to the hospital Ryan paces the halls like a boxer while Kristen talks to the lady at the reception. Marissa isn't allowed visitors but Kristen plays the Nicholl card and they are ushered to the psychiatric wing of the hospital.

"What are you doing here?" Julie Cooper shouts when she spots the Cohen family.

Kristen cringes at the harshness of her tone. She had been worried that things would be to sensitive. That they would want to spend some time alone as a family but she saw Ryan's face and knew that if they did not go with him he would go by himself. And she couldn't stand the thought of him facing this alone.

"Can I see her?" Ryan's voice is rough but as always the scared little boy is there, barely beneath the surface waiting to be noticed.

"Marissa used to be happy. She was popular and she had a great boyfriend but when you roll into town because of Sandy's misplaced instinct to take in a stray and she is depressed she no longer sees her friends and now this. You cannot see her. You will never see her again." She enunciates each word coldly and her eyes are filled with unadulterated contempt.

"This isn't Ryan's fault!" Seth yells surprised that he is the only one speaking up.

"Julie. He just wants to make sure she is okay. Is she okay?" Kristen asks placatingly.

"She's alive. Oh and Kristen when you were loaning my husband money did it not occur to you to tell me that we were on the verge of financial ruin?"

"Jimmy's my oldest friend" Kristen explains calmly.

"Oh I know. People always ask why your prom photo is hanging in our living room" Julie says bitterly.

"Let's go guys; we'll come back another time" Sandy says calmly.

As the walk out of the hospital Ryan is sullen and silent. Seth wheels infront of his parents.

"So when a saleslady looks at me funny you go all momma bear on her but when Julie Cooper calls Ryan a stray and blames him for Marissa's suicide attempt suddenly you are both mute? No one has anything to say then?"

"Son Julie Cooper is a piece of work but she has just been through something unspeakable. I don't know what I would do if I was in her situation" Sandy explains every word laden with emotion.

"Yeah well- Ryan's supposed to be your son so maybe consider his feelings? Protect him?" Seth suggests exasperatedly.

Kristen cannot think of anything to say in response.

* * *

Seth is feeling a bit awkward being camped in Ryan's room. Especially since Ryan isn't speaking to him just pacing around his room like a crazy person. Just looking for someone to punch Seth realizes. It is awkward just sitting here waiting for Ryan to snap but he cannot contemplate what Ryan would do if he wasn't here.

Ryan's phone rings. The fact that he picks it up immediately lets Seth know that it is Marissa. Ryan's pacing picks up. His answers are short and terse so Seth cannot really tell what is happening.

"Was that Marissa?" He asks cautiously.

"Yeah she needs to get out of there" Ryan declares springing into action grabbing his jacket and heading for the door.

"Wait man. Out of the hospital?" Seth stresses the word hospital hoping his friend gets to grips with the insanity of the plan before he has to spell it out.

"Yeah. You coming?" Seth follows and helps his friend lie smoothly about going to grab some coffee to his parents. They hand over the car keys.

Seth breathes a sigh of relief when the receptionist announces that they are persona non grata. Then Summer appears dressed in her candy striper uniform. Which Seth finds time to appreciate with a lingering gaze even in the midst of crisis.

When he zones back in Ryan and Summer are staring at each other intensely.

"You're sure you can get in?" Ryan asks.

"I don't have access privileges but Julie hasn't barred me and I know the nurse on shift" She explains in a voice more serious than Seth has ever heard from her.

"Wait. You want to bust Marissa out too?" Seth asks incredulous.

"Oh hey Cohen, we were waiting for you to wake up from your perv coma and listen" Summer notes with a hint of irritation "Julie is out of control. She wants to send Marissa away and if she does that Marissa really will kill herself. We have to get her away from her Mum. Maybe then her Dad will understand that she has to live with him"

"This plan is crazy" Seth observes.

"Yeah and we need your wheelchair" Ryan says.

Seth watches as Summer pushes Ryan in his wheelchair. Ryan is wrapped up in blankets. The second they are out of sight he realizes he needs to pee. Great. He tries calling them to postpone their adventure so he can piss but no one is picking up. Awesome.

Seven minutes later he cannot take it anymore. He scans the room and spots the bathroom. Only a few yards away so he can make it but there is nothing to lean on. He isn't wearing his braces and although he could probably get up and take a few steps he would probably fall. He looks at the hard looking shiny floor. Not an option. He looks around- the hallway is deserted and chosen by Summer so Julie wouldn't run into him on her way back and suspect something was up. He lowers himself on to the floor and crawls/shuffles/ drags himself to the bathroom. Watch out Daniel Day Lewis he thinks as he reaches back to reposition his legs which started spasm-ing violently when he came in contact with the cold linoleum floor. Moving this way is like trying to herd cats underwater. Only the cats are his limbs. He moves forward. After he has gone a few paces he is sweating like he had run a marathon but he sets his jaw and pushes forward. After what feels like years he makes it to the bathroom. The effort of hauling himself up on to the toilet throws his left arm into a violent spasm. He smiles with delicious relief as a steady stream of urine hits the water in the toilet bowl. Only after he is done and had sighed with satisfaction does he consider how to get back outside. It doesn't seem worth it. "I'm in the bathroom. Come get me. Don't let Summer come" He texts to Ryan. He leans back on the toilet and wonders if his friends are having better luck.

* * *

Ryan has been stuck in the bathroom of Marissa's private room for what feels like forever. He had been there for only a second before Julie returned from her errands. He listens to Marissa and her Mum talk. Or rather he listens Julie talk. Marissa doesn't say a thing. He suddenly realizes what a stupid idea this was- he cannot continue to help Marissa run away from her problems. He needs to help her face them. He takes a deep breath before stepping out of the bathroom.

"Ryan! Oh my God Marissa- did he hurt you? I am calling security. Clearly this relationship is even more dysfunctional than I thought. Thank God you are going to seattle." Julie says in a rush glaring at Ryan and approaching the phone.

"Marissa" Ryan approaches the bed and looks deep in her eyes while grabbing her hand reassuringly.

"Get away from her!" there is venom in Julie's words.

"Marissa" Ryan continues calmly "You can't run away. You have to tell her the truth, tell her what you want"

"He's in here!" Julie screams from the door when she spots the guards approaching.

Only when Ryan is literally being dragged away by security guards as her Mum screams at everyone does she realize that she has to do something.

"Stop" She wishes she sounded stronger. She wishes she was stronger.

"Mum stop!" she screams.

"What is it Marissa? Did he hurt you?" Julie croons approaching Marissa's bedside. The look of fake maternal concern on her face makes Marissa want to scream. So she does.

"You are hurting me!" Marissa screams.

"What?" Julie looks genuinely confused.

"You are hurting me. I called Ryan here because I needed help getting away from you."

"Sweetie you don't know what you are saying."

"I do Mum. I'm telling the truth. I am sorry for what I did but I do not want to live with you anymore and I don't want to go to Seattle. I want to stay with Dad" Marissa admits. And just saying the words make her feel ten times lighter. So that's honesty, she thinks.

"Baby you are just confused. Everything has changed so much this year. You just need a break." Julie says placatingly.

"You can't blame this on Ryan, Mum. I am messed up all on my own. And if I need a break I just need a break from you. From all the lies" Marissa cries.

Julie turns to the door and is met by the faces of her soon to be ex-husband and Ryan.

"Julie, I am putting my foot down. Marissa can stay with me as long as she wants" Jimmy says assertively.

Marissa smiles at her Dad gratefully.

"She has to go to therapy, Jimmy. We cannot ignore this" Julie says. She sounds exhausted.

"She will. We'll figure it out" Jimmy says.

"Dad!" Marissa protests.

"No Marissa you're Mum is right. We are going to deal with this. Together. We'll figure it out, kiddo" He said gently.

"Let him go" Jimmy orders the guards who release Ryan.

Ryan moves in to the room to give Marissa a hug.

"Ryan thanks for your help but we need some time alone as a family" Jimmy says, not unkindly.

Ryan looks to Marissa for approval and it is then that Julie's heart breaks. Never, not once, has anyone looked at her with such fierce love. Marissa gives him a little smile and a nod.

Ryan leaves. Summer runs up beside him.

"What took you so long Chino? Where's Marissa?"

He tries to explain as best he can but honestly Ryan isn't really sure what just happened. When he finishes all Summer can do is say in an awed voice;

"You got Marissa to stand up to her Mum?"

It's been a weird day so he doesn't even blink when Seth is nowhere to be found and he reads the text from Seth.

"What took you so long? Did you get Marissa?" Seth asks as he awkwardly transfers into his chair.

Ryan gives him the abridged version.

"Wow. So you were facilitating this cathartic moment of familial honesty? I was just trying to keep my butt from falling asleep."

"Did it work?" Ryan asks with a tired smile as they head out.

"Nope!" Seth exclaims cheerfully as they approach Summer.


	10. Chapter 10

**Enjoy the chapter! Please leave a review. I re-watched the first season and remembered how awkward Summer and Seth were when they did the deed... Also, what do you guys think of Oliver? Yay or Nay?**

"Can't sleep either?"

Ryan is startled and looks up from the fridge that he was peering intently into to see Kristen.

"No" He answers honestly with a little smile at Kristen.

Kristen looks into his blue eyes and his tousled blond hair. She never thought about it before but she and Ryan look a lot alike.

"How about I make us some hot cocoa? I know you're a bit old but I always make it for Seth when he has trouble sleeping."

Ryan stifles a laugh.

"I'm sure he won't appreciate me saying that. Don't tell him I did" Kristen winks at Ryan conspiratorially.

"Your secret is safe with me" Ryan assures.

Ryan watches as Kristen potters around the kitchen. A few minutes later they are side by side at the kitchen table drinking their hot chocolate.

"Are you nervous about school tomorrow?" Kristen asks breaking the silence.

"A little" Ryan admits. Not sure why he is being so honest.

"You'll be fine. Great even. This is going to be an amazing fresh start for you" Kristen says.

Ryan says nothing but smiles a little in a way that tells her that he thinks she is just being nice.

"But of course I have to say that. It's what I would tell Seth" She continues quietly "Ryan I want to apologize for what happened with Julie Cooper. We should have stood up for you. That is our job"

"It's okay" Ryan rushes to say looking baffled.

"No it isn't Ryan and I am so sorry. Seth told us what happened when you went back to the hospital. We are so proud of you" Kristen says with feeling. She doesn't add that she and Sandy are also both very worried. Marissa seems determined to self-destruct and

Ryan isn't sure what to say.

"Let's go up to bed. You have a big day tomorrow. And it is going to be great. I have to say that but I mean it, as well" She stands from the kitchen table and pulls Ryan in for a hug. He is stiff at first but he settles into it. Kristen knows not to push it so when he senses he is at his limit she breaks the hug, squeezes his shoulder and heads to bed.

Ryan sits there a while longer. Until, to his surprise, he begins to feel sleepy. Once he is back in the pool house his head hits the pillow and he luxuriates in the sheets. He has no idea what will happen in the morning but he may as well be rested.

* * *

"Seth can I grab a calculator? Your Mum said you had a spare" Ryan rushes into Seth's room. He had overslept and was running around in a panic.

"Dude, are you doing yoga?" He asks incredulously standing at Seth's door watching his friend move his body in a series of poses on the floor.

"I know it's minty but Phil has it as part of my therapy and well, you've seen Phil. I wouldn't want to piss him off" Seth says.

"Aren't we going to be late?" Ryan asks.

Seth looks up and catches the pink flush in his friend's cheeks. He is more nervous than Seth has ever seen him before.

"We'll be fine. Look, school is nothing to be worried about" Seth assures him.

"Except that I was in a fight with Luke, my Mum got drunk at casino night and I was in another fight at Cotillion" Ryan deadpans.

"It was Monte Carlo night. But yeah, don't worry about everyone will be talking about Marissa's suicide attempt" Seth jokes.

Ryan shoots him a look. "Too soon" Ryan mumbles.

"It's never too soon for a Cohen. We make jokes almost immediately after tragedy" Seth explains with a grin.

Ryan shakes his head. Seth motions for his friend to help him up.

Kristen rushes into the room and spots them. She looks as flustered as Seth did a second ago.

"What are you guys doing? We're going to be late!"

Ryan and Seth head into school through the ramp entrance. A girl in a motorized wheelchair is talking to some friends at the top of the ramp.

"Hey Lauren! How was your summer?" Seth asks cordially as he wheels up the ramp.

"Bite me Cohen" She retorts in a bored voice.

Ryan wants to ask what that was about but he spots Marissa standing in the hall with Summer.

"Can I walk you to class Summer?" Seth asks.

"I can walk myself" She replies somewhat bitchily.

"Good. Then you can walk me too" He replies with a smile. Summer cannot help herself; she smiles back and they head off.

"Hey" Ryan greets Marissa.

"Hey" she smiles at him. It nearly floors him how beautiful she is. How powerful that smile is, even after everything.

"How's your first day of school going?" She asks tucking a strand of hair behind her ear.

He throws her a look. She laughs.

"I feel exactly the same way" She confesses sounding relieved.

"Why don't we meet up after? Commiserate?" Ryan suggests.

"Yeah. I'd like that. Something to look forward too" She smiles again. He loves that smile.

"Something to look forward to" He repeats as he smiles back.

The bell rings and Marissa shows him where his first class and as he leans back in his chair he is feeling almost optimistic.

* * *

Ryan is sitting at a table staring at a wall at lunch. Seth wheels up and places his tray on the table.

"Ryan, you there?" He asks waving his hand in front of Ryan's face.

"Huh?" Ryan sounds dazed and surprised to see Seth there.

"What's going on buddy?" Seth asks.

"I'm behind" Ryan admits.

"On the first day?" Seth asks.

Summer approaches the table and stands nervously over them.

"Are you going to sit?" Seth asks her.

"I'm thinking about it. Don't rush me Cohen!" She stands for a few more seconds before panicking and leaving.

Seth laughs and holds out his hand to Ryan. In it is his adapted cutlery. Ryan quickly straps it on for him and Seth digs into his food with relish.

"What's going on with you and Summer?" Ryan asks conversationally resisting the urge to reach out and wipe Seth's face.

"She's…..getting used to the idea" Seth explains with a chuckle to himself.

Ryan doesn't really understand how that is funny but he leaves it alone. He halfheartedly turns back to his lunch tray,

"Are you sure you're going to be okay after school? Phil likes you" Seth says. He feels a bit guilty about leaving Ryan on his own to go to physio.

"I can't exactly miss gym for _your_ physiotherapy session, can I?" Ryan reasons miserably.

"Crap. I forgot about that" Seth says sheepishly.

"I'll be fine. I'm meeting with Marissa so…"

"That's something to look forward to" Seth notes. He looks confused when his friend bursts out laughing.

* * *

"Seth!" Seth twists around in his chair surprised to see Summer hiding in the bushes. He was on the curb outside of school waiting for his Mum to take him to physio. He had the genius idea of scheduling his time with Phil during the week after his classmates had decided it would be fun to hurl basketballs at him and watch him tip over during gym class. They called it 'crip bowling'. After the second time he found himself face down on the gym's hardwood floors he had decided to seek an alternative. Luckily, Phil had his back and insisted to his parents that a week day appointment would be easier for him. Phil had been his physio since he was seven years old and because of his hard work and patience Seth was able to do a lot of things that doctors had predicted would be impossible for him when he was a baby.

"Summer?" He replies questioningly "Why are you in the bushes?"

She clambers out of the bushes. Seth thinks she manages it gracefully considering how high her wedged heels are and how short her skirt is.

"I know you have a physio appointment today. I thought I could give you a workout instead" She says seductively.

Seth has to shift in his chair to hide his instantaneous reaction to her offer. He almost blurts out yes before he really thinks about it. Summer has probably had tonnes of experience. Seth had his first kiss a few weeks ago. He wants to. Badly. But he is scared.

"Seth?" She is tapping her foot impatiently "We need to go. We would need to use the guest room and my Stepmum is going to be back from yogalates soon and I do not want her catching us"

"I can't miss physio. My Mum is coming to pick me up and Phil would kill me" He explains, relieved by how plausible it sounds. If he wasn't such a coward he would have blown off anything, he would have crawled over broken glass all the way to Summer's house if that was what it took. Summer looks disappointed but has to leave after him Mum arrives. As he waits for the ramp on the van to descend he cannot help but feel disgusted with himself. Way to go Seth Cohen he thinks ruefully.

"Seth" Phil says impatiently for the third time as he stands over the sullen teen.

Seth turns to him and looks almost surprised to see him standing there.

"Where is your head today?" Phil asks kindly.

"Girl trouble," Seth admits.

"Summer still not talking to you?"

"Actually, we have been talking. I need your advice about pleasing the ladies.." Seth trails off.

"Just be yourself, man" Phil explains good naturedly.

"Sexually" Seth finishes pleadingly.

"Oh. Remember we talked about this? Everything should work fine. And you should use protection."Phil said awkwardly. He wasn't a qualified sex specialist but he knows it took Seth a lot to ask.

"I can't believe I am saying this but I am going to need….specifics" Seth mumbles.

"That I cannot do. Sorry man"

"You taught me how to pour a bowl of cereal, shift into my chair, walk. Dude, I need help!" Seth pleads.

"I can't give you tips on this Seth. I've known you since you insisted on bringing Captain Oats to every single session. Look it is going to be kind of different with you. Not worse. Just different. So you should be open with your partner about your needs and pick someone you feel comfortable with because you guys are going to have to um play around to figure out what works for both of you" Phil finishes then as if he suddenly remembered he was talking to a teenage boy adds "Don't be in a rush. Use protection. Always."

"My parents actually covered that bit" Seth smiles remembering how he rolled his eyes at the time and assured his Dad that he would probably die a virgin.

"Good. You should read these" Phil rushes to the table to pick up some pamphlets on disability and sexuality. Seth cringes at the cheesy titles but stuffs them into his backpack.

"Is it Summer?" Phil asks after an awkward pause. Seth nods, trying not to look too proud of himself. He fails miserably, especially when Phil offers him a silent high five.

Phil is filling in Seth's progress from today's session when he suddenly remembers that Seth is having a Baclofen pump installed over the weekend. He sighs and heads to the art therapy room where Seth is kicking himself for not remembering that before he told Seth that everything would be okay. He really was not qualified for this.

* * *

Marissa is walking down the hall. It takes her a while to hear her name. She turns to see the headmistress waving her over. Sighing and shifting her book bag on her shoulder she approaches the older woman.

"Good afternoon Marissa" the headmistress greets her cheerily.

"Headmistress Gupta" Marissa replies warily.

"I hope to see you at the meeting this afternoon?" It doesn't sound like a request.

"I was thinking of resigning from social chair. To focus on school work" Marissa bites her lip nervously.

"Marissa I heard about your troubles this summer" She presses on "the worst thing you could do is to disappear. Harbor is your school. I was really excited to see what you guys came up with for the kick off carnival" She finishes, squeezing Marissa's shoulder encouragingly before turning back down the corridor.

The rest of the day passes in a blur for Ryan. He cannot believe how _engaged_ the teachers at Harbour are. He cannot get by with a smart comment or a smirk. He has been pressed for answers and to elaborate and to explain why he thinks that. He sighs tiredly with relief when the bell rings.

He is waiting at Marissa's car when he spots her heading out. He cannot help but smile when he spots her. Ever since Marissa got out of the hospital and settled in with her Dad he has been imagining that she might be over the worst of it. He shakes the thought out of his head. Today is a good day. They haven't even been on their first date. He is getting ahead of himself. Seth is rubbing off on him. The thought makes him smile.

"Why are you so happy?" Marissa asks him teasingly when she gets to him.

"Excited to hang out" He rises from the hood of the car to give her a kiss. It is a possessive and certain kiss. Like they are in a relationship.

Marissa is surprised but pleased.

"Ugh. I have this social chair thing I have to do.." She begins.

"Social chair?" Ryan interrupts wondering just how many prep school words he is going to have to learn.

"I plan the parties. We have a kick off carnival at the end of the week. I want to ferris wheel but someone has planted the idea of a carousel in everyone's mind. We need to duke that out as well as finalize the budget and the vendors in today's meeting. It is going to be a bloodbath." She sighs in mock exasperation.

"Sounds fun" He cannot hide his disappointment.

"I'm sorry. I would much rather hang out with you but I made a commitment. Raincheck?" She is apologetic but clearly hopeful.

"Sure. As long as you promise no carousel" He deadpans.

She shoots him a quizzical look.

"The painted horse faces freak me out" He explains. She laughs.

"I'll see what I can do" Marissa kisses him on the cheek and heads inside. And saying goodbye to her like that is so easy and normal. She seemed so together when she was talking about social chair. Sadly, that left him with a lot of homework and no way to get home.

He sighs and pulls out his cell phone.

* * *

Sandy comes home to find Ryan and Seth sitting at the kitchen table. Seth is bent over a drawing pad his face intently focused on whatever he was drawing. Ryan looks genuinely distressed.

"What's up kid?" Sandy asks.

"Nothing. Just behind" Ryan groans comically.

"On the first day?" Sandy asks good naturedly.

"What Ryan needs is an after school activity to help him fit in. Hanging around me cannot be helping his social capital" Seth suggests looking up from his drawing.

"An after school activity is actually a great idea. Drama society?" Sandy suggests.

"No Dad. Look at Ryan. We aren't constrained by your Jewishness or my brain damage.."

"Seth!" His father exclaims and it is half warning, half reproach.

"Seriously Dad" Seth turns to Ryan "You can play sport right?"

"I like soccer" Ryan admits.

"Soccer it is" Seth smirks with satisfaction before turning back to his drawing.

"You're drawing again?" Sandy observes.

"Yup. They gave me this giant clown pencil to keep my fine motor skills sharp until I get the baclofen pump" Seth says holding up his ridiculously large pencil. It is strapped on to his hand.

His Dad and Ryan turned to his drawing. He turned it so they could see.

"That is actually good" Ryan says not even trying to keep the surprise out of his voice.

It is the cover page of a comic book about Captain Oats and Princess Sparkles. The lines are shaky and labored but it is clear that Seth has real talent.

"It's alright. It'll be better once I can control my hands a bit better" He says.

"Your Mum told me she scheduled your procedure for the weekend" Sandy says.

"Summer is officially my girlfriend. School has started. So the Saturday after kick off carnival I am all yours. Cut me up!" Seth declares with mock enthusiasm.

"Seth.." His Dad begins.

"Look Dad, I get that I have to do it but I will never be happy about how much time I have to spend in the hospital. I finally have something resembling a life and can't be all Pollyanna about it being put on hold" Seth angrily bites off his strap to free up his hand and heads out of the kitchen.

Sandy looks stunned by his son's behavior.

"I'll go talk to him" Ryan offers heading out of the kitchen

Seth hasn't locked the door. Death cab for cutie is blaring from his computer.

"What was that about?" Ryan asks.

"I don't want to talk about it" Seth groans. His voice is muffled since he is lying on his stomach with his face smooshed into his pillow.

"Really?" Ryan asks skeptically.

"Okay, fine, I do want to talk about it" Seth repositions himself so he is lying on his back. It takes a while but Ryan is waiting patiently when his friend is done.

"I read something about baclofen" Seth starts "And sex"

"You should talk to your Dad about it" Ryan says instantly.

"Have you.." Seth lowers his voice dramatically "Done it before?"

Ryan sighs. He cannot believe that they are having this conversation. He mumbles a reply.

"So when you lost your virginity I was still playing magic the gathering?" Seth asks incredulously.

"You still play magic the gathering" Ryan observes.

"Not as much" Seth replies defensively, then after a pause, "Summer wants to have sex and there is a small chance that after the operation I won't be able to."

"How small?" Ryan asks pragmatically.

"0.5 percent."

"That's a really small chance"

"About the same as the chances of me being born with CP so…I don't feel great about it" Seth says.

"So just do it before the operation. That way, no matter what happens after, you won't be a virgin" Ryan reasons.

"There's a reason I keep you around, Atwood" Seth says after mulling the idea around.

"Goodnight. I'm going to pretend this conversation never happened" Ryan jokes as he exists Seth's bedroom.


	11. Chapter 11

**Thank you guys for the reviews! I really love reading them. I'm going to reply to you individually and I hope we can discuss your suggestions. Enjoy this one!**

Marissa is walking down the corridor with her head down pretending that she cannot hear every single horrible comment someone makes about her.

"She looks pretty good for a dead girl" A junior she has never spoken to comments.

At least she thinks I look good she thinks ruefully as she opens up her locker.

"Hey" Ryan greets her.

"Hey", She smiles genuinely for the first time that day. She had been wearing a fake smile to reassure her Dad that she is okay, a grin while Summer complained about Seth Cohen which had faded while she was walking to her locker. She is so glad to see Ryan.

They grin stupidly at each other for a little while.

"I might get out of my meeting a little early today. Maybe we can hang out?" She suggests.

"Actually I have soccer practice" Ryan admits apologetically.

"Soccer?" Marissa clarifies looking pleased at the prospect.

"Yeah. I'm trying out. Someone told me it might be a good idea to get involved" He smiles.

"That someone sounds smart" Marissa notes coyly.

"Oh yeah. And humble" He jokes.

"We both get out at five so I'll meet you out front after?" She asks.

"Sure" Ryan agrees easily.

"Hey Summer!" Seth greets her enthusiastically as he approaches her locker.

"Cohen" She greets him coolly quickly scanning the hallways to make sure no one is watching.

"I was wondering if you wanted to hang out after school?" Seth asks.

"Sure. I'll meet you at your place, okay?" She answers quickly before scurrying off to her first class.

Seth decides to focus on the fact that she agreed.

* * *

Seth's next class is study hall and although he is can get away with being a little later to classes he hurries because he needs to get a spot at the end of one of the long desks.

"Seth!" Anna greets him brightly waving him over to where she is sitting.

"Anna!" He smiles genuinely happy to see her.

She leans in for a hug and Seth reciprocates.

"How was Tahiti?" He asks excitedly. Anna was late coming back to school because she had left to sail to Tahiti right after Cotillion. They hadn't spoken since.

"It was so great. I took an embarrassing number of photos. Do you want to come over after school and see them?" She asks.

"I'd love to but I am actually hanging out with Summer after school. Tomorrow?" He suggests.

"Sure" Anna fights to keep the disappointment off her face "And you are coming with me next time, right?"

"Definitely. I'm getting the baclofen pump this weekend" Seth says.

"That's great" a pause "You won't miss any school right? You are the only person I know in Newport."

"I'll miss a few days but you can come see me in the hospital or at home" Seth laughs.

"Cool" Anna laughs nervously kicking herself for being so obvious.

* * *

Summer knows what Seth was asking when he asked if they could hang out. Yesterday she was sure that she wanted to 'hang out' with Cohen. After spending a little time consulting with Dr. Google she wasn't so sure. I mean, it wasn't going to be like the movies or like she had imagined it. A few weeks ago Seth couldn't even push himself in his wheelchair. All the websites she had visited had said that every case was different and that she should talk to her partner about what would work for them and be willing to experiment. Could they have made it sound any less romantic?

Phil. The name shoots into her mind unbidden. She could ask Phil. The teacher calls on someone and after making sure it isn't her name that was called. Summer goes back to scheming. She could skip her afternoon classes. What is there to learn about the Ming Dynasty anyway? That opium was gnarly? Summer already knew that. This visit with Phil was going to be way more educational.

Sometimes her enthusiasm for projects can blind her to painful realities. Like traffic. She makes it to the hospital late and rushes through the corridors looking for Phil. Luckily he isn't in the middle of a session. Even more luckily, most of the hospital staff, including Phil have a soft spot for Summer. Her cheerful presence at the hospital is always welcome.

"Hey Summer! What are you doing here? You don't have a shift today, do you?" He asks stopping himself from adding that Seth doesn't have a session today either.

"No but I was hoping to talk to you, Phil" Summer smiles sweetly.

Phil is instantly suspicious.

"What's up?" he asks wearily.

"It's about um sex like with a person with a physical disability and an able bodied person. Say, for example someone with Cerebral Palsy" Summer finishes lamely.

Phil stares at her in disbelief for a few moments.

"It's for a school project" She adds optimistically.

"Look" Phil says after a moment of rubbing his temples tiredly "I already spoke to Seth about this and you should talk to Seth about this. I'm not trained for this and you two should be able to figure it out without any help. You may also want to be able to have a conversation with each other before jumping in the sack. Just a thought" Phil finishes.

"Will he need any special equipment like a harness or a pump?" Summer asks.

"Goodbye Summer" Phil says with finality and heads for the break room.

Summer stands there, stunned for a few moments until her phone vibrates in her pocket. It's a text from Seth. He couldn't wait any longer and had gotten a ride with Anna. Shit.

* * *

Ryan is pleasantly surprised by how good it feels to play a sport again. Luke Ward is on the team but he can ignore that. The hour of soccer practice passes quickly. He showers quickly after practice since he doesn't want to keep Marissa waiting for too long. His hair is still wet as he makes his way to the student council room. He impatiently flicks his damp bangs away from his forehead as he opens the door. He involuntarily takes a step back when he spots Marissa with Luke. Ryan cannot help but always assume the worst despite his recent run of good luck. Marissa is meant to be with someone like Luke and not someone like him. This makes more sense he thinks ruefully as he hitches up his backpack and turns to leave. Despite his best efforts not to; he looks back.

"I saw Marissa and Luke together" Ryan says after a few minutes of hanging out silently in Seth's room.

Seth is lying on his bed and looks at Ryan with a raised eyebrow. He knew it was something. Ryan had gotten home from school and had been more monosyllabic than usual but had still wanted to hang around Seth. He could tell that Ryan was building up to tell him something big.

"Making out?" Seth asks.

"More like making up" Ryan mumbles distractedly realizing that Seth's speech is strained. He looks at his friend properly for the first time since getting home.

He takes in Seth's awkward position. Seth's arm and legs moving to their own unique rhythm is something he has gotten used to.

"Do you need a painkiller?" Ryan asks Seth. He asks it matter-of-factly without a trace of pity.

"Nah. I have to wait until after dinner if I am going to get any sleep. So Marissa and Luke were just talking?" Seth asks quickly shifting the focus away from his problem.

"It kind of looked like more than that. Luke was crying." Ryan says. Seth can tell that he cannot bring himself to hope that it was just a conversation.

"Luke was crying?" Seth takes a moment to enjoy this information "You should ask her about it. It probably wasn't a big deal" Seth shrugs.

Ryan nods. They sit in comfortable silence for a little, listening to Bright Eyes. Ryan is pretty amazed that he can recognize Bright Eyes. Seth's mission to educate him might actually be paying off.

"So did you hang out with Summer today?" Ryan asks suddenly remembering that today was supposed to be a big day for Seth.

"She blew me off. Just as well. Maybe tomorrow?" Seth says.

"Maybe after the surgery? I did some research and I really don't think that is going to happen to you" Ryan cannot make eye contact with Seth as he says this.

"You did some research? On my…..?" Seth confirms.

Ryan cannot even bring himself to nod.

"Thanks for the concern dude. I appreciate it but we should probably make a deal not to….er….research stuff like that for each other" Seth says his body convulsing with mirth.

"Deal" Ryan agrees laughing along with Seth.

* * *

"Hey! Where were you yesterday?" Marissa greets Ryan as he approaches her locker. The first bell has just gone and she only has five more minutes to get to her next class.

"Sorry. What did you do?" His tone is terse and his smile does not reach his eyes.

"After waiting for you? I left" Marissa explains pointedly.

"I'm going to be late for class. Why don't I come see you at soccer practice today?" Marissa suggests.

Ryan isn't paying attention when he nods. His chest tightens with betrayal. He can't believe Marissa just lied to him. His thoughts begin to spiral- she is just like his Dad, just like Trey and just like his Mom. As much as the quiet voice in the back of his head reminds him that things are different his thoughts are much, much louder.

"Cohen!" Summer interrupts his conversation with Anna at his lunch table.

"Hi Summer! You remember Anna, right?" Seth re-introduces them politely gesturing to them with his strap on eating utensil. Anna seems totally unfazed by eating with Seth at school. Summer is instantly jealous and angry at herself. She takes it out on Anna.

"Pittsburgh, right?" Summer's voice is dripping with disdain.

"Good to see you again, Summer" Anna replies.

"Where were you yesterday? Anna drives the tiniest car ever. I had to fold myself in half" Seth teases Anna gently.

She pokes him in the ribs in response.

"Paul Frank sale. I figured it was more important that World History. We're just doing the Ming Dynasty. What was I supposed to learn? That opium is gnarly?"

"Right. Because there is no lesson in that" Anna says.

"Are you making fun of me.. I can't even tell" Summer deadpans.

"Most of the time you do my job for me" Anna replies brightly.

"Again, not tracking" Summer spins to face Cohen "Cohen can I talk to you in private?"

Summer cannot help but smirk a little at Anna's irritated face. Cohen moves to follow her but smiles apologetically at Anna as he goes.

"I'll see you in class?" He offers as he leaves.

Anna smiles a little smile in response.

"Cohen tonight is your lucky night" Summer declares as soon as they are in private. Seth prefers to think of it as private as opposed to as far away from anyone who Summer might know.

"Someone confirmed that the Watchmen movie will stick rigorously to the source material?" Seth offered.

"My Dad and Stepmum are away trying to re-kindle the flames of their misguided romance. So I'm home alone. Can you come over?" She asks.

"I don't think.." Seth begins.

"I promise Cohen" Summer says sitting on his lap and purring seductively into his ear "This will be worth your while"

"What" Seth clears his throat "What time?" He asks.

* * *

Ryan skipped lunch to do some reading. He hasn't spoken to anyone since Marissa lied to him. He is gearing up for soccer practice. The expression on his face is grim so everyone is giving him a wide berth. Coach blows the whistle and announces tackle drills. Ryan lines up and sees that Marissa has come to watch practice. She smiles and waves at him. He ignores her. He notices that as Luke comes in they have a brief conversation. Luke joins the team and lines up next to Ryan.

Coach blows the whistle. Luke starts with the ball and takes off. Ryan starts after him. All Ryan sees is red. All he feels is the burn of the grass as he slides and the satisfying crunch that his boot makes against Luke's ankle. He is hauled off to the coach's office but he doesn't care. They can kick him off the team. They can kick him out of school. He is obstinately silent and unapologetic.

Until Sandy arrives.

Sandy listens to the coach. He accepts the reprimand and assures him that Ryan will be punished. They ask Ryan to step outside and he does. Sandy doesn't speak to him the whole way home. The car ride takes an eternity.

"Sit down" Sandy instructs him when he tries to make a clean break for the pool house.

Ryan sits down.

"Listen to me Ryan. Every day you are going to run into snot nosed privileged kids and you are going to want to hit them. I understand but you need to figure out another way. Because forget school- we are always one mistake away from someone taking you away from us" He finishes with feeling.

"I'm sorry, Sandy" And he is. He wishes he could explain how the weight of everything builds up in him sometimes until he has to lash out. How, in that moment, it wasn't about Luke and Marissa but about so much more. That it is the 'more' that he has no idea how to deal with.

"We are all here for you, Ryan. Nothing is going to change that" Sandy assures him.

Ryan nods. He believes that.

"I was looking forward to coming to one of your games. Coach says that you are talented and Seth was never one for organized sports." Sandy approaches him and squeezes his shoulder.

* * *

"What was that about?" Seth asks as he approaches Ryan.

Ryan automatically switches from the breakfast bar at the kitchen counter where he had been sitting to the kitchen table so he can be at eye level with Seth. Seth parks at his usual spot.

Ryan tells him.

"Wow. Marissa saw?" Seth asks.

Ryan nods.

"Yikes. You should apologize" Seth suggests.

"To Luke?"

"No man let that crybaby drown in his tears. Also, we are done with your thing and moving on to my thing"

"What's your thing?" Ryan asks.

"I need to sneak out of the house to have relations with Summer."

"Oh. Go for it."

"Let me re-phrase. I need your help to sneak out of the house to have relations with Summer."

"Okay. What do we tell your parents?" Ryan asks.

"Sleepover?" Seth suggests.

"You don't have any other friends."

"Camping?"

Ryan responds with a look.

"Fair enough. Late night movie?"

Ryan mulls it over. "On a school night?"

Seth is stumped.

"We'll just have to sneak out then" Seth says grimly.

Three hours later Ryan is waiting two houses down in the van for Seth. Seth wheels down the drive dressed all in black and pausing to look surreptitiously over his shoulder.

"All black. Seriously?" Ryan asks.

"It's slimming and I was trying to be stealth" Seth explains as he waits for the ramp to the van to be lowered.

"So no one would be able to identify you?" Ryan asks.

"Exactly" Seth agrees.

"Among the millions of teenage boys in wheelchairs on this street" Ryan teases.

When he drops Seth off he declines Summer's offer for him to wait inside. He heads into the van to do his homework and wait for Seth.

Summer is nervous as she lets Seth in. She notices Seth shifting uncomfortably in his chair and is concerned.

"Are you okay?" She asks.

"Yeah just nervous" Seth answers shyly. He looks up at her like she is the most beautiful thing in the world. When he looks at her like that Summer feels so…..treasured. This night is already beyond what she had dreamed. She could not have dreamed feeling so special.

"Come upstairs" She says pulling his hand and leading him to the stairs.

"Um….Summer I didn't bring any.." Then Seth spots the stair lift at the bottom of the stairs.

"I rented it" Summer explains.

Seth doesn't trust himself to speak but he is incredibly moved that Summer would do something like this for him. He quickly straps himself in grateful that his right hand is co-operating.

Once they are in her bedroom he tries not to be self-conscious as he transfers on to her bed. When Summer pulls off her shirt his heart speeds up so much he has to take a deep breath. And after the shock comes an urge to touch her skin and to feel its hit against his skin that is so strong that reaching out feels like giving in to gravity. So he lets gravity take over.

It flashes past in a tumble of limbs and breathing and he is still trying to collect his thoughts as he wheels back to the van. Ryan doesn't ask him for details. Ryan doesn't ask him anything really. He just smiles at him as he lowers the ramp and they drive wordlessly back to the house.

Seth isn't sure what he was expecting. He was not expecting that.

Summer has never been more confused in her life. I mean, she really liked Seth. She trusted him. She felt safe with him and precious. The moments right before the main event when they had just been kissing on her bed both of them shirtless had been amazing but the main event had been so incredibly….awkward. Limbs everywhere. Sharp pointy bits. And it had really hurt. What was all the fuss about? The strangest thing was she was fairly confident that it did not actually have anything to do with Seth's disability. In fact, she had been so distracted by the awkward pointy what-do-i-do-with-my-hands of it all that she totally forgot about Seth's CP. Which she guessed was a good thing. She leans back on her pillow grunting with frustration. What the hell was that!


	12. Chapter 12

"I'm still not thrilled about you spending the night before major surgery at a carnival" Kristen sighs as she cleans up the dinner dishes and watches the boys leave the house.

"Mum I think if the procedure is shorter than an episode of Jackass it doesn't count as major surgery" Seth explains with mock patience.

"You boys will be back by 10pm?" Sandy asks. Both his sons understand from the way his brow furrows that it isn't really a question.

"Yeah" Ryan assures him.

"Don't eat anything, Seth" Kristen warns.

"Remember all those times when I had surgery?" Seth asks wearily.

His Mum nods and moves in to give her son a hug.

"Remember how I was present on all those occasions?" Seth adds with an edge to his humour.

"Seth.." His Dad warns.

"Let's go Ryan. We'll see you guys later…" Seth says moving to the door.

Ryan waits until they are parked outside the carnival to address Seth's terrible mood.

"What's going on?" Ryan asks.

"Nothing man" Seth starts to leave the car. Ryan sighs and follows him. He has to face Marissa and apologize.

Ryan is standing by the whack a mole stand with Summer and Seth staring at the masses of Harbor students hoping to pick out Marissa's face.

"Huh?" Ryan is roused by his distraction and suddenly conscious that someone is speaking to him.

"She's at the ferris wheel Chino" Summer repeats and rolls her eyes for good measure.

Ryan doesn't need to be told twice.

"So how about we head back to my place, Cohen?" Summer offers leaning into him and whispering once Ryan has left.

Seth doesn't need to be asked twice.

* * *

Marissa is standing alone in the line for the Ferris wheel. Ryan ignores the protests and joins her. She ignores him so he just takes the seat next to her on the Ferris wheel. Before he can squeeze out the opening line he had worked on in the car the wheel begins to rotate. His heart thuds in his chest and his mouth is dry. His thoughts are difficult to piece together. Oh right. Apology. He was going to apologize.

"I um…. I saw you and Luke" He manages to choke out.

"Oh" To her credit Marissa colours slightly with shame.

"You could have told me that" She says after a beat of silence.

"You could have told me" Ryan says pointedly.

"I didn't know how you would….I'm sorry."

"I'm not always good at talking about my feelings but with you I" He stops abruptly and gasps when the ferris wheel car lurches forward unexpectedly "you had to get the cheap Ferris wheel Cooper?" He groans.

"Maybe you just need something to take your mind off it?" Marissa suggests.

Ryan is just about to ask what could possibly take his mind off of the fact that he is perched precariously on a piece of metal 20 feet off the ground when Marissa kisses him. At first he is startled but then he kisses her back. It feels like a beginning to Ryan. It feels like making a choice to Marissa. It feels good.

* * *

Summer leans back in frustration she has been making out with Seth heavily for twenty minutes and still no sign of lift off on his end. She sighs. He doesn't even seem to notice.

"Is everything okay Cohen?"

He looks up and sees her gesturing at his crotch in frustration. Perfect. He starts the long process of sitting up on Summer's bed, fighting the urge to push her away when she tries to help. He accepts her help with a tight smile.

"I think I'm just distracted" He admits.

"Are you thinking about Anna because I will rip off her head and tinkle down her spine" Summer threatens.

"Anna? What?"

"What?" Summer asks innocently.

"My surgery is tomorrow" he grumbles.

"Oh" Summer brushes his messy curls off his forehead gently "It's going to be fine, Cohen."

"I know. And the irony that I am so worried about what might happen that I can't enjoy what is happening right now doesn't escape me."

Summer laughs and rests her head on his chest. He wraps his left arm around her with some difficulty. It starts to spasm and taps a gentle pattern against her abdomen. Seth notes it with frustration.

"Sorry" Seth apologizes and then cuts her off when she tries to interrupt, adding "And about the other night, I am SO sorry about that. I want you to know Summer that if by some miracle you ever want to sleep with me again I am going to do everything it takes to get better. I'm sure there are some sort of classes I can take. Like Sting, or something."

"Cohen you have nothing to be sorry for" She sighs as she buries her face in his chest "You weren't the only virgin in the room last night" She admits.

"There was someone else in the room? Like, filming us?" Seth asks incredulously.

Summer raises her eyebrow and stares at him watching the realization dawn on his face.

"Really?" Seth asks skeptically.

"Really. And it wasn't all that bad, right? Practice makes perfect" She says shyly.

Seth can feel the heat on his chest from her blushing but he is focused on the way she is gently unfurling his clenched left fist and kneading the tight muscles.

"Can we just lie here tonight?" He asks softly.

"Yeah" She says softly kissing his chest.

* * *

His Mum has been glaring at him angrily through the rear view mirror for the past ten minutes. Poor Ryan has had to bear the brunt of her anger since she doesn't want to yell at her son before surgery. So she yelled at Ryan for getting home late even though it was Seth's fault and he had tried to tell her that. Ryan had taken the heat and now Ryan and Sandy were doing their best to stay out of it.

When they get to the hospital Ryan grabs Seth's overnight bag. Kristen heads to the door and waits on the curb as the ramp descends with her arms crossed.

"I'll just go sign Seth in" Sandy says.

Ryan decides to go help.

"Maybe when I get the pump I'll be able to outrun you in these situations" Seth comments wryly as he maneuvers the chair down the ramp.

"Unlikely. I'm very fast" His Mum jokes. Seth laughs.

"We're going to talk about last night, Seth" Kristen begins.

"But Mum I have surgery" Seth makes a desperate bid to postpone the conversation.

"I know Seth and I don't care. I specifically asked you to be home at a certain time and you disobeyed me."

"Mum, I'm not a child and I'm not made of glass so you can stop worrying about me" Seth says impatiently.

"Seth I don't worry about you because I think you are weak or childish. You are my baby. When they put you in my arms you were so small and so perfect and I knew I would never take another easy breath again" She explains with feeling.

"I'm sorry Mum" says a chastened Seth.

She nods and they begin to head into the hospital.

"You're grounded for two weeks when you get home and we are going to talk about the rules now that you have a girlfriend" she adds nonchalantly.

Sandy marvels that no matter how many times he has sat in this room waiting for news from a Doctor the potent mixture of terror and boredom never diminished. He has never gotten used to feeling powerless he thinks as shifts on the uncomfortable bench.

"I'm going to go get some fresh air" He announces to Kristen who simply nods not looking up from her iPad. Kristen was always far more productive in waiting rooms than he was. She disappeared into her work. He stewed in his panic.

The pneumatic woosh of the hospital doors lets in the dry California air and Sandy steps outside into the bright morning. Seth will be out in the next half hour. They will see him and then go to lunch. Planning the day gives him comfort. He walks aimlessly around the building and winds up in the smoking zone. He spots Ryan before Ryan spots him.

"I thought we agreed no smoking" Sandy chides gently as he approaches Ryan.

Ryan mumbles an apology. Sandy notices that Ryan's face is pinched with worry.

"You know- I know Seth is going to be okay but it never makes it any easier" Sandy muses conversationally.

"I don't know how you guys do it" Ryan says releasing a shaky breath and stubbing out his cigarette on the aluminum outdoor ashtray.

Sandy looks at Seth tenderly and wonders if it is wrong that a huge reason he loves Ryan so much is because of how he is with Seth. He loves that his son has a brother. He wonders if that is fair to Ryan.

"Let me buy you a cup of coffee. This place actually has reasonable bagels" He squeezes Ryan's shoulder comfortingly.

"Promise me you won't let them cut off anything especially not my" he lowers his voice to a whisper "testicles" Seth jokes to Tanya the nurse in charge of his pre-op prep.

"I promise, Seth. You just relax. You'll take me dancing when this is over?" She giggles.

"Definitely" Seth takes a deep breath and tries to calm his nerves.

There is always a split second after they put on the mask that he is convinced it isn't working. Then the darkness.

* * *

Ryan and Summer haven't left Seth's room since he was put in recovery. He has opened his eyes a few times but he still hasn't totally come out of the anesthesia. Summer shifts restlessly and searches in her bag for something else to read- the tabloids that she usually loves seem vapid and ridiculous when compared to what is happening right now. She looks up and notices Ryan watching her with a bemused expression on his face.

"If you tell anyone about this I will strangle you with one of your wifebeaters" she threatens.

"No one would believe me" He replies easily with a smile. She smiles back.

"Ouch!" Seth groans groggily.

Ryan and Summer are immediately at his side. Summer stifles a giggle at his goofy expression as he struggles to fight off the remnants of the anesthesia.

"Are you laughing at me Summer?" He asks pitifully.

"No Cohen. It's just really good to see you" She smiles and grabs hold of his hand.

"Hey man" Ryan greets him.

"Hey Ryan" Seth mumbles sleepily surprised to feel Ryan's hand on his shoulder. They aren't really ones for physical contact.

"I'll go get your parents. They were just talking to the doctor" Ryan says rushing out.

Seth's Mum covers him with kisses as usual. His Dad looks at him with tears in his eyes as if Seth is a miracle for not dying. Seth tries not to roll his eyes and remember that his parents love him. Pretty soon visiting hours are over and he gently convinces his Mum that he doesn't need anyone to stay with him. He has to endure a few overnight checks from tired interns but the pain medication makes it easy to get to sleep.

He has his first rehab session in the morning. They lowered his pain medication so the incision site is painful and tender. They have to get him moving as soon as possible to test the results of the medication to see whether he can be upgraded to a permanent pump.

"Really?" Seth groans when he is returned to his room after his short walk with Phil. His mother who had found them in the hall and followed them back shakes her head.

"It was in the briefing packet I gave you? Didn't you read it?" She asks incredulously.

"Um. No. How long am I going to be in here?" He whines.

"Two weeks. At least" Phil answers sympathetically.

Seth groans and leans back. Phil arranges the pillows so he is not putting that much pressure on his back.

"Can I come in?" Anna asks tentatively from the door. She doesn't want to interrupt anything.

"Phil?" Seth asks.

"We're just going to do some range of motion exercises" Phil explains leaving the choice about whether or not Anna can enter up to Seth.

"Come in" Seth gestures for her to enter.

Kristen realizes that her son is now ignoring her, smiles and introduces herself to Anna before unpacking her ipad and work stuff and setting up in the corner of the room.

Anna enters the room tentatively.

"Can I hug you?" She asks as she approaches Seth.

"Sure" Seth laughs. She hugs him and tries to remember that they are just friends and ignores the way her stomach clenches when she feels his arms against her.

"Does it hurt?" She asks.

"No. I'm tough" He brags. Anna laughs and sits down next to the bed. While Phil goes through a number of stretches Anna shows him a compilation she made of her favourite youtube videos.

Summer was not prepared to come to the hospital and find Anna there. They are engrossed in their conversation so she takes a few moments to decide on how to play it.

"Hey Seth how are you feeling?" She greets him as she enters his room.

"Hey Summer" His eyes widen with surprise when she leans in and gives him a kiss that is definitely not appropriate considering his Mum is in the room. He can't stop himself responding.

"Hello Summer" Kristen says drily.

"Hi Kristen" She greets cheerily "Hi Pittsburgh" She greets Anna with much less enthusiasm. Anna merely rolls her eyes in response. Summer smiles sweetly and takes the seat next to Seth.

Seth isn't sure what happens over the next few hours but trying to balance the conversation between Anna and Summer and is almost relieved when his Mum ushers them both out of his room. Why was Summer being so vicious? Why was Anna being so clingy?

For the next two weeks Summer spends every waking moment when she isn't at school at the hospital. One day she gets out early (really she skips but whatevs) and doesn't find Seth in his room.

"Excuse me do you know where Seth Cohen is? Curly hair? No ass? Built like a bean pole?" She asks a passing orderly.

"Sorry sweetie, he's gone" The orderly says moving on.

"What do you mean gone?" Summer asks as she moves into the room.

"They released him earlier today. He's gone home" the orderly continues pushing her cart down the hall.

It feels good to be back in his own room Seth Cohen thinks as he starts to unpack his overnight bag.

"Here let me" Ryan insists as he pushes in and takes over from Seth.

"I just spent two weeks in a hospital. They wouldn't let me pee on my own" Seth smiles.

Ryan shrugs and sits on Seth's bed. Seth tips the bag of clothes into his laundry hamper.

"All done" He declares before joining Ryan on the bed. He is back to using crutches with the help of knee and ankle braces. Ryan is impressed at how much the pump has helped with his mobility. The switch to the permanent pump was uneventful at Phil had given him the clear to head back home as long as he committed to four physio sessions a week instead of the usual one. One session would be with an occupational therapist to help him refine his motor skills.

"Excited to get back to school?" Ryan asks.

"I guess."

"You won't have that much homework to catch up with.." Ryan smiles remembering Kristen standing over her son's bed insisting he finish his schoolwork.

"My Mum can be terrifying" Seth laughs.

Later the boys are playing video games- justified by Seth because they help 'refine his fine motor skills'. Ryan could attest to that. He was getting his ass handed to him.

"So I'm grounded.." Seth starts.

"yup"

"Do you have any idea what that entails?"

"You've never been grounded before?"

"No"

"Me neither" Ryan pauses "At least not successfully."

"I mean, can Summer come over here?" Seth wonders.

Ryan shrugs.

Summer bursts into the room breathless and flushed and ambushes Seth with a kiss. Ryan leaves quietly laughing to himself.

Summer is so relieved to be kissing Seth Cohen that all she can do is kiss him for a long long time. Finally the words come back. She pulls away and punches him.

"How could you leave without telling me?" She asks.

"I'm sorry. My phone was out of battery. I was going to send you facebook message" Seth reaches out and tries to pull her back in.

"A facebook message?" Summer's voice is high and soft and vulnerable. Seth has never heard her sound like this.

"Are you okay?" He asks softly.

Summer knows, in that moment, that she isn't okay. She disentangles her legs from Seth and walks away.

* * *

Marissa looks around the therapist's waiting room wondering if there is a prize for having ticked every sad cliché off on the 'poor little rich girl' checklist. Her Dad had convinced her that this was the only way she could stay with him. If she got help. She didn't need help. So she drank a bit too much one time? So what? There were people with real problems in the world. She stands up to leave.

"I bailed on three appointments before I walked in" A voice says.

She turns and sees a black haired boy around her age sitting and reading a magazine.

"What made you go in?" She is curious enough that it doesn't seem odd to be talking to a stranger.

"I figured a good way to stop hating yourself is to let someone help you. I decided I didn't want to be messed up and miserable anymore." He answers matter of factly in a way Marissa appreciates.

She sits down choosing the chair across from him. He hands her a magazine.

"I'm Marissa" She introduces herself.

"Oliver".


	13. Chapter 13

"So" Seth declares as he moves slowly into the pool house "operation get back Summer!"

"You seem happy considering your girlfriend stormed out of here furious" Ryan observes as he pulls on his shoes.

"Ryan. I'm fighting from behind. I'm the underdog. This" He declares clapping his hands together and pausing for dramatic effect "is my sweet spot."

"That doesn't sound healthy" Ryan notes getting up.

"If there is one thing my torrid affair with Summer has taught me about myself; I am never better than when I am figuring out how I messed up and making it better. Don't think about it too much. I don't. So are you in?" Seth wiggles his eyebrows encouragingly.

"Depends. What, exactly, is your plan?"

"I do not know. I was hoping we could brainstorm."

"We are going to be late" Ryan sighs and shoulders his backpack, heading for the door.

Seth follows.

Marissa gives them a ride to school and Seth can't really talk about Summer in front of her best friend. He is relieved to spot Anna waiting for him. She is taping a welcome back banner on his locker.

"Anna. That is awesome. Is that Captain Oats?" He says as he leans in to inspect the panels of the comic that Anna has drawn.

"Yeah" Anna's whole face lights up even as she tries to shrug off his reaction "I figured you might need something to cheer you up on your first day."

Seth takes off his crutches and leans them against his locker before opening up his arms for a hug. Anna smiles and hugs him carefully so as not to tip him off balance. They break away when they hear a disgusted grunt and turn to see Summer rolling her eyes and strutting away. Seth loves her angry walk. He cannot help but take a look as she struts away. Anna notices and rolls her eyes.

"I actually need your help with that" He says to Anna still transfixed on Summer's ass as she walks away.

Anna walks away angrily.

"Anna! What did I do?" Seth asks, reaching for his crutches and pulling them on.

The bell rings and he has to go to class.

* * *

Marissa and Ryan are sitting together at lunch idly making plans for their afternoon. Ryan spots Seth making his way to the lunch line and excuses himself to help out his friend.

"How's your first day back going?" He asks as he casually reaches for a tray to help out his friend.

"Class and now lunch. School has not changed that much" Seth jokes sounding distracted.

They get to the end of the lunch line and Ryan carries Seth's tray for him. They join Marissa at the table who is laughing at a text message she just received.

"What's so funny? Is it Summer? Did she text you about me?" Seth asks picking up his sandwich and digging into it.

"No" Marissa rolls her eyes gently at him "it's actually my friend Oliver. He wants to hang out after school."

"Oliver?" Ryan asks.

"My friend from therapy" Marissa reminds him.

"Right" Ryan agrees cryptically.

"Actually do you mind if I bail on tonight and go hang out with Oliver? He really needs someone to talk to?" Marissa asks.

"Sure" Ryan replies.

"Cool. I'm going to the library. Have to avoid late fines at all costs. Dr. Kim is watching me like a hawk" She pecks Ryan lightly on the cheek before she leaves.

"Who's Oliver?" Seth asks his mouth full of sandwich.

"No idea." Ryan admits broodily.

"Okay. Enough about your thing, I need help. Summer is mad at me so I wanted Anna's help but she is mad now too" Seth says exasperated.

"You went to Anna for help with a Summer problem?" Ryan asks.

"Yeah. We're buds" Seth shrugs.

"You cannot be this clueless about this."

"What?"

"Anna is into you." Ryan says realizing that Seth needs it spelled out for him.

"No she isn't. Is she?"

Ryan gives him the look.

"How do you communicate so much with just a look?"

Ryan gives him the look again.

"Okay. But if Anna had feelings for me she would just say something, right?"

"Right. In the many pauses in between your Summer themed monologue."

Seth throws Ryan a comical hurt look.

The bell rings.

Seth stumbles as he gets up. Ryan reaches out to steady him.

"You okay?" Ryan's brow furrows.

"Yeah. Just kind of tired." Seth straightens himself out and heads in the direction of his next class. Although he is trying to hide it, Ryan can tell his friend is struggling to stay upright. When Seth gets to class his face is covered in a thin layer of sweat. He takes off his crutches and collapses into the first available chair trying not to pant to loudly. He takes off his hoody and quickly swipes it across his forehead dry the sweat. He feels his curls shift. He groans quietly. He actually felt like his hair was working, for rather than against him this morning.

"Seth, you look like crap." Anna says approaching him her concerned tone softening her harsh words.

"Gee… thanks." He mumbles rooting around in his bag for some water.

"Here" Anna hands him some "Do you need to go to the nurse?" she crouches down.

"No. I'm just a bit woozy. Expected until they figure out the dosing. What happened earlier today?"

"I just" Her face flushes and she glances down shyly "I don't want to talk about Summer all the time."

"We don't have to. We won't talk about Summer. I'll just conceptualize and execute my plan to get her back on my own."

"Good."

"I mean it's easier with my brain trust and I would be there for you guys if you ever needed help with a love problem but I understand. I can do it on my own."

"Very stoic of you Seth" Anna smiles.

"I saved you a seat" He pushes his backpack off the chair next to his.

Anna smiles and sits down.

* * *

"Coop!" Summer screeches as she hurries down the hallway to her friends.

"What's up, Sum?"

Summer quickly changes her mind about talking to her friend about her problems with Seth

"Nothing. I'm fine. How are you? I like your shoes."

"Um. Thanks Summer. Are you feeling okay?"

"I'm fine. Why wouldn't I be fine?"

"No reason, I guess."

"Exactly. I'm fine. It's not like I am in danger of losing Cohen to Anna. Cohen who I didn't even want. Cohen is going to dump me. Summer Roberts. Ruined."

"Well as long as you're okay.." Marissa begins to walk away.

"Coop!" Marissa laughs and walks back to her friend.

"Want to talk about it?" Marissa asks linking arms with Summer as they walk along.

"No. I want to skip school and go get manicures. My treat or rather my Dad's emergency credit card's treat."

"Sounds good but I'm hanging out with Oliver. You should come? He wants me to check out his penthouse."

"The guy from therapy?" Summer asks sceptically.

"He is really cool. He's having trouble with his girlfriend Natalie and he just wants to talk it out."

"No offence Coop but talking to a beautiful girl has never been a good way to deal with relationship troubles. Chino is okay with you being some other guy's shoulder to cry on?"

"Yeah Oliver is just a friend."

"Did you at least invite Chino to come meet your friend?"

"Do you really see Ryan talking through girl trouble with someone?"

"I don't know Coop, I bet they get pretty deep during Seth/Ryan time."

"I just don't want to burden him with that stuff. It's nice to have someone who understands what I'm going through."

"Well, I'm happy for you but maybe you should try us so we could at least try to understand." Summer points out.

Marissa is distracted by her cell phone vibrating. "I gotta go. Oliver's here to pick me up. See you tomorrow." She waves breezily as she heads to the parking lot.

"Bye" Summer watches her friend retreat with concern.

* * *

Seth is dizzy, has a headache and on top of everything else had a really difficult occupational therapy session. His new therapist Andrew is very demanding. They worked on cutlery skills. Learning to use a fork without a strap was a lot tougher than he thought it would be.

"Cohen!" Summer screeches from the door making his head pound.

"In the kitchen." He winces as he responds.

"We need to talk." Summer face is set and determined. Seth steels himself for whatever is coming. He has never seen this particular look but he is sure it doesn't forecast good things for him.

"What's up?" He gestures that she should sit on the stool next to him at the kitchen counter.

"Am I your girlfriend?" She begins accusingly.

"What?"

"Am I your girlfriend? Because a girlfriend shouldn't have to fight blonde pixies for their boyfriend's attention. A girlfriend should know when her boyfriend is leaving the hospital so she doesn't think that he is dead. So am I your girlfriend?" She asks.

"I don't know. Do you even want to be?" He asks wearily.

"What is that supposed to mean?" She asks defensively.

"You hide in the bushes, you ignore me at school. We had sex but none of your friends know that we are together. This isn't all on me Summer. You have to decide. I can't treat you like a girlfriend while you treat me like a dirty little secret."

"That isn't fair." Summer retorts.

"Isn't it?"

Summer stands to leave. The stool scrapes harshly against the kitchen tile.

"You never asked me Cohen." She storms out before Seth can think to ask her what she means. She slams the door behind her.

* * *

Marissa and Oliver are sitting on the floor of his penthouse talking about Natalie. It is so nice to have someone to talk to. Oliver doesn't want anything from her apart from her friendship and her company and she doesn't feel the need to show him how much better she is. It doesn't hurt that he is so messed up she can feel stable by comparison. It has been a while since she could give anyone advice.

Her phone rings. She apologizes and steps away to answer it when she sees that it is Ryan.

"Hey" She answers.

"Hey. Are you done with Oliver yet? I was thinking the diner after soccer practice."

"You can't."

"I can't?" He sounds bemused.

"The team will usually go out together after the last practice before the first game of the season. They usually kidnap the new members. You'll be busy tonight."

"Thanks for the heads up. How's it going over there?" Ryan struggles to keep his tone nonchalant.

"Good. We're just hanging out."

"Okay. Well, have fun and I'll see you tomorrow."

"Try to make friends tonight. Goodnight."

Ryan hangs up and begins to change into his soccer uniform. The last practice goes well. After Luke comes up behind him and throws a pillowcase over his head, someone ties up his hands and he is bundled into a car. He is glad that Marissa had given him a heads up but still he hated being touched like this and feeling powerless about situations. He grits his teeth and bears it as best as he can. Finally the car he was thrown into slows down. He feels hands grab him and throw him out of the car while it is still moving. It is difficult to get back up with his hands tied behind his back but he does.

"What the hell, Luke?" He yells.

"This is the part where we would laugh, untie you and go get some food before grabbing a couple of beers by the beach." Luke says. Ryan can hear the smirk in his voice.

"But not this time, Chino. You can go to our school and you can play on our team but you will never belong." Luke continues.

Ryan doubles over in pain after someone punches him in the gut. He is on his knees in the dirt in the middle of nowhere with no phone and no wallet.

He is totally expecting what happens next; he hears the car drive away. He reaches bends over backwards and manages to take the pillowcase off. He flexes against the rope tied around his hands experimentally while taking in his surroundings. They were on the road for nearly twenty minutes so they could be anywhere. He doesn't see a road sign. Of course. He can't get his arms free either. He has no choice but to start walking. He starts walking down the road or in what he hopes is the direction of Newport.

It is four hours later when a car pulls over to help him and unties him and gives him a lift back to the Cohens.

"Ryan, where have you been?" Sandy asks when he enters.

"It was just some hazing by the team." Ryan explains going into the kitchen to get some water.

"What did they do? Ryan, you look exhausted." Kristen asks following him into the kitchen. Sandy is right behind her. They watch Ryan finish gulp down his glass of water.

"They just left us somewhere and we had to find our way back. It was all the new members of the team and it is a tradition. I'm exhausted and the game is tomorrow so I'm going to go to bed. I'm sorry if I worried you; I didn't have my phone." Ryan moves past them and towards the pool house before they can question him further.

"Do you believe him?" Kristen asks watching Ryan's retreat.

"No but he's home now and this conversation can wait until tomorrow." Sandy sighs and pulls his wife in for a hug before they both go upstairs.

"Welcome home, Ryan" Seth is waiting for him on his bed "what happened?"

"Luke and the rest of the team kidnapped me, tied me up and dumped on the side of the highway."

"How did you get back?"

"No phone. No wallet. I walked." Ryan heads into his bathroom to shower. He stands under the hot water for a long time trying to get his anger under control. He flexes trying to release some of the tension in his shoulders. When he comes out Seth is leaving a plate on the table.

"Some dinner. Goodnight."

Ryan nods goodnight at Seth grateful that he is not pushing him for details. He feels a bit more human once he has eaten. He thinks about whether Marissa called him to find out how it went with the team. He'll worry about it tomorrow.

"Interesting wardrobe choice?" Seth says when he comes into the kitchen the next morning to see Ryan wearing his letterman jacket.

"We have that pep rally today. I have to wear it." Ryan digs into his cereal.

"You're still going to be on the team after what those guys did to you?"

"If I quit then they win" Ryan shrugs.

"Well if you don't quit and you guys win today's game they still win. And if you lose today's game they win because you double lose. So there really is no winning."

Ryan shoots him a look.

"Okay. Enough said." Seth concedes pouring himself some cereal.

"How did it go with Summer?"

Seth attempts to shoot him a look.

"What does that mean?" Ryan asks.

"How do you convey so much with just a look? I need to learn how to do that."

Ryan shoots him another look; this one paired with a nearly imperceptible shrug.

"Amazing" Seth notes with his mouth full of cereal.

* * *

Summer volunteered to do the kissing booth as a way to take her mind off of what had happened with Seth. She was on her way to the bleachers where the booth was set up to start now. She speeds up when she spots Seth at his locker.

"Summer!" She can't help but slow down when she hears him call her name.

She waits for him to get to her; tapping her foot impatiently until he gets to her.

"Hey." He starts of casually.

She scoffs and rolls her eyes "What do you need, Cohen? I'm late for the kissing booth."

"The kissing booth? What happened to not being into public displays of affection." Seth sounds exasperated.

"It's for charity and I have to go." She flounces off and leaves him there.

"What happened to you last night? I tried to call." Marissa asks after she has kissed Ryan good morning at his locker.

"I left my phone in my locker after the team bonding thing." Ryan explains.

"How did it go?" Marissa asks.

"Good. Excited for the game today. Actually late for class." Ryan says pulling away.

"Okay I'll see you at the pep rally!" Marissa calls after her boyfriend's retreating back.

She heads to class realizing that she is running late as well. She sighs when she realizes that all the chairs are filled except the one right next to Luke. He waves at her and she decides to take it before she gets called on by the teacher for being late. She avoids eye contact and starts to unpack her notebook and pens. She then spends some time rearranging the pens on her desk and focus intensely on the teacher while he is delivering his lecture.

"You can't ignore me forever Marissa." Luke sighs.

Marissa pretends not to have heard him.

"Look, I'm sorry about leaving your boyfriend on the PCH but it was just a joke." Luke huffs.

"You did what?!" Marissa flips around furiously.

"He didn't tell you?"

"He said you guys bonded last night."

"I thought you were pissed because we pranked him."

"I'm pissed because I'm in a new relationship and I'm not sure how to do that and be friends with my ex who I dated for 5 years."

"Oh."

"You left him in the middle of nowhere?"

"It was a joke!"

"You are unbelievable, Luke" Marissa grunts as she storms off.

Luke watches her leave and wonders why he still cares what Marissa Cooper thinks of him.

Seth is tired by the time he makes his way to the bleachers to find Summer. He sighs heavily when he sees that they have set up the booth halfway up the bleachers with everyone lining up on the stairs. There is a bannister but not enough room to maneuver with his crutches. He looks around for an idea in frustration.

"Summer is doing the kissing booth?" Anna asks coming up behind Seth.

"Yup." Seth admits.

"You need to be bold Seth Cohen. Go get your girl." She advices.

"We don't have to talk about this." He smiles apologetically.

"We're friends. We can talk about anything. Go get her." Anna smiles encouragingly.

He hands Anna his crutches and uses the bannister to support himself on the way up. It doesn't look particularly safe to Anna.

"Um. Seth are you sure?"

"I'm being bold!"

"Okay" Anna steps back holding his crutches.

Summer is in the middle of receiving money for another kiss when she spots a very sweaty and unstable Seth making his way up the stairs.

"Excuse me" Seth says politely while squeezing his way past the group. Once they see that it is him the crowd parts like he has the plague.

Summer ignores him and continues kissing guys.

Finally Seth gets close enough to intercept a guy as he is handing over his money. He hands it back.

"Here, a full refund. Show's over! It was a pleasure to have you though."

"You are making a scene."

"Is this guy bothering you?" Someone in the line protests.

" Summer, we need to talk" Seth insists.

"I'll IM you later Cohen."

Seth moves to the front of the line past the end of the hand rail. He has to walk the last steps completely unassisted but he does it.

"We're talking now Summer. You kiss all these guys but you won't kiss me? Acknowledge me now Summer or lose me forever."

"Are you dating this emo gimp?" Someone asks their voice laced with disgust.

"Yes she is dating this emo gimp." Seth answers defiantly his hand still stretched out in invitation toward Summer.

"I know you're scared." Seth tells Summer as he holds out his hand and invites her to join him

"Why are you doing this Seth?" Summer asks her voice catching in a way that breaks Seth's heart.

"Because I like you Summer. This much. And if you don't feel the same way about me.." Seth pauses as he considers, for the first time since he headed up these stupid stairs, what would happen if Summer didn't consider his declaration charming. Or worse, if she really didn't feel the same way.

"If you don't feel the same then I might have to take a little break before heading down because that was actually really difficult." He finishes, a little petulantly.

Summer stands before she can talk herself out of it and takes Seth's hand.

"I can't believe this" She laughs into his chest throwing him off his balance slightly. He engages his core to straighten himself out.

"It's all over except for the public make out session" He whispers.

The words are barely out of his mouth when her lips come crashing into his.

He knows that his crutchless journey will probably set him back slightly but it was so worth it.

Everything fades away. They can't even hear the crowd.

* * *

Ryan is standing on the podium with the rest of the team as the coach makes his little speech. The crowd roars and Ryan tries to keep his breathing stable and hide the anger he feels having to stand up here with the guys who threw him out of a moving vehicle the night before. He spots Sandy and Kristen cheering in the crowd. Once the pep rally is over the team heads to the changing room.

Ryan is lacing up his boots when Luke approaches him. He tenses.

"Coach says you're going to start as forward today. Keep an eye on Rizetti he's fast." Luke says.

Ryan grunts.

The team runs on to the pitch and for the next 90 minutes Ryan doesn't think about anything other the ball and his pumping heart.

Ryan scores 2 goals and the team wins 3-0. Ryan is heading out to meet the Cohens when Luke comes up behind him.

"Good game." Luke says awkwardly.

Ryan shoots him a look.

"Look I'm sorry about last night. We could use you on the team, okay?" Luke holds out his hand for Ryan to shake.

Ryan cannot believe that he takes it but honestly he loves soccer and it will be easier to play with the captain on his side. Luke slaps his back awkwardly and he heads to where the Cohens, Summer and Marissa are waiting for him.

"I mean they are going to have to work on defence if they are going to support Ryan this year" An excited looking Sandy is telling the group.

"Are you sure you want to be this guy, Dad?" Seth asks shifting on his crutches and rolling his eyes.

Before he can answer Sandy spots Ryan and pulls him into a hug.

"Great game, Ryan! Great game!" Ryan falls in step next to Sandy as they head to the car. Sandy talks about the game the whole way there. Ryan knows a good teenage response would be to roll his eyes but it feels really good to have someone care about him.

Ryan, Marissa, Seth and Summer go to the diner to have dinner and celebrate the game. Marissa grabs his hand and is very affectionate during dinner.

"I am very proud of you." Marissa smiles over at him while Seth and Summer are distracted by their fighting.

Ryan's heart swells.


End file.
